


Sweet Lies

by the_fly_girl



Category: Merlin (BBC), Merlin (TV)
Genre: (meds are messing me up), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/M, Grey Character Morgana, I'm Sensitive, Lies, Magic, My First AO3 Post, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Nice Uther Pendragon (Merlin), Old Gods, On Hiatus, Pagan Gods, Paganism, Redeemed Morgana (Merlin), Romance, Strong Female Characters, The Old Religion (Merlin), Witchcraft, be nice, but lies can save lives, english is not my first language, i guess, i guess that's it, i'll be back soon, long fic, lying for protection, please, romantic smut, there are several types of 'strong', where Merlin's magic is not as secret as he thinks it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:01:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 50,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24478402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_fly_girl/pseuds/the_fly_girl
Summary: Beatrice, Will's younger sister, has always been in love with Merlin.Merlin has always been in love is Beatrice, too. He had to leave to Camelot.Where Destiny and the Gods give them a second chance, and they take it.
Relationships: Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin (Merlin)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 32





	1. Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The life before Camelot was simple and happy - happiness seemed to be infinite... until Merlin was forced to leave.

**_July - SUMMER_ **

The wooden spoon flew across the room, William threw himself to the ground with a loud scream as his sister panted in anger in the kitchen, he looked up from the only other room of the house: the bedroom he shared with his mother and younger sister.

“If you knew how to keep your mouth shut, perhaps he’d be able to stay!” she screamed. “But no, _of course not_ , you always have to open that big mouth of yours and speak. Why must you always speak? Nobody wants to hear what you have to say, you empty-headed prat!”

William looked around the house hoping he’d find something to protect himself until his mother was home. At that moment their mother was talking to Merlin’s mother trying to convince her to let the boy stay, but Hunith was set on sending Merlin to her uncle in Camelot so he’d be able learn how to control his magic – she was only this set on sending her own son away because Will blurted out that Beatrice and him knew about Merlin’s big, terrible secret.

“I didn’t know she was going to send him away, Beatrice. If I knew, do you really think I’d still say something like that? He’s my best friend!” he said trying to hide behind a wall, he’d poke his head out once in a while, but in the moment he did it again a wooden plate flew towards him, he hid again. “Stop it right now or I’ll tell mom!” he screamed.

“Do you think mom will be able to stop me? I told I’ll kill you and that’s what I’ll do!” she said again.

Will poked his head out again, this time nothing flew towards him, but that was because Beatrice was too busy trying to reach for the knife on top of the shelves, but she was 161cm (barely 5’3’’) which caused some delay on the ‘killing’ part of the argument. Will was quicker than he thought he could be, his arms crossed in front of her as he dragged her away from the shelves, but to his dismay Beatrice wasn’t going down without a fight – her legs were flying everywhere as she tried to elbow his stomach, arms or head and he had forgotten how good her lungs were because in the next moment his ears were ringing a little and the door of the house flew open as Merlin, Hunith and Annie – their mother – ran in as fast as they could.

Annie sighed looking defeated before turning to Hunith.

“That’s what I was talking about. Without Merlin I’d make through the month with both of them, they’ll kill each other after it!” Annie said, she turned to her children. “Enough of this, both of you, stop! William, let go of your sister!”

“Damn right I’ll kill him!” Beatrice screamed putting both her feet to the ground and jumping.

William fell to the floor, back reaching the ground harshly, but he didn’t let go of Beatrice. He screamed again and groaned before slipping away from his arms. He sat down in a second and tried to reach and hold her again thinking she’d run to the knife again, but she ran to Merlin and threw herself in his arms.

“Don’t go, please, please, stay!” she begged. “Stay with me, Merlin, please!” she turned to Hunith, “Don’t send him away, Aunty, please, let him stay. We won’t tell anyone, I promise! I’ll cut Will’s tongue out if you want to,” she glanced at Will and then hugged Merlin tighter, “I’ll do it, I know I will”

Hunith sighed as she watched the interaction. She didn’t want to separate Merlin from his only two friends, but she knew them well enough to know Will wouldn’t be able to hold his tongue much longer and that Beatrice would kill her brother for giving Merlin away sooner or later – magic wasn’t outlawed in Ealdor, actually people would like Merlin way more if they knew he had magic, but if Cendric knew they had been hiding a sorcerer in there he’d come after Merlin to get him to work for him. Cendric always gets what he wants, even it meant killing people for it and she wasn’t ready to see her village falling apart in the hand of that tyrant of her son being taken away from her because of that greedy monster she was forced to call king. Since he was born she tried to teach him to hide his true talents from everyone, but apparently he hadn’t made a great job at it seeing that from one person knowing to the whole village being aware of how powerful the odd little Merlin really was.

“I know you’d do it,” Hunith mumbled, “but dear, listen to me, it’s safer for Merlin and for everyone if I send him to Camelot”

“Where magic is forbidden and punishable by death?” she asked annoyed, “Of course, way safer” she groaned.

“Beatrice!” Annie scolded.

“He did it to save me!” she exclaimed letting go of him and touching his face, “You should have left me to die. Why did you stop the time to put that arrow away? You should have thought of yourself. Now everyone knows”

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I knew I could have saved you and didn’t,” he said, “don’t make me think about it. I’m glad you’re alright. Let’s just be glad you’re alright, just for tonight” he cleaned her face full of tears, “Stop crying now, alright? You can cry as much as you want when I’m gone and not here, because if you keep crying I’ll cry too and I’m really ugly when I cry and you know that” he joked, she chuckled through her tears and Merlin nodded. “That’s way better, no more crying; I love when you laugh” he complimented.

Merlin has always been extremely close and sweet to Beatrice since the moment she was born. She was two years younger than him, but that didn’t make him look at her as less capable at all. He always had so much trouble with physical things, but Beatrice and Will were there to help him. Will was a great farmer, Beatrice was a great hunter although a weak warrior – Will loved his animals and took care of them very dearly, she loved her bow and arrow and only killed when she needed to eat or when extremely necessary. They were always there to protect him from the other children that would constantly call him names, ‘bastard’ seemed to be their favourite since Merlin was six and old enough to understand what bastard actually meant – Merlin always thought he was indeed a bastard so his mother never heard any complaints from him, but once Beatrice got tired of being strong for Merlin and sobbed in her mother’s lap and told her how mean the other children were being to her friend; Annie told Hunith right away and Hunith had a long conversation with Merlin saying that he wasn’t a bastard, he was made of love and nothing would change that, his father was not there, but that didn’t meant he loved him any less because he left to protect them from bad people that were after him. Merlin didn’t understand that at all and didn’t really believe it, but he was glad that his mother tried.

“I really don’t want you to go there,” she mumbled, “how do you expect me to just accept you leaving me?” she hesitated, “…’us’…” she corrected, “… leaving ‘us’?”

“I’m not leaving forever,” he said, he looked at his mother and she nodded. “I’m leaving so I can control it better and, when I do, I’ll be back. I’ll come back and the first thing we’ll do is—“ he stopped.

Her favourite, of course, he would always do her favourite things when she was sad.

“Trespass Lord Endin’s land and steal his apples,” she said sniffing.

Annie stared at Merlin and Beatrice, but not for long because her eyes watered as she tried to imagine her children without Merlin – she couldn’t.

“And this time you’ll be back in one piece,” he teased poking her scar in the chin.

She chuckled again and touched her scar too.

She was six when she got that scar and it was Will’s fault, he had falsely screamed that Lord Endin was coming and she – in her childish panic – jumped from the tree; Will hadn’t expected her to do such a thing and panicked when there was blood in her face and her chin had a huge cut on it, he ran home to get his mom, Hunith and Old Shawna (the village’s elder and the healer) to help his sister, Merlin stayed behind to calm her down as he looked for more wounds – it wasn’t anything serious, a scraped knee and a bleeding elbow besides a scratch on her cheek, the problem was the big cut on her chin. Unfortunately, Beatrice had quite big lungs and with that her cries were loud, he got worried someone would find them there so he revealed his magic to distract her from the pain, he made beautiful blue butterflies. She did stop crying, but she made several questions after that day. He almost regretted, but then her big blue curious eyes were enough to make him forget his regrets.

Will sighed. He was now sitting on his bed and watching his sister and his friend embracing again. It wasn’t a secret that everyone actually thought they were sweethearts, but he knew there was nothing going on between them yet.

“Merlin,” Will called, without letting go of Beatrice he looked up at Will and raised his eyebrows, “do you forgive me?”

“I never blamed you for anything, Will” he said. “Come here,” he said.

Will almost ran to Merlin and quickly embraced him too; the three friends were happily trying to hold on to that moment for forever.

Hunith turned to Annie and they sighed. All three of them will have trouble happily living without each other.

“Mama,” Beatrice called from Merlin’s and Will’s arms, “Can Aunty Hunith and Merlin have supper with us tonight?”

Annie did not hesitate to answer.

“Yes” she said, “They are not only invited for supper, but to spend the night too”

The ‘kids’ (that were no longer kids) didn’t know, but Hunith no longer had food at home and Merlin had been too busy trying to keep arrows from hitting Beatrice to hunt so the stag that Beatrice had shared with Old Tom was all they had for dinner besides the potatoes that Will was growing with Little Anna (who was far from little now, she was already nineteen and trying very hard to find a husband, Will was her newest interest) – Anna’s and Old Tom’s daughter.

Hunith smiled to her friend and thanked her.

It took around twenty minutes for supper to be started because they were having huge trouble starting the fire; that was when Hunith sighed and with a sad smile looked at Merlin.

“Why don’t you start the fire for us, dear?” she asked.

Merlin looked surprised to his mother. She had never _asked_ him to use his magic, especially in front of people, but now it didn’t make much difference anymore because now everyone knew and he didn’t have to hide anymore because he was leaving Ealdor as soon as the sun came back to the sky. Hesitating for a second, Merlin walked to the fire they were trying to light and his eyes glowed, a small fire appeared at the bottom of the wood mounted in a triangular shape where the plate filled with stag meat was resting on top.

Merlin smiled proud of his powers, Hunith smiled again to him and Beatrice winked at him as she sat beside the small fire to feed it well.

Half an hour later, the sun was already set and the candles were already lit. The families were eating happily between exchanging stories for one last night. Everyone tried to ignore how Beatrice’s smile would constantly fall and her eyes would fill with tears every once in a while – she was trying and trying _hard_ to make Merlin remember her as the happy and excited girl he always knew, not the crying and ugly teenager she was in the moment.

But it was when everyone was already laying in their beds that she broke down. She didn’t want the sun to come up and wake them to the reality she was aware she’d have to face sooner or later. Beatrice watched as Will’s breath became even and slow as they shared the only bed in the house, their mother was sleeping in the ground over a blanket like she usually did, Hunith and Merlin had brought some blankets from their house and they were sharing the blanket to sleep in the ground on the other side of Will’s and Bea’s bed.

And suddenly she no longer could hold her sobs and fears.

In a second she jumped out of bed and put her hand over her mouth to make sure the sounds could be muffled as she walked away. Will moved in the bed, but didn’t wake up, but Merlin did – the smallest down usually would wake him up slowly, but the sound of someone crying (especially women) tended to make him jump out of his own skin, perhaps because he was used to pretend he wasn’t listening to his mother crying, but still trying to stay awake in case she needed him… she never did, she was too independent; she had a whole life before Merlin and she knew how to figure herself out, but Beatrice didn’t, she was still young and fresh on her sixteen years of age, and she was still dependent on her mother, brother and friends like every other child her age was either they like it or not, but not in the need for protection as many may assume, but in the need of affirmation and support. Beatrice knew how to survive and take care of herself, but she didn’t like it, she was extroverted and social person since she was born, she needed approval and love. So that’s why Merlin jumped out of bed and looked for her coat and his as he tripped around the room to go after her.

Hunith sat on the floor.

“Are you alright?” she mumbled, “What happened?”

“Bea is crying and ran out, I’m going after her. I’ll be back as soon as I can, don’t worry” he said.

Hunith hesitated and looked at Annie as she thought if she needed to wake her friend up, but she knew she wouldn’t dare. Annie would start worrying and scold the girl when she didn’t need scolding… couldn’t take scolding.

“Be careful,” she warned, “don’t take too long”

“I’ll be back in one piece,” he promised before kissing her cheeks, “Love you!”

And with that he ran out with the two coats in his arms.

Hunith lied back down and waited for a few minutes, but ended falling back asleep too soon.

Merlin ran through the dark village knowing exactly where Beatrice was hiding; he couldn’t hear nor see her, but he could feel he was getting closer and closer.

There was a part of the village that was barely lighten at all, it was where usually the celebrations for the Wheel of the Year would take place, it was further away from the houses with a small walk between the woods to the grand circle was and where almost every night someone would put a few candles for a wish or offering to the Gods. Beatrice would go there when she was upset, she was complete devotee to the Gods and Merlin thought it was really cute of her – she’d pray every night before falling asleep; she’d ask the God and the Goddess for ‘real love’, as she said herself and would thank them for another day, she told him once that she’d constantly pray for Aphrodite too and to Apollo sometimes (especially in days before the celebrations where she’d dance or sing for the village, he loved to watch her but so did many other boys).

“Bea?” he called out, this time loud since there was no one around to listen. “Bea, come out, please”

He saw a quick movement by the corner of his eyes, away from the circle of candles that the villagers had made there was a young woman he recognized quickly. Beatrice was standing there hugging herself and looking at him.

“Merlin, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“I came to find you,” he said, there was a hopeful look in her eyes, “it’s dangerous for you to come out here alone, you never know what’s creeping around in this woods: buglers, thieves, bandits, rapists or worse,” he winked at her, “knights” he smiled hoping his small joke would make her laugh too. It didn’t. “Let’s go back home, here’s your coat”

“I don’t want to go back home,” she said leaning to get the coat, she put the coat around her.

“Why?”

“Because if I go home I’ll fall asleep, if I fall asleep those will he hours I could be spending with you wasted on something as simple as sleep. I can sleep whenever I want,” she said stubbornly. “I don’t want to lose you, Merlin, and if I fall asleep I fear I’ll wake thinking this was a dream and feel my heart break all over again when I realise you’re actually leaving us…” she stopped as she gathered courage, “that you’re leaving _me_ ”

Merlin stopped for a moment before nodding, there was an odd chill going up his spine.

“I don’t want to go”

“Then don’t. _Stay!_ ” she begged walking towards him and grabbed his nightshirt. “We can find a way, we can talk to your mother. I’d do anything. Please, Merlin, please, stay… stay with me, stay for me”

Merlin wanted to say he would stay and make her heart stop hurting, but he knew the reason for her mother to be sending him away – it was hurting her too, but Hunith knew it was for the best of everyone.

“You know I can’t” he mumbled holding her arms against him.

She went back to crying.

Merlin held her gently. He never understood what happened to change that hug they were having from the hug they shared in her house – perhaps it was the dim lights or the fact they were actually alone for the first time since she had ‘turned into a woman’, as his mother called the bleeding she had the year before at her fifteen years old birthday; he remembered he collected roses for her and she blushed and giggled and for some reason he felt like doing the same at that exact moment. He wanted to run around and find her the most beautiful roses of the whole world and crave their thorns into his hand to see if their pain could become physical and stop their heart from bleeding.

Slowly she looked up as if feeling the same things as he was feeling.

As in a dance, they moved closer and closer together, slowly. One more centimetre, one more and one more. Their foreheads touched. For all the Gods, they couldn’t bear to move away, they wouldn’t dare to fight against that feeling.

“I-I— Can I?“ he stuttered pathetically.

“Yes,” she mumbled knowing he was just asking her permission, “please, Merlin”

The hand he had on her waist went up slowly to the middle of her back, he gently pulled her against him although her arms were still in the middle of them grabbing his nightshirt, the hand he had over her hands slowly made its way to her arms with his fingers brushing lightly over her every centimetre making her skin go on fire; his hand went up to her shoulders and brushed against her neck. His thumb rest right under her ear, stroking the connection between her jaw and face while the rest of his finger were on the side of her neck and resting over her shoulder lightly. He stroked the side of her face again, caressing her gently.

She closed her eyes and let go of control, she got lost on his touch. Merlin tried not to blink, he didn’t want to forget how beautiful she looked at that moment; her beautiful dark brunette hair was going down her body in waves painting the thin white nightgown like the ink of a genius careless painter had dropped over his masterpiece, her skin was light and looked ghost pale in the dim lights and he loved it, he tried to remember every single piece of her face at that moment she opened her eyes to look at him – the blue seemed infinite.

“Please, Merlin,” she mumbled again.

Merlin closed his eyes and so did she. This time their lips brushed at first, but then she kissed him as she stood on her tiptoes not bearing the wait and hesitation of Merlin.

The kiss was like the world falling away. It was slow and soft, it was a comfort that words could not give, it was the ‘I’m right here’ on its purest form. Beatrice let go of his shirt and she stepped closer to him, he pulled her closer and her arms went to his back. There no space between them.

Beatrice pulled away after a long minute, she was panting, but so was Merlin.

“I always wanted to do this,” he confessed.

“And why didn’t you?” she asked.

Merlin opened his mouth to answer, but he seemed to forget how to speak.

“I don’t know” he admitted.

She giggled and pulled him closer again.

Their lips smashed again, this time harsher, needier. Unexpectedly, the hand resting on her face drifted to her hips with his fingers brushing all her side, it settled there and he pulled her against him. Beatrice inhaled sharply into the kiss. The kiss had lit her on fire – every single part of her body was burning, yearning for Merlin.

Emotions she never felt so strongly before. Lust. Desire. She wasn’t a child anymore, Beatrice had wished for men in her life but Merlin usually was the target to such feelings and she’d constantly think of him whenever she had privacy (which was almost never when living with her mother and brother in a two room house without any doors besides the front door). But this time it was real, it was something that knocked her breath away as if she had fallen from a tree, it was the fire from the candles around them dancing on her skin and she couldn’t think straight.

That was when she felt it, the volume against her belly. She knew what it was – it Merlin’s most primate reflection to the desire he felt for her; Hunith had explained to her with Annie’s help the mechanics of what would happen sooner or later when she first bled, but now there it was: an opportunity she could not – would not – miss.

She needed Merlin and Merlin needed her.

They pulled away again. She was now a dizzy and Merlin’s face was flushed as if he had drank too much wine – she had seen it happen before, a year ago in Beltane. Will did not let her go into Merlin’s house alone that night, she now understood why; she had never drank more than a few sips of wine in her life, but if that was how people would feel then she knew she would not have been able to control herself that night.

Merlin watched her flushed face and stopped. He thought she was embarrassed from feeling _him_ so close to her, so he froze. That was probably the moment he needed to step back, the point where the gentleman had to break off the fun to make sure nothing would be lost.

“I can—“

“No!” she exclaimed pulling his closer. “Merlin, I want you”

Merlin leaned down and kissed her forehead, her eyes fluttered closed and then he kissed her eyelids and then her lips. Love. Lust. Desire. Friendship. They had never thought so much walked hand in hand between them.

“Are you sure?” he panted.

That was her last chance to step back. He was losing his mind.

“Yes, I want to be yours”

Merlin hesitated still.

“I don’t want to make you think I’ll stay. I won’t. I don’t want you to regret what you do tonight” he was trying to be gentle and understanding for that was what friends are supposed to do.

But Beatrice was tired of being friends, she was tired of his kindness and gentleness. She wanted the Merlin some of the older girls said they knew (they did nothing but kissing, but lies spread quickly between the girls in Beltane), she wanted to know how he weighted over her and how his hands would caress her in the dim light of dying candles in the wood. Merlin had never gone all the way and Beatrice had never exchanged more than a few innocent pecks behind trees as Merlin giggled and tried to distract Will when he knew exactly what Beatrice was doing with Little Renny, the butcher’s son, behind the tree in Beltane night when she was thirteen.

Merlin kissed her again and he lost any control he had and he had to remember that Beatrice had little idea of what to do.

When Beatrice’s body began to react deeply to his caresses (with his hands, fingers and tongue through all her body) she began to grow scared as she tried to muffle her sweet sound, confused eyes running through the dark as she sometimes would let go a quick giggle for the foreigner sensation.

“Sh,” Merlin mumbled as he climbed on top of her and made her nightgown in an improvised pillow for her head against the ground, his eyes were trying to capture every detail of her body, “it’s alright, dear, don’t worry. Listen to your body and relax”

He was slow, rhythmic as if he was dancing with her, his touch was gentle as he moved her body down, down… and then it was it.

She was nothing but her body, nothing but desperate and loved… there was brief pain… brief… oh so brief… and then the spam and the sweet taste of his lips on her… and then she was dancing on air, rising to the Gods and dancing the new dance she had just learned without any mistakes… panting… groaning… moaning… pulling… laughing… bliss… no more pain, just the sweetness and the incredible… oh, Merlin, oh...

It was happiness and sadness in one kiss when it was over. It was the longing they had kept a secret for so long, it was the profound pain they knew they were going to feel once they were separated from each other. It was love and it was hatred – they loved one another, hated the sun that was beginning to come up and the light of the candles finally dying.

Beatrice pressed Merlin harder against her as he panted and collapsed on top of her.

_All acts of pleasure and love are the Goddess; there was nowhere else more fitting for the description of what we made tonight in the Circle,_ thought Merlin as he kissed her wet forehead again.

But now the sun was awake and so was reality.

They didn’t want to go. The dawn brought a freshness that they’d have loved if they could just stay there – tangled in each other, messing with the hair and just observe the world upgraded to some kind of higher definition. But they were adults now in more ways than they cared to admit and adults faced reality.

“Merlin” she mumbled.

It seemed to be the only word she had been able to say for hours now.

Merlin looked at her, the girl was laying in his chest. She did not look at him but he knew what she meant.

It’s time to go.

“I know,” he answered, “just for another moment”

Beatrice did not answer, she just inhaled his scent once more and closed her eyes.

“I love you” she said.

Merlin kissed the top of her head, but didn’t answer.

The sky was watching them, billion eyes of light with some sadness on it. The past of the beautiful night and the future of the ugly day were one.

Dawn had come.


	2. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ealdor is being attacked again. With people's safety on stake, Hunith and Annie leave to seek for help in Camelot - the last hope of survival through the winter relying on someone that isn't allow to help.

**_November 25 th – AUTUMN_ **

Months had passed.

Although only a few months had passed, Beatrice seemed to have grown. Most of her baby fat had left her face and she was at least two inches taller than she was during summer, she would act more like a grown up now too, her dancing and singing stopped being only a hobby for the feeling she had while doing it, now she knew how men payed attention to her and she liked this attention. Everyone would pay attention to her on Midsummer and Beltane while she dance, there was warmth to her that many blamed on the dark brown hair while some blamed her simple brought up in frame but nevertheless people would watch her curled strands moving on the air as she turned and turned again because she was as free as the autumn leaves playing around. Now her eyes were different too, just as blue as before, but it wasn’t the colour that was breath-taking, it was the things inside of it: there was a simple and yet mysterious knowledge within them, they were wise for someone so young – Old Shawna said it was because the Gods liked her, they took great care of her because there were parts of her that she shared with the Gods and that was something that simple mortals couldn’t understand; with that being said many people thought she’d follow Old Shawna’s steps by never marrying and dedicating her whole life for the Gods, but she did not and Old Shawna seemed to know why by the malicious glim of her eyes whenever someone spoke of Merlin.

She was almost seventeen now – she only had to wait for December 1st to her name day, but with such ages responsibilities she did not want to have were starting to come to her. Many of the girls her age were getting married in the village and there were more than a few rumours about why Beatrice was refusing proposal after proposal, but all of them became one in the end: Merlin.

Will, at first, didn’t believe such unimportant rumours, but after the fifth proposal turned down he started to grow worried that his sister was indeed waiting for Merlin, which caused another fight between them.

“I’m just saying he’ll not come back” Will said.

“Shut up, you stupid prat! Nobody asked; for all the Gods, how can one become so damn annoying. Will, you’re aggravating, I’m starting to get worried over your sweetheart” Beatrice said. “I wonder how long she’ll take to dump you”

“Mom!” Will called out. “Beatrice is being an idiot again!”

“Oh, c’mon, you can’t deal with your own problem without having to call for mom?” she mocked. “You’re pathetic, really pathetic”

Annie came into the house, but she wasn’t mad or annoyed, her face was pale as it could be, it took Will and Beatrice a second to understand why, because in the next second the thundering hoover made Will turn to his sister. She knew the drill well enough: hide under the bed. There was a huge difference between the way that disgusting man outside would treat young women and how he’d treat everyone else. Will was smart enough to know that Beatrice didn’t need to be put through the embarrassment of having her clothes torn off in front of the whole village just so he could take a peak of her boobs again. She didn’t deserve it. Nobody deserved such a thing happening to them.

Beatrice jumped under the bed and waited until Will told her to come out as he walked into the house.

This time it took him longer to come back and, when he did, Huntih was with him, she was holding her own face and crying softly trying to hide her pain, but clearly not managing to.

“Bea, get water!” he called out.

Bea got out of under the bed and to the bucket before running out. There were some people trying to gather the food that the people had dropped and put into their baskets, she knew they were hoping to have food enough to make a very watery soup for supper. She didn’t stay there, she ran to the wood to get to the well of the village, she filled the bucket with fresh water and ran back as fast as she could without spilling water everywhere, she got home with a few inches short of water and part of her dress soaked, but it was water enough.

Annie had already cut some of the herbs as Old Shawna was there taking care of Hunith’s hurt eye, there was the start of a bruise making her eye close. Old Shawna thanked Beatrice and told her to help Annie.

“We sent Old Tom to talk to Cendred,” told Will, “but everyone knows he’ll say ‘no’ even if we beg for help”

“We need to have hope” said Annie.

“In the man that made dad die for something dad did not believe in?” Will asked annoyed, “Sure, let’s have hope that he completely changed. Royals and nobles don’t deserve the amount of food they have in their plates”

“Will, please, this is not the time” said Annie.

“No, he’s right, Annie,” said Hunith still shaking, “We need to find another way”

Old Shawna blinked a few times as she focused on putting the pressed wet herbs on the cut underneath the eye, but they she looked up to where Beatrice was and half-smiled.

“We could ask help to King Uther, he is known for helping outlying and poor villages” said Shawna.

“I don’t think that’ll work either,” said Will, “we don’t belong to his kingdom and it’s common knowledge that King Cedred and King Uther aren’t exactly friends because of Cedred’s love for slaving sorcerers and witches to his…” he hesitated as he glanced at Beatrice for a moment unsure of how to say the next words near the sister he thought to be so innocent, “…needs”

Yes, indeed. Cedred realized that he could use the male sorcerers to his political needs and female witches to his male needs. It wasn’t exactly a secret, but nobody really talked about it.

“It’s set, I’ll leave for Camelot today” said Hunith getting up, she stumbled and Old Shawna held her up. “It’ll cost nothing to try; we need to, at least, try, Will, dear” she put a hand on Will’s shoulder and Will held her hand in his shoulder and turned to her, she then looked at Beatrice, “You should hunt as soon as you can; gather the men and hunt small animals for tonight and tomorrow – rabbits, possums and things like that, don’t overhunt, we can’t have leftovers here if they come back before the day he told they’d be back”

Beatrice nodded and kissed Hunith’s cheeks.

“Be careful!” she said, “Mom, will go with her?”

Annie looked rather surprised by the request her daughter had made.

“If she doesn’t mind,” she looked at Hunith, “then yes”

Beatrice held her mom in a quick hug.

“She’ll probably need you there, she’s dizzy and weak, she’s trying to look strong and you’re her only friend. She needs you” Bea mumbled before pulling away and looking to her family. “I’ll gather the men, I’ll come back before dark”

“Careful” said Will touching her back quickly, he pulled her by the arm and whispered, “They killed someone this time. When they come back things will be worse than they were before”

Bea nodded before leaving the house.

Hunith held Annie’s hand tighter in middle of the street, there were people walking into them a lot although some seemed to be running away from Hunith’s hurt face, it seemed to be rare to see a woman hurt.

“We need to find a way to talk to the king now” said Annie.

“We can try to talk to Merlin, I’m sure he knows a way or perhaps Gaius does” said Hunith.

Annie nodded trying to think of a way to find Merlin and Gaius in such a big town such as Camelot. But she didn’t need to think much because destiny helped her out by putting Merlin just a few feet away and making him turn from the place he was getting water to see the two very familiar women walking and looking around seeming very confused and lost. For a moment Merlin hesitated; perhaps they weren’t the women that took care of him, they would tell him they were coming. But then he saw Annie’s eye locking into his and he blinked in surprise.

“Mother? Aunty Annie?” he called out.

Annie sighed in relief as Hunith dropped everything and ran to her child. Annie pulled Hunith’s things to her own arms and half-smiled at the scene she was watching: Merlin worrying and trying to find every single wound Hunith had; he had always been such a good son and such a great friend, Annie couldn’t ask anything else for her children than to have someone like Merlin around them.

“What happened?” he asked again when she didn’t answer at the first time, this time he was questioning Annie too.

“They’re back and they won’t stop until we all starve” said Annie.

That was enough to make Merlin understand what was going on.

Three hours after the sadly ruined meeting, Hunith and Annie were facing the king in the throne room with knights and nobles watching.

“The winters are harsh in Ealdor and there are many children.” Hunith told the king as Merlin’s mother and representative to Ealdor, Annie was just moral support, “Some of them just won’t be strong enough to survive; some of the elders are giving their foods to make sure the kids are eating and our hunters are going out every day, but the animals are going away. We barely have enough food as it is, and, if Kanen takes our harvest, our children won’t live to see another summer” there was a pause as Hunith tried to gather her emotions, “Please, we need your help”

King Uther seemed interested in the story. It was a poor village where he could most likely get loyalty from, especially now that one of their villagers had become the Crown Prince’s manservant. It would be a good idea, but…

“Ealdor is in Cendred’s kingdom, your safety is his responsibility” his voice was warm, but his posture cold.

Arthur glanced at his father and cursed him mentally by giving so much hope on something that was clearly impossible.

“We’ve appealed to our king, but he cares little for the outlying regions. You’re our only hope”

Annie closed her eyes for a moment and begged all the Gods for Uther to listen to their pleas. There was something she had yet to tell anyone – their harvest wasn’t the only thing Kanen was interested in, Beatrice was still the target of his questions and looks. She didn’t want to say it out loud and make her daughter’s attacker known when her daughter was too embarrassed to talk about what happened.

Silence. He was going to say ‘no’, they just knew it.

“I have the deepest sympathy for you—“ he started.

“Please, he’ll take my daughter as his wife by force!” Annie announced in fear, “Please, my Lord” she kneeled.

Merlin felt the air leave his lungs and Gaius had to hold his arm for him not to stumble. Beatrice; poor, poor Beatrice.

“I’d have this barbarian wiped off the face of the earth if I could” Uther said looking at the woman in the ground.

He tried to think of a way out. The terrible image of someone trying to take Morgana away haunted his dreams, but there were too many laws in the way for him to ignore.

“Surely we can spare a few men” said Arthur trying to find a way out.

“Resources are not the problem,” Uther said shaking his head lightly.

“Then what is?” Morgana asked annoyed.

It was Merlin’s mother, his friend’s mother beside her begging for help. He was her friend. The life and the dignity of a young girl was at stake and Uther didn’t seem very affected by the woman crying on her knees and the pale woman with wounded eye standing beside her.

“Ealdor lies beyond the Ridge of Aesctir, for an army of Camelot to enter would be an act of war” he explained.

Hunith kneeled beside Annie. Merlin finally came back to himself.

“I know you’re a good king, a caring man. I’m begging you. Help us, please” she mumbled.

Uther looked away, scared of giving away.

“The accord we’ve struck with Cendred was years in the making. I cannot risk hundreds of lives for the sake of one village. I’m afraid Camelot cannot help”

Merlin glared at the king and so did Morgana. But Morgana wasn’t scared of him, she had her own small act of rebellion by walking to Hunith and Annie and helping them up while glancing multiple times at Uther to glare at him.

Annie sobbed as Merlin hugged her gently. They both knew what the other was thinking: Beatrice.

There was enough for him to carry already; with the food and the blankets he wondered if the two horses would actually make to Ealdor in time.

Annie and Hunith would share a horse (the horse they came to Camelot with, it belong to Old Shawna, but she was kind enough to borrow him to them) and the horse Arthur was kind of giving to him as ‘honour for his terrible services’, that was probably the closest thing he had ever gotten to a real ‘thank you’ or compliment.

“Here,” said Gwen showing him the sword, “Tell me how it feels”

Merlin felt the weight on his hands. He’d use it to kill, not to train like he did with Arthur. It felt heavy.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, “it feels very good… it’s very, um, you know, swordy.”

His tension and nervousness were thick, it was almost touchable. Gwen looked away and wondered why he was so scared.

“I’ve packed some armour for you,” she said gently showing him the bag.

Merlin’s eyes went wide.

“I won’t be able to carry all that” he said.

Gwen was about to speak when the front door opened and Morgana walked into the room in riding clothes. Merlin stared at her for a second.

“You won’t have to,” she said. “We’re coming with you”

Merlin looked at Gwen and then at Morgana.

“What do you mean?” he asked confused.

“You’re going to need all the help you can get” Gwen said with a small smile on her lips, “I can mend armours and sharpen swords”

“And I know how to fight” Morgana added.

“But you can’t. I mean, why would you?” he asked confused and surprised.

“If it was the other way around, you’d help us. You already have, you saved my life!” Gwen said.

“And you helped me get the druid boy out of Camelot. We owe it to you, both of us” Morgana said.

He couldn’t say he didn’t because that’d be a lie, but he never expected them to put their lives on risk for him. He smiled a bit, thankful for them he smiled bigger and said his thanks way too many times.

After saying goodbye to Gaius, it took only two hours for him to leave.

His mother had fallen asleep on the horse and Annie was riding rather well to someone that rode horses only when a child, thankfully Morgana had close attention over the last horse on the group. It was already night when Hunith woke up and stood guard with Merlin while Annie, Morgana and Gwen were calmly asleep close to the dying fire.

“They shouldn’t be here,” Hunith said worried, “especially the Lady Morgana, isn’t she the king’s ward?”

Merlin shrugged.

“Not that you’d know it” he joked. “She’s the only person I know who isn’t frightened of him”

“It won’t make any difference to Kanen that they’re women,” Hunith said.

Merlin felt tense again.

“What Aunty Annie said about Beatrice…” he hesitated, “Is she alright?”

Hunith nodded.

“She’s fine, physically at least. Kanen took a liking on her, you know how she is, she’s never scared of saying what she has to say. But she changed so much since you left, Merlin. Now she’s an adult and she steps into harm’s way to make sure everyone else is fine” she started explaining, Merlin nodded; it sounded like Beatrice alright. “One of the kids was playing on the way, Kanen almost ran over him with his horse and she screamed at him and pulled him out the horse. Everyone thought he was going to kill her”

“Is a good thing he didn’t” he said.

“You didn’t hear the things he said to her in front of everyone, you didn’t hear him say what he’d do to her when he finally would get her alone with him. He ripped her dress and made her step out of it; she stood there until he was satisfied, naked and embarrassed. I never saw her crying so much, not even when you left” she finished telling.

A wave of anger washed over his veins. How could someone do such a thing to someone so sweet as Beatrice?

“I couldn’t talk them out of coming” he told his mother, “Now that I know, I want them following me even less… I’m going to make him pay for what he did to you”

“Promise me you’ll be careful” she begged hugging him close. “No one can find out about you”

Her eyes ran to the two unknown women sleeping.

“They won’t” he promised.

Unfortunately, they still had to think about someone in the village blurting out Merlin’s secret now that the village was aware of his powers since the day he saved Beatrice in front of some of the men. Hunith knew it was more like a rumour going around the village than anything else, most people didn’t even believe it anyway, but the rumour was enough to get Merlin killed if Arthur or Morgana wanted him to die.

Hunith sighed, she wanted to say more and make sure nothing would happen to her little boy that was no longer so little, but she couldn’t. She didn’t have words enough, pleads enough to make sure he was safe. That night she spent the whole time with her eyes closed, awake and praying to the Gods to make sure her baby was safe and happy when those terrible moments would end. But Merlin wasn’t her only child anymore because Will and Beatrice were also her children although not a single drop of blood was shared.

And the Gods heard and the Gods understood it.

Happiness to some of them was equal love, so love would come to Merlin.


	3. Merlin's Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's new friends learn a bit more about Merlin's life before Camelot.

**November 27 th – AUTUMN**

Kanen came back earlier than everyone expected.

Two days after his last visit, he was there in the very start of sunlight, pulling people out of their houses and getting their food. Will was quick to wake up, but his stomach fell cold when he noticed his sister was nowhere to be found – as Kanen was talking to people and searching for more food hidden, Will was busy running around trying to look for his sister or listen to her screams somewhere and yet nothing was found. He ran through everywhere in the village and the edge of the woods, yet nothing.

If he was calmer, he’d see that her bow and arrow were missing and so was her hunting clothes and shoes, but he was too scared to be logical. He ran back to his house to see Kanen’s men fighting people he didn’t recognize, until he saw the skinny frame of raven-coloured haired man against the door of one of the houses. Merlin. Merlin was back. He tried to contain his happiness as he watched some of Kanen’s men chocking on his own blood on the ground.

Will watched the other men leave.

It was time, his friend was back.

“You’re still up to the same old magic tricks again,” he teased. “Look, I thought I told you we didn’t want your kind around here”

But his smiled won.

“I missed you too, Will” said Merlin smiling big.

Merlin pulled his friend into a hug as he looked around. Will waved to Hunith and his mom, they waved back at him.

“It’s good to see you again” Merlin said.

“How have you been? I hear you’re skivvying for some prince” he teased again.

“No. I wouldn’t say I’m his skivvy” Merlin disagreed.

Arthur called out, he turned around.

“Gather the villagers, I need to talk to them” he ordered, he tried to ask for a moment, but Arthur was quicker. “Now, Merlin. There isn’t much time!”

Merlin sighed.

“Yes, sire” he agreed before turning to Will again. “Greet your sister for me, alright?”

He ran out to gather the villagers as quick as he could.

Will did not like Arthur. He was pretentious and stubbornly messing with things he did not understand, on top of that he was also extremely worried about Beatrice – his mother said that she was probably out hunting and that he wasn’t supposed to be worried about her, but it was almost lunch and she wasn’t back yet. So, because of his full mind, he put himself into his house and started trying to fix the things Kanen messed up.

“He knows what he’s doing” said Merlin coming after him, he was talking about his little breakdown with Arthur. “You’ve got to trust him” Will glared at his friend for being at Arthur’s side. “Look, when I first met Arthur I was exactly like you. I _hated_ him. I thought he was pompous and arrogant”

“Well, nothing’s changed there then” Will grumbled in anger.

“But in time I came to respect him for what he stands for, what he does” Merlin added hoping to get Will to trust his other friends.

Merlin had thought about that moment so many times. Will and Arthur would probably get along after some time together, but Will’s prejudice against nobles and bravery was making it hard to come true.

“Yeah” Will scoffed. “I know what he stands for. Princes, kings, all men like him!”

He fixed his late father’s armour.

“Will, don’t bring what happened to your father into this” Merlin asked.

“I’m not!” he exclaimed annoyed before turning to look at Merlin, Merlin nodded although he didn’t believe Will. “Why are you defending him so much? You’re just a servant”

“He’s also my friend!” Merlin trying to justify his feelings.

“Friends don’t lord it over one another”

“He isn’t like that”

“Really? Well, let’s wait until the fighting begins and see who he sends to die first. I guarantee you it won’t be him”

“I trust Arthur with my life”

“Is that so? So he knows your secret then?” Merlin hesitated, “Face it, Merlin… You’re living a lie, just like you were here. You’re Arthur’s servant, nothing more; otherwise you’d tell him the truth” he sighed. “Do you trust him enough to put my sister’s life into his hands? Because that’s what you’re doing. You’ve been so focused on him that you didn’t even notice that my sister isn’t here”

He had noticed she wasn’t there, but he didn’t say much about. His first thought – sadly – was that she was mad or embarrassed of him; the night they shared was something important and perhaps she had regretted it or even she was embarrassed that he knew what happened to her while he was away. Merlin didn’t talk about it because he thought she was running away from him, he didn’t want to make her uncomfortable so he didn’t look for her.

But now it was too late to pretend he didn’t know because now Will had suspicious eyes over him.

“You noticed”

_It isn’t a question,_ Merlin worried in thoughts.

“How couldn’t I?”

“Why didn’t you try to find her then?” Another moment of hesitation. Merlin was scared of Will’s reaction if he knew the truth. “Merlin, what happened?”

“Nothing. I’m sure she’s fine… I don’t see her bow”

“Did something happen between you and my sister?” Will asked, “You’re acting weird and if I find out that something happened and you say it didn’t, I’ll be really mad”

Merlin hesitated again and sat on one of the benches of Will’s kitchen table.

“I professed my liking for your sister the night before I left,” he told him trying to hold back as much information from him without having to lie, “I thought she was avoiding me because I didn’t stay for her after she said she loved me and I didn’t say it back”

“You didn’t?” Will asked confused.

“I couldn’t. How could I say I loved her and just leave her in the next morning? She’d never forgive me or believe me again, so I didn’t say it back” he said.

_Stop asking questions now, please, before I spill everything and you kill me,_ Merlin though begging Will to stop talking for a moment.

“You better really trust that man you call prince, if my sister gets a single scratch I will cut his head off” Will said, “I don’t care if I’m going to die after it, but I _will_ have my sister safe”

Merlin nodded.

“More than trust my own life to Arthur, I’d trust my mother’s and your mother’s and your sister’s lives to him without hesitation,” Merlin said getting up from the bench, “that’s how much I trust him”

Will did not go to Merlin’s house for lunch, but Annie did. Hunith and Annie were quick to start a fire, but they didn’t let Gwen help them on the kitchen so the four young adults were sitting in the table waiting for the food they were promised.

Merlin was a bit ashamed, but he tried not to look uncomfortable about it. Morgana and Arthur were used to the best of the best of food, but in Ealdor having food was already a luxury that not all could have every day and he knew that it was something the two of them most likely didn’t understand. Gwen caught on quickly to why Merlin had attentive eyes over the kitchen: he wanted to know what they were making; not because he was hungry, but because he wanted to see how much they had so he could know if he could eat as much as he wanted or if he had to take a single plate so they would have enough food for dinner too. Gwen’s eyes were quick to pass the message to Morgana and she nodded, she tried to look less formal by not using her total posture or by putting her hands on the table, but Arthur seemed unware as he looked around the small house with interest.

“So you lived here your whole life?” he asked Merlin.

Merlin looked at him.

“Yes, sire. Since I was born” he answered.

“I saw you talking to a guy before gathering the villagers”

“Oh, it was Will” he answered. “The guy that was a bit rude –“ he stopped, glanced at Annie and bit his lip and Arthur nodded, “Anyway, he is my friend since I can remember; we’re the same age”

Annie chuckled from the kitchen.

“Same age indeed, Will is only three days older than Merlin” she told, “They were always together. The Golden Trio”

“Trio?” Morgana asked.

“Oh, Beatrice” Merlin answered, everyone on the table looked at him with raised eyebrows. “She’s Will’s little sister, she’s two years younger than us. She’s go everywhere with us,” he looked at Annie, “sometimes I wonder how Annie never got mad at me and Will for taking her with us to our little adventures, Bea was always getting hurt because of us. A few times on the knee, but… nothing wins from the chin she opened up when she fell from the tree when she was six”

“That one wasn’t your fault, it was Will that made her fall” Annie said loudly bringing the potatoes.

Possum and potatoes, it was all they had and that was what they’d have in supper.

“Where is she now?” Arthur asked.

He was a bit upset about Merlin never mentioning the girl before, but he soon swallowed his anger because it was none of his business so he didn’t ask anything about it.

“Hunting” Annie said sitting down.

Morgana looked up surprised.

“She is the hunter?” she asked.

“Not really,” said Merlin, “all men in the village are hunters, but she’s better at the bow than Will is and he’s a way better farmer than she is” he chuckled and smiled to himself, “She can’t stay too much under the sun, she gets sunburned very easily”

Annie tried to ignore the need to raise her eyebrows to Merlin and his sweet-idiotic smile, but she couldn’t and she just questioned him with her eyes, but Merlin didn’t look at her because at that moment someone opened the door and he stopped breathing.

There she was. Beatrice standing with her hunting clothes (a simple green tunic and brown trousers), bow crossed through her body and four big rabbits in the shoelace she’d bring with her to her hunting trips. Her hair was put up in a ponytail and the curls that had escaped were pointing everywhere, there was some grass, leaves and even two yellow dots that Merlin thought to be flower petals, her eyes were concentrated on putting the rabbits down and she dropped her arrows to the ground.

“I’m so tired!” she announced looking out of the door. “I just got home and Will is a terrible mood, what a prat!” Arthur raised his eyebrows. Indeed, she was Merlin’s friend. “At least Old Tom told me you two are back and I saw the horses—“ she grabbed her hair and pulled the leather line that was keeping it up, her curls went down, she looked at the table. “Oh!”

Three people she did not know were sitting there looking at her in a funny way, but one of the people in the table seemed oddly familiar.

And suddenly she was frozen.

The raven hair she dreamed of putting her fingers through again, the blue eyes she hoped she could look into again, the white skin she dreamed of biting again and the plump rosy lips she dreamed kissing again.

Merlin got up from his sit and stood there for a moment as everyone exchanged confused looks.

For a moment Merlin just stood there expecting anger from Beatrice, but she never felt angry to him; all she had to give him was love and all he wanted was to keep her safe, but he was feeling a misplaced and off feeling of guilt. They were in growing up bodies, they were still kids trying to learn how to feel and how to act; slowly, but they were learning nonetheless. One second later he opened his arms and Beatrice stumbled forward before jumping into his arms, squeezing him tight as she squealed loudly in excitement. Her legs went around his waist, one of his hands flew to the high of her thigh to keep her from falling and the other one went to her back to keep her there.

“Hey, Bea” he mumbled in her ear.

“You’re back! You’re back!” she squealed, her body was going up and down as if some type of jumping, he held her tighter. “Are you back for good?” she asked pulling away putting her arms on his shoulders.

His arms went under her supporting her behind in an innocent way, but it made Arthur look at Morgana who was just as surprised as he was. Gwen looked away; so that was why he wasn’t interested in her at all.

“I don’t know” he said.

She groaned in sadness and hugged him again.

Annie laughed finding the scene funny, but Hunith had tears in her eyes, she tried to cover it up by looking up and sniffing quietly. Hunith had always an odd fantasy where she’d see her Merlin getting married to Annie’s Beatrice and seeing that scene was like a piece of a dream she could control.

Beatrice finally put herself back together and Merlin helped her down. She sniffed, but there were not tears.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Yeah” she said nodding, “I was just surprised. I didn’t expect you to come back… I mean, I know you care about the village and all, but… I didn’t expect you here, you know?” she put a strand of her curls behind her ear, “You know” she shrugged smiled. “I missed you”

“I missed you too”

There was a moment of silence. Arthur thought it was weird that Merlin – non-stop talker Merlin – was so quiet as he looked to a girl so deeply.

“Hey, Merlin, won’t you present us?” he asked out loud.

The couple finally looked at the people on the table again. For a moment they had forgotten completely that they weren’t alone, but part of Merlin was happy that Arthur had spoken because he knew that a few seconds more staring at her would result in a kiss and then he wouldn’t be able to stop.

“Oh, yes!” he said blinking a couple of times. “This is Beatrice, Will’s sister and Annie’s daughter. Bea, this is the Crown Prince Arthur Pendragon, the Lady Morgana, King Uther’s ward, and Gwen, a good friend of mine and Morgana’s maidservant”

_A friend?,_ wondered Beatrice.

She smiled.

“How do you do?” she asked sweetly.

She did not bow or looked down, she just smiled. Arthur wondered why, but she knew that it was probably for the same reason Will didn’t like nobles, she was just a bit more polite in the showing of that despicable personality trait she shared with her brother.

“Will you stay for lunch?” Merlin asked.

“May I?” she asked. “I mean, there’s some rice in my house and that pretty much all, because all the potatoes there are is in yours. If there isn’t enough I won’t be upset”

Merlin shook his head at the same time Hunith did.

“There’s enough for all of us, dear” said the mother. “Sit with us. Eat, you’ve been away since four in the morning or that’d what Will told me”

“Well, at least I brought dinner with me, Aunty” she joked going after the rabbits and putting it over the other small table in the corner. “I’ve heard about Kanen coming earlier today, I must thank you, my Lord and my Lady for the help”

Arthur smiled at her and Morgana nodded gently. Arthur and Morgana were sharing the same thoughts: _why didn’t Merlin tell me?_ Gwen put a plate of food beside her and scooted farther from Merlin so she could sit between her and Merlin. Beatrice smiled to her as a thank you and sat beside her friend.

“At least Angelica was with you in the woods, right?” said Annie.

“Yeah”

“Her husband was very worried,”

Merlin’s eyes were wide.

“Husband?!” he asked. “She’s sixteen!”

“So what?” Hunith asked.

“That’s Beatrice’s age” he said.

“I’m almost seventeen!” she exclaimed.

“Beatrice isn’t married because she doesn’t want to; she refused enough proposals to make Will and I go crazy” said Annie. “Now that we’re talking about it, Beatrice, you need to find a husband before you get too old to do so”

“’Old’?” she asked, “Mum, I’m almost seventeen still. There’s a long way for me to go before getting ‘too old’ for marriage. I don’t want to get married to someone I don’t love, you said you wouldn’t be mad about it anymore”

_Let’s not talk about it with Merlin here, please_ , she begged mentally. Merlin was the only reason she had said no to so many proposals; how could she accept and marry someone when her whole heart and body belong to Merlin and only to Merlin? That’s break her heart and she knew that, although Merlin didn’t say he loved her back, he felt _something_ for her and she wanted to have the chance to understand completely what it was before trying to move on.

Morgana and Gwen exchanged looks when Merlin got suddenly quiet and grave on the face. Nobody touched the subject again.

After lunch, Arthur was unpacking and tending his sword as Merlin and Beatrice was doing the dishes. Morgana and Gwen had gone for a short stroll accompanied by Annie and Hunith to see the village, he was trying to be quiet and listen to the small conversation going on in the kitchen although he was in the bedroom sitting on the only bed of the house.

“Did you not marry because of—“ Merlin cut himself short.

“Partially,” she agreed, “not completely though”

There was a moment of silence, Arthur bit his lips and cleaned his sword louder so they could hear it and think he wasn’t listening to them.

“Care to explain?”

“What happened between us… I liked it, I wanted it and I love you in many ways, perhaps in more ways that you love me, but it doesn’t matter to me because I don’t regret it” she mumbled, Arthur stopped cleaning. “I just don’t think it’d be fair for me to marry someone if I don’t love them… it’s not fair to me and it’s not fair to them”

“Besides the fact that they believe you are—“ he stopped again, “If they find out otherwise—“

“I’ll die. Yes, I know” she said. “I’ll only marry when the person I marry know I’m not pure, but you know that our people don’t care much about it. Christians are just... lame” she scoffed, “I hate them”

“Sh!” he said loudly.

“Oh, yeah, Camelot is Christian, right?” she wondered out loud. “Sorry. They are against our, I mean, _my_ people?”

Merlin knew she was just trying to keep him ‘away’ from the pagan guilt because he’d be the one going back to that place. Arthur couldn’t do anything to her while he was in their village where everyone was pagan, but he could punish Merlin for his religion when they were back to Camelot if he wanted to. She was trying to protect him – she wasn’t doing it very well, but she was trying anyway.

“ _Our_ people” he corrected, “Camelot is Christian, but they are accepting of people from other religions. I don’t exactly make my religion public, but I don’t hide it either. The only thing they aren’t accepting of is magic”

She looked at him.

_And yet you are there_ , she said only with her eyes.

Merlin smiled to her.

Silence. Arthur went back to cleaning his sword; the noise in the background made the couple believe they had privacy.

“I want to kiss you” she said.

Arthur’s eyes went wide as he was still cleaning.

“Then do it”

Arthur’s eyes grew twice as big in shock.

_Merlin, you sly dog!_

The wet noise was a bit louder they probably thought it was so they were so lost in their kiss that they didn’t realise that Arthur had left his sword and ran out of the house as fast as he could, but he got to see the kiss. It was improper to be had in a house when they weren’t alone. Merlin had the girl pressed against the wall, there was no space between them, her hands her hugging his waist but his hands were against her behind, pushing her hips against his. Arthur ran out faster.

Arthur did not come back until everyone else was going back and the sun was disappearing.


	4. To See Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old Shawna had a glimpse of the future - she sees much more than a battle, she sees death

Will was acting weird and everyone noticed it, but only Merlin knew the real reason, while everyone assumed it was because he was being forced to eat with all those people.

The village had agreed to do just one supper for the whole village and they sat in the middle of the road with a bonfire and eating the scarce rabbit stew; most of the meat had gone for Arthur, Morgana and some of the children, nobody seemed to mind though. Will was sulking in the corner and refused to eat more than a few spoons, but forced Beatrice to eat his leftovers because she hasn’t been eating a lot. He had also forced her to sit with him away from Merlin.

Arthur was starting to notice how Will was glaring at Merlin every once in a while when he caught the man smiling at Beatrice. Arthur had been a bit curious, but shy to ask Merlin about the girl – it was clear that kisses weren’t the only things they shared, but Merlin had never talked about her to anyone and it made Arthur curious and uncomfortable because he thought Merlin was a decent guy, but now he wasn’t just as sure. Morgana was a bit quicker to realise that they weren’t the only ones to find Merlin’s affections for the girl a bit over the top to a simple friendship and that Will was most likely trying – in one way or another – protect his sister from a heartbreak when Merlin went back to Camelot with them. But Gwen was close enough to Merlin to see he really liked the girl; the way he looked at her was simply breath-taking, he’d kill and he’d die for her in one breath, no hesitation at all, and the most beautiful thing about it all was that Beatrice would kill and die for him too.

People were quiet, there was little conversation. Only one person seemed happy and that was Old Shawna who smiled a lot to Arthur and his company, especially to Merlin. Since Merlin’s powers were made public to the village she had taken a great liking of him, she told Beatrice one day that it was because she already knew he was ‘dripping with magic’, but she was happy that he finally found a use to his powers; she called it noble, protecting people with powers that could kill, Beatrice agreed.

“Beatrice, dear,” called Old Shawna loudly, everyone looked up, “why don’t you sing us a song?”

Whispers of agreement started to sound through the people eating. Arthur looked around confused.

“What song, Grandma?” asked Beatrice.

“Something sweet, perhaps a love song?” she asked.

Beatrice thought for a second. Morgana noticed how people seemed excited to hear the girl singing, even the kids had stopped complaining they were sleepy to listen to her in silence, the adults were now smiling a little and couples were holding hands. Gwen held Morgana’s arm in excitement and smiled. Arthur rolled his eyes not understanding why people were so excited about someone singing, only then he understood that they had rarely a bard or two passing by, but never been to a real court party or anything like that and that girl was most likely the closest thing they had to entertainment.

The only sound now was the fire cracking as Beatrice looked around trying to think of a song to sing. Her eyes looked at Merlin.

“Why doesn’t Merlin pick a song now that he’s back home?” she asked.

The younger kids nodded and looked at Merlin in expectation.

“Sing my favourite song, you know how much I love when you sing it” he said smiling to her.

Beatrice smiled and nodded.

A sweet melody started. Arthur smiled in surprise to such a beautiful voice in a simple song – Merlin’s favourite song. Morgana was the first to notice she did not understand what the song was saying, Gwen looked confused right after and then Arthur did too.

“What is she saying?” he mumbled to Merlin.

“She’s singing in our original language, but everyone here usually uses English, it's just easier to deal with outsiders like that” he explained. “ _On the seashore are red roses, on the seashore are white lillies, on the seashore is my darling who sleeps at night and wakes by morning”_ he translated, he waited for her to start the second part of the song, “ _On the seashore is a flat stone where I exchanged a word with my sweetheart, around this stone grows the lily and a few sprigs of rosemary”_ he waited again for the last part of the song to start, “ _On the seashore are blue stones, on the seashore are the flowers of youth, on the seashore are all mode of virtues; on the seashore is my own sweetheart”_

Morgana smiled. She knew Merlin was romantic, a lover even, but she never imagined him liking this type of songs.

Nobody clapped, which Arthur thought was weird, but then everyone repeated the last part of the song together – Merlin included –, they sang calmly, the song sounded hauntingly beautiful when sang by so many voices at once.

When it was finally over, Old Shawna smiled again and got up from the short bench she was sitting in, the people around her helped her fix her posture before she stood up completely.

“We will fight,” she said loudly, “and if we fight our last fight, we’ll die proudly. _We all come from the Goddess; and to Her we shall return. Like a drop of rain flowing to the ocean_ ” she said. “I will fight, I saw it and I shall die”

Silence. Arthur looked around surprised and confused; that woman just said she saw herself dying and nobody seemed like they do anything to stop her. He had heard to Seers, but now there was one of the people that his father wanted so much to kill right in front of him and aware of her own death. He looked at Merlin expecting to see his face and understand that she was just a dramatic old lady and that she wasn’t going to die, but he regretted looking at Merlin, there was so much hurt in his eyes that he wondered who was that woman to him.

Old Shawna was well loved in the village. She was the elder, the one people would go after for talks of the heart, the one people would ask to make their marriage and she was the healer, she had saved so many people in there and even other villages that came after her for help. Knowing that they’d lose the village’s ‘grandmother’ was painful to all them, but they all knew her great power as Seer too and if she said she was to die in that battle then no one could say otherwise.

“I have my heir and I must say her name now,” said Shawna, “Hunith, you are now the Healer and Ceremony Maker of Ealdor. You were always there to help me with the births and illnesses, I believe it’s time for you to take my place”

People nodded. Merlin looked almost proud, but his sadness was still too much to be ignored.

“I accept it with honour, Grandmother” said Hunith.

“Great, my dear” she nodded. “Now I must talk to some of you in particular, alright? It’s my goodbye”

People started to go back to their houses. Arthur copied them. Hunith was clearly tired and sad so Gwen took over and fixed everyone’s places to sleep – Arthur was surprised when Merlin gave the bed to Gwen and Morgana, Hunith had gone to Annie’s house and was going to sleep with her.

“I’m sorry about that woman” said Arthur trying to sound sympathy and sad too, but he couldn’t really understand completely how Merlin was feeling. “She looks dear to all of you”

“She is,” he agreed, “that woman is the reason so many kids are healthy and alive. We don’t have much food, many pregnant ladies get very ill due the lack of something her body needs; I saw so many things happening to them that I can’t take it out of my mind until today. Since I was a child my mother would help Old Shawna with the births so I’d follow, I was in charge of little things like getting cloths and holding the ladies’ hands, but I saw seizures and death before I was able to understand it” he sighed, “Old Shawna saved Annie and Beatrice. Bea was born dead, Annie had a fever. No one knows how they survived, but Shawna was so calm and happy that no one got worried. She knew they would survive” he smiled. “It’s hard to have to say goodbye”

Arthur nodded. He compared Old Shawna to Gaius – Gaius had always been there, always helping the castle and Arthur, for God’s sake, he taught him to read and held his hands while he was learning to walk until his poor, old back started to hurt. He felt a small part of Merlin’s pain in that moment.

The door opened when everyone was already in their sleeping clothes, Arthur jumped by the startling loud sound.

It was Beatrice, she was in her nightgown. Arthur looked away, he felt like that sight was something too private, but nobody in the village seemed to think the same – _Pagans,_ he thought, _they would walk naked if they wanted to_.

“Merlin, she’s calling you” she said.

Merlin got up from his place in the ground.

“Why are you dressed in your nightgown? Where are your shoes?” he asked confused sitting down before standing.

“My mom kicked me out, sort of” she explained. “Your mom is crying and my mom told me to go away, so I did. Besides, Will is with his sweetheart”

“Will has a sweetheart?”

“Long story. Besides, Old Shawna said I’m not going back home tonight, so, yeah” she rolled her eyes. “Put a coat on and come out, Old Shawna wants to talk to you tonight” she looked to the people on the bed and to Arthur in the ground. “Don’t worry if he takes a long time, I don’t think he’ll come back here before sunrise”

Morgana and Gwen exchanged looks. Arthur blushed remembering the kiss and the talk he saw and heard.

Merlin put on his coat and, still barefoot, left the house.

Arthur groaned in disgust.

“They are so obvious!” he complained.

“What are you talking about?” Morgana asked.

“She and Merlin were kissing, so I ran away from the house” he explained.

Morgana giggled loudly and Gwen muffled her laugh as Arthur groaned in pain for sleeping in the ground and in disgust for the memory burned in his brain for forever now. He did not say that Merlin and Beatrice most likely had done much more than kissing.

The talk was calm. Old Shawna was just saying her goodbyes and saying something that he heard way too many times in his life: ‘your destiny is grand’. He wondered if she knew since he was a child of his destiny, but for her smile she clearly did.

“Your destiny must be accomplished _alone_ , but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone forever, Merlin” she said sweetly, they were alone in her small house, “There’s someone who’s always by your side even when not physically” he raised his eyebrows. “You know who I’m talking about, she’s always there for you and always waiting for you… Even if you didn’t wait for her, she’d wait for you. But you do wait”

Merlin’s smile was relaxed. He was just waiting for the moment Old Shawna would talk about Beatrice. It was nice to hear she’d wait for him, because he did wait for her – in Camelot many servants seemed to be interested in him, he would let them down quietly and gently, but sometimes it was hard because some of them could be easily considered friends to him and other times they’d get so upset they’d start ignoring him and running away whenever he walked by for something.

“I do, I’d wait the whole eternity” he agreed.

“The Gods agree with this relationship. I don’t see why it isn’t official yet” she said.

“I must leave after this over, I have to protect Arthur” he said, “I wouldn’t dare to make her mine and then walk away, I wouldn’t bear the thought she’d be alone while I’ll be far from here. She deserves someone that will be there for her, that will help around the house and take care of her and their children”

“She doesn’t need to be alone, Merlin” she smiled at him. “And neither does you”

Merlin stared at her feeling very confused.

“Are you telling me to –“

“Take her with you” she said, her smile went away. “You protect the Once and Future King, that’s your destiny. Her destiny is to protect you while you need her protection”

Merlin blinked. Beatrice had no powers, she hated fighting and she was reckless. How could someone like that protect him in somewhere like Camelot where a single word could be the difference between life and death sentence.

“Beatrice protecting me?” he asked trying not to sound as if he wanted to laugh. “She isn’t weak at all, but I don’t see how she could protect me from anything in Camelot”

“You’ll see soon, my dear” Old Shawna said. “Women are stronger than you give them credit. Not all people may be strong physically or by Gods’ given powers, there’s something way more important: courage. Beatrice and your mother are the most brave and courageous women I’ve met in my not so long life; they have no trouble speaking their mind and standing up for themselves and for others that need, but Beatrice is still young and she’s still learning the power of well-chosen words in the right time”

“I don’t understand why you mean”

“Lies can kill, but her lies can save lives” Old Shawna explained poorly.

Merlin sighed. Had Old Shawna made a pact with the Dragon to never give Merlin straight answers? Of course he knew that sometimes straight answers could make the future change or make him take biased decisions, and yet he was still worried about what those people always meant when they talked in riddles with him.

“Do you think she’d come with me if I asked her to?” Merlin asked Old Shawna.

“She gave you a million reasons to stay, give her one reason to go and she’ll be there for you” Old Shawna answered. “She’s your best friend, she’d kill and she’d die for you, but she’s still a smart human being – to follow you blindly is not something she wants, she wants to follow you and know you’d follow her too. Even the Gods know a relationship of this important can’t be one-sided by any means. She’s trying to get closer to you, try to get closer to her too”

“You mean—“ he stopped.

They both knew what she meant, but no one wanted to say it out loud. Marriage was a very on the nose option in there.

Merlin nodded to himself. Marriage really seemed like something he wanted with Beatrice, but he feared she’d say no and everything they had ever worked to get would fall apart – friendship, companionship and the type of shy and innocent love they had going on for so long could be lost and he wasn’t ready for that, he wasn’t ready to lose her. But one look at Old Shawna and he knew that if he didn’t do anything he’d also lose.

“Take this, my child” Old Shawna said giving him a small flask filled with a yellowish liquid. “She’ll need it tonight. Don’t worry, if anyone asks I’ll tell them I asked you two to perform a small ritual for me” she smiled. “Not that anyone would be surprised if they knew what you two will be really doing at this time of the night”

Merlin blushed.

“She told you?”

“She came to me right after you left, she told me she needed a potion” she pointed at the small flask on Merlin’s hand and smiled. “She needed _that_ potion”

Merlin looked at the potion in his hand. He had been so dumb, Beatrice was a woman and women get pregnant! He was lucky that Beatrice was smart enough to get a potion to make sure nothing like that would happen. For a moment he hated himself for letting her worry about something so serious by herself; for Goddess’ sake, he was a bastard himself, he should have been more careful to not sire another bastard.

“Oh”

It was all he said, but it made Old Shawna chuckle.

“Don’t worry, Merlin, dear, all acts of love and pleasure are acts of the Goddess; none of the ancestors, deities of Gods blame you for anything. You love her and she loves you” she smiled at him. “Now go on, she’s waiting for you. Light a candle for Goddess tonight, she’s working a lot to make sure everyone here will be safe”

“My mother—“

“Will be alright by herself,” she smiled sadly, “she done this before”

“If I take Beatrice with me, what will be of Annie and Will?” he asked.

“Annie and Hunith are not friends, they’re sisters; they’ll take care of each other. Will is no longer by himself, but you know it” Old Shawna smiled sadly. “I’m sad I won’t be able to be here by spring, but I’ll be much happier if you agree to be here for his marriage. His children will need you, Merlin”

Merlin nodded.

“I’ll be here for his marriage, I promise” he said.

“Good. Now go on, before she falls asleep outside. Just remember things will change from now on, and change a lot… don’t be scared, just help her”

Merlin left quickly.

Outside Old Shawna’s little cottage, Beatrice was sitting on the ground still in her nightgown, but now she had a quilt around herself, her eyes were closed and her head was resting against her knees because her legs were pulled against her chest. Merlin watched her for a moment; she was looking so peaceful and calm even though it was so cold outside. It was the end of autumn and winter was approaching quickly and everyone knew how harsh the winters were being the last few years. Merlin didn’t want her to be sick, so he was quick to crouch beside her.

“Bea” he mumbled, her closed eyes moved around, but stayed closed. “Hey, little bunny, time to wake up” this time she opened her eyes looking at Merlin a bit confused. “Hi” he smiled at her and she smiled back.

“Hi” she said back.

‘Little Bunny’, it’s been years since the last time he called her that. Since she was a child, Beatrice had big front teeth and when she was younger her teeth were used by the other kids to tease her, she hated her teeth… until Merlin started calling her ‘little bunny’ in a sweet, loving way and slowly she grew she learned more than to rely on Merlin for protection of her fragile self-esteem, she grew to love herself. Merlin had to take a few steps back to realize that, but now he could see how confident the little girl he was used to seeing had become. It was no surprise to him that some men were crazy about begging her to marry them; if he wasn’t such a coward he’d probably do the same right at that moment.

She looked so pretty, so innocent and so happy right at that moment. One look at her and anyone would kill and die for her; she was exactly what Aphrodite would have to look like to manage to seduce him.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She nodded and her legs got straight in the ground, she showed the white candle in her hands.

“Did Old Shawna tell you about the candle?” she asked.

He nodded.

“We should go to the Circle” he said.

Merlin got up and reached out his hand for her, but Beatrice got up on her own and didn’t even see his hand stretched out for her as he got comfier into the quilt. Slowly, they walked side by side to the Circle. Beatrice was walking slower than normal, he was quick to notice this and even quicker to understand why. She didn’t want to say goodbye to Old Shawna, she didn’t want to tell the Gods to take care of her for soon she’d be in their Great Hall, dining and partying with them until she was ready to be reborn. Merlin knew she was a very devoted person to all the Gods and that she was happy Old Shawna was to die within kin, circle by family and loved ones; yet it was hard to say goodbye and ask for the Gods to bless her passing before it even happened.

The down-side of being a Seer was that people around you would always suffer in advance.

When they got to the Circle, they sat right on the middle in silence.

Merlin watched as Beatrice mumbled words of protection to the candle and to the Circle she had opened. He held her hands as they put the candle on the ground. A quick prayer and puppy-eyes from Beatrice was enough, Merlin used a quick magic to light it up. She put her hands over it, he put his hands over hers.

“…and to Hekate, Lady of Magic and Keeper of the Gates, I’m here to beg you a quick and painless passage to the Otherworld for Shawna, a person that done more good than bad in this world. To Hades, Lord of the Otherworld, I beg she has a good new life and comfort in the new place. To Persephone,…” Merlin looked at her confused wondered what she was doing talking to Persephone, “… Lady of Spring and Flowers, I beg a colourful life, bring to Shawna the comfort of this place to her new life with colours and flowers, make the smell of the spring she loves to much fill her lungs in your kingdom, my Lady”

Beatrice looked at the flame and it grew to a tall point before going back to normal. Merlin felt confused. Beatrice had no magic and yet the flames were answering her. He noticed she couldn’t find her own voice; her mouth would open and close as she stared at the candle almost as confused as him. Merlin was quick to jump on to finish the quick ritual of warning of death.

“I thank the Mother, the Triple Goddess, for the life Old Shawna was able to live and for the love she was able to give. I thank the Father, the Horned God, for the loving death she’ll have and I promise to protect her and prepare her to the journey she’s about to take on, I ask nothing more than a good rebirth to her for I’m responsible to her comfortable death” he said, she looked at him. “I thank thee…”

“…and I bid farewell” Beatrice and him finished together.

They stepped away from the candle. Merlin took the quilt and covered Beatrice’s shoulder as he smiled sadly. Neither of them wanted to do such a ritual, but they were glad it was over. Together, they looked at the candle for a few seconds – it was supposed to stay light up for seven days straight.

“I hate this” she mumbled.

“At least she’s home. We’re here and we’ll be here until she’s gone” he answered. “She’s happy she’s dying to protect the village; she’s proud”

She nodded.

A cold breeze passed by and Beatrice got a chill, Merlin hugged her close to make sure she wasn’t as cold and Beatrice threw the quilt over his shoulder too, they were one in that embrace.

Merlin gathered all his courage to say something he had been keeping for way longer than he intended.

“I love you” he said.

She looked up at him, a hint of surprise obvious and that broke his heart. Beatrice had opened herself up, said no to several proposals of good and secure marriages all because he loved him although she never knew if he loved her back. She didn’t say anything to mend his heart, but kisses him. Their lips are dry from the cold, their lips crack against each other as they share the comfortable kiss they were waiting for. They part. They kiss. They part again.

There – in each other’s embrace, hidden from the world – they forgotten the situation that lead them to meet again and the situation that made them be in that Circle. Together that night, they felt like a miracle, they felt like magic. They didn’t know each other, they didn’t know what people they were… they were just pieces of puzzles becoming one after so long being apart. For that whole night, Beatrice touches Merlin with teeth, nails and bone-cracking hugs as if in terrifying fear of him disappearing from her hands as he did ever so often in her dreams. Merlin touches her as if she was skin and flesh, not bones or tendon – she was fragile in his hands, he was terrified of breaking her, hurting her. And that night was even better than the first because that night – as she arched herself against him like a cat on a stretch – he held her closer, pulling her into a kiss, fearing she’d run away to the deepest of his imagination as she so often did in his nights.

As the sun came up, they were both lying in the quilt, holding one another to keep the cold away. They kissed after it, more than once, more than twice – they were one, they didn’t belong to one another because they were a single one. The potion was taken and they lied there, resting after a tiring night

Beatrice fell asleep soon before the sun came, when she woke to light against her face she was confused as if she expected it all to be a dream, but she looked at him and he looked at her.

“Hi” she said.

“I love you” he answered. “And I promise to tell you this every morning you wake up by my side”

“I love you” she said. “But you already knew that”

“I don’t want to be too forward—“

“Then don’t be” she said cutting him off before closing her eyes again and getting closer to him. “Be sure before saying the words I think you might say”

“I am sure” he said. “I have been this sure only when I say I love you, this is the deepest truth there is in my heart”

“If you are this sure” she said. “My answer will always be yes”

Merlin smirked.

“Do you even know what I’m about to say?” he teased.

“You want me to come to marry you”

Beatrice smiled at him and Merlin laughed. Of course she knew; they were one, his mind was no longer only his.

“And you said yes?”

“Yes” she smiled at him and straddled him, her naked body completely to his view, “Do you want me to say it again? Yes. Do you want me to scream to all the Gods? YES!”

Merlin sat up and put his hand over her mouth as he laughed. She pushed his hand away as they laughed together. Merlin pulled her close and they embraced again.

“I feel like you’re the only thing I have ever done right in my life” he said. “I’ve been so focused on protecting Arthur and trying to keep his stubborn arse out of trouble, what seems to be following him, that I had little time to myself. I’ve been feeling like I’m doing everything all wrong and yet I’m here, in your arms, and suddenly I’m sure of everything. I’m sure of myself and I’m sure of you, of us”


	5. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ealdor is getting ready to fight and Beatrice and Merlin finally tells others about their engagement

**Fight**

Arthur scoffed as he woke up in the next morning to find Merlin’s bed empty. That boy was simply impossible. It took him a minute to fully wake up and understand that what woke him up was Hunith walking into the house, Gwen and Morgana were already awake and dressed.

“Morning” he said scratching his head. “Merlin isn’t back yet?”

“I’m right here, sire!” a voice said.

Merlin rushed into his own house, sleeping clothes still on, they were a bit messy and untidy, but he looked rather clean to someone Arthur thought to be messing around in the woods, he was flushed and looked a lot more tired than Arthur expected.

He hadn’t been sleeping, that much was clear.

As Arthur was getting dressed, Hunith was busy preparing breakfast. Nobody asked where Merlin had been, Arthur didn’t dare to embarrass him in front of his mother.

“Have you still not learned how to dress yourself?” Morgana asked in a teasing manner.

“You don’t have a dog and fetch the stick yourself” he said, he glanced at Hunith before looking back at Merlin. “No offense, Merlin” he mumbled.

“None taken” the manservant answered.

“Prince Arthur, here’s your breakfast” said Hunith quickly giving him a bowl.

Arthur looked into the bowl. It was a pasty-textured disgusting looking porridge, he was sure he didn’t want to eat that.

“Thank you” he said politely.

“Eat up” teased Morgana again.

He glared at his father’s ward and smelled it. No. The smell was as worse as the looks.

To his luck, Hunith was quick to get herself busy again and he looked around trying to find an alternative. His alternative walked in at that moment – Beatrice with a simple black trouser and white shirt. He gave the bowl to her.

Confused, she looked at him. He put his hand on her shoulder as he started to walk towards the door.

“Alright, let’s go, Merlin. Change your clothes and meet me there” he said leaving. “We need wood, and lots of it”

Arthur didn’t do it on purpose, he just really didn’t want to eat that disgusting looking food he was simply not used to, but Beatrice wasn’t the only one to take offense on this, Gwen was simply furious at that point. Beatrice, offended and hungry, ate the porridge quickly to make sure Hunith didn’t know about Arthur’s lack of manners.

“I’m sorry about him” said Morgana.

Beatrice looked at her and shrugged, her mouth was too full of food for her to speak.

“It’s fine” she mumbled when she was finally able to.

Gwen knew it wasn’t fine, but it wasn’t her place to say anything.

“Beatrice, dear” said Hunith coming back into view. “Old Shawna spoke to you? Did she say anything important?”

“No, Aunty” she said walking past the two women and going to Hunith. “Merlin and I went to the Circle last night, we lit a candle as she asked and prayed to the Gods”

Gwen and Morgana looked at each other a bit surprised, but not so much. They didn’t know Merlin was Pagan, but it wasn’t like they could expect something too different from him when he lived his whole life in such a small village in Pagan kingdom.

Morgana left to go after Arthur. Gwen left after Morgana, Merlin came from the back of the room with clothes on his hands.

Merlin took off his shirt and trousers in front of his mother and Beatrice, none of them minded as he changed quickly.

“He must care for you a great deal,” said Hunith to Merlin.

Beatrice looked at the boy too pretending not to notice the reddish marks on his body that she knew would become purple very soon.

“Arthur would do the same for any village, that’s just the way he is” he said putting his tunic on.

“It’s more than that and you know it” Beatrice said. “Mom told me he talked back to the king, asking for a few men. You’re a fool if you don’t see he’s here for you”

“I’m just his servant” he said looking at the girl.

“You’re his friend” she answered.

“Give him more credit than that. He likes you” Hunith said siding with the girl beside her.

“That’s because he doesn’t know me” Merlin said back. “If he did, I’d probably be dead by now” he smiled sadly.

He was sad he’d never be able to be completely honest with his friends without fearing getting killed.

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Hunith asked.

His smiled slowly broke away. He did believe that.

“I need to go, he’s expecting me” he said.

He stepped closer to his mother and kissed her forehead, he turned to Beatrice and with a small smirk he kissed her lips with a gentle peck. Innocent enough to make his mother shocked, but not blush. He left with his axe before his mother could ask too much questions and left Beatrice to answer all of them, he pretended not to feel the girl’s glare on his back.

Supper was simply chaotic.

Merlin had gathered the both families in his house and there was very heavy, the silence was uncomfortable and nobody but the couple and Hunith knew why everyone was gathered for supper.

“Hmm…” said Merlin uncomfortable when Hunith just stared at them.

Will just stared at them too, he was clearly uncomfortable about being there with Prince Arthur glancing him every now and then. Morgana, Gwen and Annie were curious, but they thought that Merlin was just doing that in hopes everyone would get along, but Annie knew her daughter and saw her nervous she was.

“Go on, Merlin” said Hunith smiling excited.

“I have something to say,” he started, “but I need you all – especially Will – to be calm and now be mad at me”

Will’s face turned into a confused and worried as he stared in hesitation. Will couldn’t help but notice how blushed Beatrice was getting as she stared at the little meat in her plate, there was a protective position between Merlin and Beatrice as Merlin slowly rose from his seat and stood behind her. His hand went to her shoulder as if to comfort her. Will’s stomach dropped.

“Wait a minute!” Will said.

“You got to promise me, Will” Merlin said. “I’m being serious here”

Annie held Will’s arm.

“Promise, Will” said Annie.

Arthur watched the scene as he discreetly looked around for something to protect Merlin as he felt like Will would jump across the table to beat him up. Oddly enough, he looked like the only one worried about Merlin since not even Hunith seemed scared; it took him a moment to remember that Will and Merlin were friends and men, which made him think that most likely wasn’t the first fight they had.

Will sighed loudly.

“What did you do?”

“Promise, Will” said Beatrice.

“I promise” he said with a tired voice. “Now go on, Merlin, tell what did you do so I can get away from here and go back home”

Merlin took a deep breath.

“I want to ask your blessing in my marriage,” Merlin said “Beatrice and I are to get married”

There was when chaos started. Hunith started crying in happiness just like she did when Beatrice first told her earlier that day, Annie jumped off her seat with wide eyes and a wide smile as she ran towards them to engulf them both into a hug. Morgana started giggling in surprise and happiness for her good friend. Arthur couldn’t help but just stare at Gwen as she faked a smile – he knew Gwen had a very obvious interest in Merlin, but she was trying to be a good friend and be happy for her friend. Arthur was probably as surprise as everyone in the room, perhaps even more because he never thought he’d see Merlin get married before him, and yet there was Merlin with a beautiful girl beside him and they all were in front of his and her family… Merlin had considered him, Morgana and Gwen enough of a family to include them in such an especial moment of his life; if Arthur wasn’t a prince, he’d cry a little.

The happiness Arthur was watching was something to simple that he felt like he’d never understand it completely. Merlin had _nothing_ but his brains (something Arthur sometimes doubted worked completely) and his determination, and yet the simple fact he was getting married to a girl that had nothing either was the reason to the type of happiness that brings tears to everyone’s eyes.

“For all the Gods I’ve prayed for years for it to happen!” Hunith laughed. “Old Tom will be horrified to know he owns Annie three rabbits”

“Have you been betting on us?” Merlin asked horrified.

“I bet you’d ask her hand before she was eighteen, he had you’d be too coward to do such a thing” Annie answered.

Arthur laughed loudly at this. Of course people would call Merlin a coward.

Slowly, silence came back on the table as the mothers waited for one person to react and Morgana, Gwen and Arthur stayed in silence. Will was staring at his friend and his sister in silence, he was still trying to digest the news he had just received.

“Did you refuse all six proposals from knights, nobles and from the Young Tommy because of Merlin?” Will asked.

“Partially” Beatrice answered. “Why would I marry someone I don’t love?”

“The night he left…” Will started, Beatrice was as stiff as a board now, Arthur looked around again – his sword was two arms away, he could reach it in time if Will jumped over the table, “you two kissed. You told him you loved him and he didn’t say it back, yet you kept loving him alone” he took a deep breath as he watched her reaction. “Wait… You two didn’t just kiss… did you?”

Annie and Huntih exchanged surprised and worried glances.

“Will—“ started Merlin.

“You lied to me, mate!” Will exclaimed getting up from his seat, Arthur was quick to get up too. “You went to my house, stood in front of me and lied! You said you liked my sister, not that you slept with her in the middle of the woods like she was some type of whore” he looked at Arthur and scoffed before looking back at Merlin. “I don’t know why I’m surprised, you’ve been training you’re a lies a lot; for all I know, you’re probably lying now”

Beatrice glared at her brother.

“Shut up, you whiney little boy!” she said.

“Oh, Beatrice, are you sure he loves you? Because—“

Arthur did not expect what happened next.

Beatrice jumped across the table, a loud slap echoes through the room. Hunith’s mouth is wide open in shock and Annie sighed tiredly – it was clear that fighting between the siblings wasn’t something rare, but Beatrice wasn’t the type of go straight to a slap, she’s usually throw things at him before going to a physical fight.

“If you open your mouth to say one more unnecessary thing about me or Merlin, it’ll be the last time you will be able to speak. I’ve told Hunith I’d cut your tongue off if she wanted me to, I’m still able to do such a thing” she threated.

Arthur knew women could be scary, for God’s sake, he lived with Morgana; but seeing that controlled voice and not a single hysterical scream like Morgana usually did was way scarier. Gwen seemed to think so too because she made Morgana get up and go to the other side of the table, Annie was clearly over that fight.

“Enough, kids” she said. “Will, apologize to your sister. Beatrice, apologize to your brother” none of them said anything. “I said to apologize, both of you. Now.”

“Well, I’m sorry you let yourself be humped in the woods and left on the next day like a whore” Will spit towards her.

“Well, I’m sorry you’re positively aggravating all the time” Beatrice answered with a calm smile on her face.

“You two are all grown up, but I _will_ make you kneel over corn if it’s necessary” Annie warned. “What a shameful night. In front of the prince!”

“I don’t care about what the prince thinks of me, but I care what my brother does and he called me a whore” Beatrice said before turning to her brother. “You act like I don’t what you and your fiancée are doing in the crops. Nobody is stupid and she isn’t exactly discreet, she told me and all the other girls in the village. You’re pathetic and hypocrite, Will”

Annie got up.

“No dinner for either of you. Go home, now” she said. Beatrice walked out of the house without saying goodbye and Will soon followed. Annie turned to other people in the room. “I’m sorry about all this. Will is protective of Beatrice, I guess he doesn’t take it very well to know she’s growing up”

Merlin scoffed.

“It’s not that he doesn’t like that she’s growing up, he doesn’t like that _I’m_ the one that she’s going to marry. He hates me now” he said. “I didn’t want to tell him about that night without asking for her permission to, she wasn’t here and I didn’t want to embarrass her – but I didn’t lie, I told him I told her I liked her and I did”

Annie smiled to him.

“Don’t worry. He’ll get over it sooner or later, you’re his best friend and he knows you and he knows that nobody will be best for Beatrice than you”

“Do you believe that?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at her ever since she was fourteen. You two were one ever since the day she was born. You were there, remember? Two years old you trying to get me water” she smiled. “Will was scared and you held his hand. Remember that?”

“No” he said honestly.

She laughed.

“Don’t worry, he’ll be back” Annie left soon after.

Hunith got up from the table and left for the kitchen.

Arthur turned to Merlin and blinked still very surprised and confused.

“Congratulations?” he said, but it sounded weirdly like a question.

“Yeah, thanks” said Merlin still looking a bit sad.

“Merlin, I’m so happy for you!” Morgana said smiling. “Congratulations, really. I’m sure Beatrice couldn’t find a better man”

Merlin half-smiled.

“I’m sure is the contrary, I wouldn’t ever find a better woman to love. She’s everything I have ever wanted ever since I was fourteen years old” he said looking at the door she had left through. “Actually, this all worked way better than I expected”

“Could it have been worse?” Gwen asked.

“Way worse” he said. “We should sleep. Tomorrow will be hard” his friends looked at him with some concern in their eyes. “I’ll deal with everything tomorrow, you don’t need to worry about anything, Arthur, it’s not really something I should have done in front of you, I just didn’t want to make something so important behind your back. I read the rules and it said you should know if I was to get married any time soon”

Hunith came back.

“Have you thought about a date?” she asked.

Merlin shook his head.

“We didn’t exactly had time to talk about it. But I guess in summer or spring, after Beltane” he said. “I don’t know, maybe longer”

Arthur looked at him.

“Is this a Pagan thing?” he asked. “Long engagements?”

He was trying not to sound upset for knowing that Merlin only included him because of the rules of the court and not because they were close. Not that Arthur would say out loud that he cared at all, of course.

“Not really” Merlin said. “I’m sure Beatrice will want to make things ready before actually marrying me,” he laughed, “maybe she’ll change her mind”

Hunith laughed.

“As it was possible. It was you, Merlin, it has always been you. I shouldn’t have been so surprised” she said.

“I know,” he agreed, “I mean, you did bet on us”

Morgana, Gwen and Hunith laughed together, Arthur rolled his eyes.

“Usually Christian rush the marriage to as fast as they can because all the things a marriage might imply” said Hunith in a composed voice as if she wasn’t talking about sex in front of the Prince of Camelot. “Pagans don’t really do that; for _every act of love and pleasure belongs to the Goddess_ ” she said.

Merlin felt himself blushing. It was one thing to know his mother was aware he wasn’t a child anymore, but to let his future king know such irrelevant information about his life was something that always sounded improper, especially with Morgana staring at him with surprise as if she couldn’t really believe a woman could want him and Gwen – oh, sweet, innocent Gwen – she was blushing deeply. It was that moment that Merlin understood that Morgana, Arthur and Gwen were virgins, pure beings.

“Mother, please, stop” he said. “You’re embarrassing them”

Hunith looked at Merlin’s friends and laughed.

“Time for bed, alright? It’s pretty late”

**29 th November – AUTUMN**

“We’re not going to be able to defend Ealdor with sword and sinew alone” Arthur said in front of all those men gathered in one of the sheds that turned into a weaponry. “We’re going to need a plan. We need to find some way of limiting their mobility and drawing them into a trap. If we fight them on their terms, then—“

Merlin jumped when a woman screamed.

His first thought went to Beatrice, but it wasn’t her scream nor any scream he was acquainted with, yet his heart dropped when he heard it and saw what was going on in the moment they all stepped out of the shed and saw what made her scream.

A dead body hanging on a horse, an arrow on his back. Two men were quick to get the body out of the horse’s back and put him in the ground. The teasing and annoyed tone in the note was clear, ‘ _make the most of this day, it will be your last’._ Arthur was now scared, Matthew was right in front of him – dead.

“Matthew!” screamed his wife, “No!”

Her sobs were loud as she cradled the man that protected her his whole life, the man that was the father of her children and the man that loved her more than anything.

Merlin looked away unable to withstand that scene, he notice his mother was right beside him. Hunith put a hand on his arm as if to make sure he was really there – it was Matthew that died, but what if it was her Merlin? She wouldn’t be able to live her life without her son.

“You did this!” screamed Will passing through the crowd and almost dragging Beatrice with him. “Look what you’ve done. You’ve killed him”

“It wasn’t his fault” said Merlin right away.

“If he hadn’t been strutting around, treating this people like his own personal army, it’d never have happened!” Will said.

“These men are brave enough to fight for what they believe in even if you aren’t!” Arthur said back.

“You’re sending them to their graves!” Will screamed. “You’ve killed one man. How many more need to die before you realize this is a battle that cannot be won?” Will held Beatrice’s wrist. “When Kanen comes, you haven’t got a chance. You’re going to be slaughtered”

Will let go of Beatrice before quickly leaving the place. Beatrice and Merlin exchanged a quick glance before Merlin ran after him and Beatrice went to Matthew’s wife to try and comfort her somehow. Arthur didn’t move as he watched Beatrice sitting in the ground and hug the woman trembling and crying and Hunith came with some men to take the body away and prepare it for the funeral.

In Will’s house, he was alone for a moment as he started to prepare his own bag to leave to not return. He couldn’t make his mother leave with him and couldn’t make his sister obey him, but he could save himself and that was what he was going to do. Merlin busted through the open doors and looked at him not really surprised he had been preparing a bag – Will always hated confrontations.

“Don’t bother, Merlin, I’m not interested to hear anything coming from you” he said.

“You should be, because tomorrow Kanen attacks. What are you going to do? Leave your sister and your mother behind? Whether you like it or not, we’ll have to fight”

“I can’t force them to come with me, all the stubbornness are in their blood, not mine” he said. “I don’t have to fight if I’m not here” he stuffed more clothes into his bag. “Didn’t you say you trust Arthur with my sister’s and mother’s life? Why are you acting like you suddenly need me?”

“That’s up to you if you want to leave, but the rest of us are staying” Merlin said, but Will didn’t even look at him. “Join us, Will! This isn’t about Arthur, this is about your friends and family. Are you really going to abandon them?”

“Who are you to talk about abandonment?” Will asked. “You were the one that left; you left your mother, you left me, you left my sister”

“Well, I’m here now” Merlin shot back.

“Yeah, you are. And you could end all this” Will walked away to get his bigger bag. “If you used your magic, then no one else would have to die”

Merlin looked away for a moment, guilt rushing through his body. His friends or his family? He felt like he was being forced to choose and he wasn’t able to do so.

“You know I can’t” he said to Will.

“Can’t or won’t?” Will mocked. “I’m not the one abandoning these people, Merlin… you are”

It took Merlin almost ten minutes to deal with his own emotions enough to make him feel ready to get out of Will’s house. He quickly went after something to do, something to make his mind full enough to drown the guilt he was feeling. Arthur was sitting outside Merlin’s cottage, he was quietly sharpening his sword by hand. Merlin clearly wasn’t the only one trying to keep his hands full and his mind empty because there was a machine just a few feet away where the prince was sitting.

Merlin sat beside him.

“William’s father was killed, some people say it was in action and some people say it was by King Cenred himself as a traitor,” he started saying, “he doesn’t trust anyone of nobility. Beatrice was calmer about that because she was born three days after her father was killed, she doesn’t remember him – she didn’t lose anything, but Will did”

There was a moment of silence as Arthur’s guilt seemed to grow stronger as if thought how he could have not thought about something like that. Will’s father was a knight.

“Do you think the villagers believed him?” he asked.

Arthur didn’t want to say it out loud, but he was scared. He was scared the villagers would step back and hesitate, he was scared everything he was trying to do to help was in vain.

“No” Merlin answered right away. “He’s always been a troublemaker and he was my friend since we were two, they’re used to ignoring him. People only listen to Beatrice because she bring food to the village”

“And what if he’s right?” Arthur asked.

“He isn’t”

“I’m treating these men like soldier, they’re not. You’ve seen them fight. They haven’t got a clue!” there was silence for a moment as they try to understand the reality right in front of them. They were going to lose. “We need to tell them all to leave the village before Kanen returns”

That was the moment Merlin decided to step back and actually choose. And he chose both. If he showed his powers and his friends didn’t accept him, then those people didn’t deserve to be his friends. He was is Ealdor, Arthur could do little to him there – if he didn’t accept him the way he was, all he had to do was not go back to Camelot.

“No, we’re going to stay and we’re going to fight and we’re going to win” there was almost a promise in Merlin’s voice.

“Merlin, it can’t be done!” Arthur exclaimed too tired to lie. “The odds are too great”

“It can. We’re going to make Kanen rue the day he ever came to this village. All you need to do is get the men ready for battle. The rest will take care of itself”

“How?” Arthur asked really wanting to know the answer.

Merlin hesitated.

“You’ve just got to believe in them” he said. _Believe in me_ , he added in his mind. “Because, if you don’t, they’ll sense it and the battle will be lost before it’s even begun”

Annie and Will were not present in the reunion during supper. Will was still too mad and Annie was too tired after preparing Matthew for the funeral and watching the crop, they were in bed already, but Beatrice was there listening to everything attentively.

“Tomorrow morning the women and children should gather what belongings they can carry and go to the woods” Arthur said.

It was an order disguised as a advice. But Beatrice was too hard-headed to understand that as she took a step forward.

“As if!” she scoffed. “I’m not going anywhere”

“ _We_ are not going anywhere” Gwen added stepping beside her.

Beatrice looked at Gwen almost surprised. She had taken Gwen as someone as delicate as Morgana, just not of noble blood, and yet there she was offering herself to fight for somewhere she didn’t know, for people she didn’t know.

Arthur looked at them.

“I know you want to help, but the women can’t stay here. It’s too dangerous” he said.

“Don’t be condescending, I know how dangerous it is, I know that man way too well” Beatrice said, “But you forget this is my home and you are not king here. I know how to fight; I don’t like to, but I know how to” some men mumbled in agreement, they knew Beatrice well enough to know to not mess with her. “I will stay, whether you like it or not”

“The women have as much right to fight for their lives as the men do” Gwen added.

Arthur looked at Merlin in a silent _control your fiancée,_ but Merlin seemed too relaxed as he watched everything. Arthur understood that Merlin had no power over Beatrice’s decisions (he blamed the Paganism for it) and that he was most likely expecting something like that coming from her sooner or later.

“Well, besides Beatrice none of you know how to fight” he said trying to put Beatrice aside because he knew he wasn’t going to win that fight.

“The more of us there are, the better chance we stand” said Gwen bravely.

She was away from the castle. In there, Arthur was not her prince, he was just a man. She was trying to be as brave as she could to stand up against him and defend her cause.

“We can win together” Beatrice said nodding.

Arthur looked around. There were lots of women there besides the ones that were at home with the small children. He didn’t want to admit, but he was quite intimidated about the way all of those women were staring at him as if threatening him to just accept they were going to fight whether he wanted them to or not.

“This is your home. If you want to fight to defend it, that’s your choice. I’d be honoured to stand alongside you” he said looking down in defeat. Gwen smiled. “Kanen attacks tomorrow. Kanen’s brutal. He fights only to kill, which is why he will never defeat us. Look around. In this circle we are all equals. You’re not fighting because someone’s ordering you to, you’re fighting for so much more than that; you fight for your homes, you fight for your family, you fight for your friends, you fight for the right to grow crops in peace… and if you fall, you fall fighting for the noblest of causes – fighting for your very right to survive. When you’re old and grey, you’ll look back on this day and you’ll know you earned the right to live every day in between. So you fight for your family, for your friends… For Ealdor!”

Beatrice smiled as she screamed with everyone else. She hadn’t imagined the prince to be the one to be an eloquent one, he wasn’t the type of person that would usually give out pep-talks and yet there he was: standing between commoners with simply clothing and showing his respect for them as equals, letting women fight and actually enjoying the fact they were brave.

She saw a small and quick glimpse of Will at the door as he left. Her smile left with him.


	6. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies can kill, but not Beatrice's; her lies can and will save lives.

**30 th November – AUTUMN**

It was early morning, but Beatrice was completely ready.

Annie had been sent away with the kids and some of the mothers there still had children under two years old. Will didn’t seem to like the idea of going away, but he didn’t want to fight either – he hadn’t said anything to Beatrice, anything at all, but yet he helped her sharpen the sword she had and the sword that belonged to their father once.

“Dad would have been proud of you” he said as she got dressed for the day that was coming to them too fast for them to ignore, “I don’t remember much, but for all I remember he was completely smitten by you ever since the day he knew you were there”

“You don’t need to fight if you don’t want to. I know you heard Arthur speaking about it, so don’t pretend. You heard him saying that this isn’t something forced. If you want to go after mom, go; no one will judge you”

Will bit his own lip. It took his a moment, but he nodded – it didn’t make clear what he meant by that, but Beatrice smiled and soon left the house.

Contrary to some of the men there, she didn’t have a chainmail or a armour, all she had was a sword she used only once in her life besides the moment Will taught her how to use. Neither of them were amazing at it, but they knew that the pointy part could kill and that enough.

Half an hour later she was sitting outside with some men – including Matthew’s son, young Jamie – hidden by the trees, ready for the fight. Kanen had crossed the river and he would get there at any minute now.

There is a big difference between knowing you’ll be in a battle and actually fighting one. You only fear before the battle, after it starts a strong numbness takes over and nothing nor no one can make it change for quite some time. To see the three dozen men running towards the village she loved so much made her stomach drop, but she stood up still hidden and clutched the sword tighter – it was time. For a moment, Beatrice wondered if her father ever felt like that because all she could think of was her family – had he ever feared for her when she was a little baby even when she was away from the fight, had he ever feared what would happen to Annie if he did die in the battlefield. She wondered what face he saw last when he closed his eyes to finally pass to the Otherworld, because all she could think of was Merlin, Will, Annie, Hunith.

From where she was waiting for the signal she could see Merlin running from his hiding spot.

“Kill him!” someone screamed.

She held her breath. **_WHAT WAS HE DOING?_ **Stupid, _stupid_ Merlin was always getting himself in trouble, she didn’t know why she was even surprised.

But the fire came soon after he hid himself again and the signal was given in the next second.

Beatrice doesn’t think she has ever ran that quick before as she sprinted towards eminent danger aiming to kill her.

A man turned towards her, but she didn’t think anything of him as her sword slashed his whole torso. She needed to find Merlin, she needed to make sure Will was away. She was so preoccupied with those things that she didn’t really understand that she had just killed someone nor did she care about that. She kept running through people fighting one another, she jumped over dead bodies and unconscious people – she managed to smile when she saw three women using brushes to beat up a really big man that was begging for mercy on his knees, Hunith was beating him the hardest. What actually made her stop was Will using a wooden fork from the crops to beat and block one of the men.

“Will!” she screamed.

He glanced at her, but didn’t get distracted from the fight as he kicked the man away from him and towards her, she put her sword up and the sword went through the man’s stomach, she kicked the man’s back and pulled the sword out. She ignored the terrible blood smell.

Will smiled at her and she looked in shock at him.

“I thought you were leaving!” she exclaimed.

She looked him up and down in their father’s armour.

“I thought you were fighting!” he teased. “Piss off now, go!” he said.

She nodded before running off again, this time keeping an eye out for Will and Merlin. But she had to concentrate completely on the fight when one of the Kanen’s men punched her in the stomach as he tried to get her sword out of her hand after he lost his – she kicked him away as she flinched in pain and tried to keep her breakfast in. She coughed and before she realized there was a cut on her cheek from the dagger he managed to get from his boot, annoyed she cut him, he screamed and got on his knees. She hit his head with the flat part of the sword.

Beatrice saw by the corner of her eyes two very familiar men. Merlin and Will, side by side as they usually were. She had to them. The Golden Trio ready to fight together as usual.

“Hi” she said.

“Hi” they said together.

She looked around, people she knew and loved dead on the ground, people that took care of her when she was younger and her mother needed to work struggling to breathe on their knees.

“We’re losing” she said sadly.

Merlin looked at her and looked around too, Will slashed someone’s throat.

So many sounds at the same time. Screaming, shouting, grunting, crying, fighting, metal clashing and meat slashing; everything was so confusing and scary.

Beatrice wondered if those were the sounds her father heard as he died, alone in the battlefield filled with mud and men crying like children for their mother. A battlefield with actual seven years old children sobbing for their mother as they passed too, all of them too scared to close their eyes and relax, their terror expression in their face until the very last second of their lives.

“There’s too many of them” Will said shaking his head.

“No. Not for me, there isn’t” Merlin said.

She looked at him startled. Was he--?

The enchantment words were not familiar at all, Merlin never said anything to do magic. That was when Beatrice realised that Merlin wasn’t in Camelot learning how to control his magic, he was actually learning new magic.

The sounds of the wind muffled the sound of death and for that Beatrice was grateful, but the shock of such strong magic – creating a phenomenon like winds was hard – made her drop her sword. She made her feet stay firm on the ground so she wouldn’t stumble backwards by the strength of the wind. After the enchantment was over, Merlin held her hand and pulled her close to make sure she was alright. Will was holding Merlin’s arm.

“What did you?” she asked in fear. “What if someone sees—“

“They either accept me or I’ll never go back” Merlin answered.

Will look proudly at his friend and his sister, they were growing a lot.

And just as suddenly as it started, the wind was over. Beatrice was panting from the fighting and fear, but now she was standing firmly beside Merlin. Their people were winning now and nothing could ever hurt Ealdor again.

“PENDRAGON!” Kanen screamed.

Beatrice jumped and turned around. Arthur was right behind them preparing to fight Kanen himself. She got her sword too – it wasn’t exactly honourable, two against one, but Kanen wasn’t a knight, Kanen wasn’t honourable, then why would she be? She decided that in the first opportunity she’d jump into the fight and kill that bastard.

Thankfully, Kanen was slow, used a machete and had no shield; his protection was close to zero and his attacks barely could have any damage in someone so quick as Arthur. Arthur made no more than three movements and the machete was thrown out of Kanen’s hand. Kanen kicked him away and pulled a sword from one of his dead men’s body, the fight was no much harder for Arthur because less than a minute after it Kanen was bleeding in the ground.

“Arthur!” Beatrice called out.

He looked up as if just remembering something, his eyes filled with anger as he walked towards them.

“Who did that?” he asked.

“What?” Merlin asked trying to sound as innocent as he could.

Will tried to look for Hunith with his eyes, he needed to make sure she was alright. He mumbled something to Merlin, the boy nodded and Will ran to try to find Aunty Hunith. Beatrice and Merlin stayed behind to deal with the very angry prince.

“Wind like that doesn’t just appear from nowhere,” he said, “I know magic when I see it”

“Are you sure about that?” Beatrice asked before she could stop herself.

Well, he had Merlin – a boy that simply couldn’t live without doing at least a little bit of magic at times – as a manservant and yet was still surprised and confused when something magical happened in Ealdor.

Arthur glared at her.

“One of you made it happen” he accused.

Beatrice felt her breath stopping at her throat. If Merlin was going to tell, it would be now – she held her sword tighter in fear.

“Arthur” Merlin mumbled in fear.

She saw Old Shawna coming from behind the house, she had a sympathetic smile on her face as if there wasn’t dead people everywhere. She was carrying her small bag of herbs to towards the place where the hurt people were already being gathered. Beatrice was surprised she was still alive and –

And…

And Kanen moved. His last attempt, his last move before his actual death. Old Shawna smiled, no attempt of protecting herself or flinching with the pain as the arrow stabbed her from behind.

Beatrice screamed in utter horror as the woman she considered a grandmother fell to her knees, life quickly vanishing, slipping away through their fingers as if sand in the wind. For a moment she forgot about Arthur and about Merlin as she ran towards the grandmother with tears already pooling her eyes – everyone knew she would die that day.

“Shawna!” Merlin screamed going after Beatrice to the place the woman was falling. He held her close. “I’m right here”

Arthur ran too, he was surprised that little prophecy had actually come to reality.

“You saved my life” Arthur said.

“Oh, dear child, your life is much more important than mine” Old Shawna said.

Will ran and knelled beside his sister. He had heard her scream and thought she was hurt, but he knew what had happened right in the moment she saw Old Shawna laying calmly against Merlin and Beatrice.

Beatrice looked around. People were standing still.

“What are you waiting for? Help!” she screamed.

People ran to help the Prince of Camelot and his manservant to carry the woman, Will grabbed her legs and Beatrice tried to find some balance holding her torso up. Young Jimmy was quick to help her and Hunith opened her house door to get her inside.

The house was dark and so was turning Old Shawna’s vison, but Beatrice wasn’t ready to give up on her.

“What are you all standing around for?” she screamed at Hunith, Morgana and Gwen. “Go get the potions!” she turned to the woman. “I’ll help you. You’ll be alright”

Old Shawna chuckled, but it was getting hard to breathe. She could taste her own blood now, soon it would be impossible to speak.

“You cannot save me, keep the medicine for those who need it”

“No. No! You’ll be alright!”

Arthur and Young Jimmy stepped away from the table giving the girl some space.

“Remember what I told you” she chocked and coughed, blood fell from the sides of her mouth. She couldn’t go yet, she had one more thing to say. “You cannot save me, but you can save _him”_

Her old, wise, tired eyes glanced towards Merlin and then towards Arthur. It wasn’t hard for Beatrice to know what she wanted. Merlin understood in the moment Beatrice nodded, _her lies can save lives_. Beatrice was going to lie for him and he didn’t want that happening.

“Beatrice, don’t” he used his warning tone.

Will looked confused as everyone in the room, but he knew his sister too well and as she scanned the room he was sure she was about to do something really, _really_ dumb.

“It was me” she said. “I’m the one with magic”

“Beatrice!” Will exclaimed shocked.

He looked at Arthur as he stumbled backwards, if he was going to attack his sister he’d have to kill him first. But Merlin seemed to have the same idea because we walked around the table and stood beside the girl. Hunith’s eyes were almost popping off the socket as she watched the scene happening.

“It’s alright, Merlin, he’s not my prince and magic is not outlawed in Ealdor. I’ve done no wrong” she said firmly staring at the blond man.

Old Shawna chuckled and chocked again.

“I’ve told you she’s brave” she struggled.

Merlin looked at her and held her hand.

“I’m right here, I’m right here”

“And that’s why I go in peace” she said to him. “Within kin. Within family I pass” she looked at the new couple. “Remember my talks and your promises” she coughed again, this time the attack lasted longer as she struggled to breathe and struggled with the pain.

“Let me give you something for pain” Beatrice begged.

“No. I don’t need it. Let the Gods take care of me”

And with another flinch of pain she finally closed her eyes.

Beatrice sobbed freely now, using her pain as fuel to her anger and bravery. If Old Shawna had told her Arthur was a good man in their private conversation and that he was important to Merlin, then she wouldn’t let that friendship between them end.

“I- I saw how desperate everyone was and—“

“Stop it right now!” Will said.

“I had to do something!” she screamed back at him before looking at Arthur again. “I used it to save my family and friends, to save _you”_ she added. “Will you kill me now? Will you arrest me? Will you forbid Merlin to marry me or me going to Camelot?”

“You’re a witch?” Arthur asked.

“Call it whatever you want” she said. “What are you going to do to me?”

“Nothing” Arthur said.

“Whatever you decide to do to me, just let me get her prepare” her eyes filled with tears again as she looked down at the woman and her lip trembled. “Let me say goodbye”

Arthur wanted to have a conversation, wanted to let her explain herself, but he couldn’t bear to let someone Merlin loved go without a proper goodbye, especially not when the girl was asking for something to simple with such a terrified voice and sad eyes. He nodded to himself before turning around and going out of the room, Morgana and Gwen left with him. Outside, they stood in silence in shock, from there they heard a loud scream of pain and they knew Beatrice had just fallen apart.

It took half an hour for Will to get out of the cottage. He didn’t look at Arthur or to the girls as he ran towards another cottage. Arthur looked into the half-open doors. Beatrice sitting in the ground, her knees against her chest as Merlin hugged her by the side; she was no longer crying, but her pale face, red eyes and blank expression seemed to be just as sad to Arthur. He had to look away after a few seconds as his heart broke all over again.

“What do you think I should do?” Arthur asked.

Morgana looked at him. Gwen was sitting in the ground, she didn’t look up at him, but she seemed almost as sad as Beatrice herself.

“It’s Merlin’s fiancée. If you punish her, you lose him too” Gwen said in a mumbling voice.

“Merlin trusts her. I don’t see why we should trust her too” Morgana said.

“She’s a witch!” he exclaimed in a low voice.

“She saved your life” Gwen said getting up from the ground. “I’m sorry to say this in such a manner, sire, but Merlin is our friend and if you dare to hurt that girl I won’t be happy at all. They love each other and, although you say you don’t care about Merlin, you do care about him because you two are friends and friends want other friends to be happy” she was staring deep into his eyes, her words and voice polite, but threatening meaning clear. “She saved her home with the fighting she knows to use; you’d do the same to protect Camelot if given the chance”

Arthur and Morgana looked at Gwen in silent shock. Morgana was the first one to recompose herself.

“She’s right”

“Do you think that woman was a sorceress too?” Arthur asked glancing towards the doors.

Will passed through them with a white cloth and several oils. He again was silent and quick.

“Yes” Morgana said. “If not a sorceress, a Seer at the very least, but I hear Gaius saying that Seers are usually witches too, it’s rare a Seer without any other powers. And yet she was happily protecting you, Arthur”

“But my father—“

“Doesn’t need to know” Morgana cut him off. “That girl over there did something completely legal in here to protect her people, she’s young and she’ll marry your best – no, your _only_ real friend. Don’t mess this up”

“Father said it was wrong”

“Maybe your father is wrong” said Morgana. “Maybe magic is like a sword; it kills, but because the person holding it wants it to kill. Face it, Arthur, if she wanted you dead and gone, she’d have done it already”

Arthur felt sorry for the whole village as he watched Old Shawna’s well-dresses body burn slowly. As they lied her in the pyre, Beatrice massaged her feet.

“To prepare her for the journey she has ahead,” Hunith had explained as she stood between Arthur and Morgana, “just another Pagan thing”

Arthur nodded in silence as Morgana seemed even more interested in the ritual. Beatrice stepped back into her brother’s protective embrace, she was still crying in silence and tears never seem to stop.

Hunith was the one to light the fire. She didn’t go back to stand close to Arthur, she went to Annie who was sobbing in Will’s arms too. It didn’t take long to Hunith, Annie, Will, Beatrice and Merlin be in a group hug with Beatrice in the middle as she still cried in silence. The poor young girl had been strong for a long time now, she single-handed prepared Old Shawna for the funeral and kicked everyone else out of the house, Hunith was allowed to stay, but not touch the body – Beatrice had also refused to let Arthur carry Old Shawna’s body to the pyre, who did this was Young Jimmy, Merlin and Will. The village was a mess with other pyres burning. Arthur tried to remind himself that those people were mourning and that just the day before another pyre had to be lit up for Matthew.

Kanen and his men’s bodies were thrown in the woods, left for the animals to feed. Arthur thought it was cruel, but didn’t dare to say a single thing as he watched Beatrice help the men drag Kanen out with a cold expression.

But in the end of the afternoon, sun was setting and he knew that Merlin would be expecting an answer coming from him about what he should do with Beatrice. Arthur had thought hard about the situation and how to access it and – although it took longer than he expected – he had finally arrived in a decision: he’d keep Beatrice close. Part of him said that he was doing it only to make Merlin happy, but another part of him didn’t want to admit and was saying he just wanted to keep her around; Arthur didn’t know exactly why by that moment, but he wanted Merlin happy _and_ Beatrice happy.

Hunith cleaned Beatrice’s tears and mumbled something. Beatrice tried to walk, but only stumbled, Will and Annie were quick to hold her up as her knees gave out. Merlin took Annie’s place quickly and Will and him lead the girl inside Annie’s cottage.

Hunith went back to standing close to Arthur, Annie was by her side now.

“I’m sorry” said Arthur, “I’m sure she was a great woman”

Hunith looked at him and with a small smile she nodded.

“She still is” she agreed.

Annie did not look at Arthur, but he looked at her.

“I made my decision about Beatrice” he said, the people around looked at him, it was clear she was very loved by them. “She’ll be allowed to come to Camelot with us, the marriage will not suffer and she’s free to do good magic, and good magic only” Annie was staring at him as if trying to understand it he was somehow making a joke. “Beatrice shall be Morgana’s Lady-in-Waiting”

Morgana looked at him with some surprise. She was already in age of marriage and Uther was indeed already looking for someone to fill the position of Lady-in-Waiting, but to fill that position without Uther’s knowledge and approval was one of the dumbest (or bravest) things he had ever made. Arthur, of course, cared about his father’s views on the girl, but he owned that to Beatrice for it was clear she was the closest to Old Shawna and the one suffering the most with the loss and her only request when she thought she was to die was to have enough time to prepare her grandmother’s body to the funeral.

Will got out of the cottage and ran to Hunith.

“Aunty, Beatrice fainted after complaining of pain in her head”

Hunith didn’t say anything as she ran to her own house to get the herbs and Annie ran straight home.

Morgana looked at Arthur.

“It was kind of you to do something like that to a sorceress, my Lord” said Gwen.

Morgana smirked.

“He didn’t do it for her nor for Old Shawna, he did for Merlin” she teased, “You did good, Arthur. She will be the great as a Lady-in-Waiting after learning about the court etiquette. I’m sure Gwen can handle it”

“Let’s not worry about this for now” he said.

He had still to think of a way of telling his father the big decision he had taken while away without his permission. Uther’s feelings for Morgana were so protective that he was taking long, long weeks to decide who would be a good and safe fit for a Lady-in-Waiting/Maid-in-Waiting as he went through all the noblewomen (married and unmarried) around Morgana’s age. He went from knights’ daughters to dukes’ wives, of course he hadn’t found anyone yet and Arthur thought that – if left to his decision – he’d take a lot longer.

He hoped Beatrice was indeed a good fit. Ladies-in-Waiting were married women as Maids-in-Waiting were unmarried, their functions were many – from helping their Lady to get dressed to helping her go to sleep and, if the Lady was in age of marriage, they would be chaperones. Since Morgana already had a maidservant (Gwen) all the functions would be shared between one another including the cleaning, the only difference between them was that Ladies-in-Waiting were expected to entertain the Lady with singing and dancing if asked and in banquets and festivals they were to dance with noblemen and knights as if they were noblewomen too, even if they weren’t. Arthur had seen Beatrice singing and he heard people commenting about her dancing, she was young and was to be married with someone he trusted very much; besides her powers there was nothing wrong with her, she even seemed to be someone Morgana would usually like. Besides, she would be the one to give advices to Morgana in the night before her wedding; it was a good thing she was to be married to Merlin soon.

“Do you think Hunith will shelter us for one more night?” Gwen asked. “I don’t think Merlin would like to travel with Beatrice in a weak state”

“We need to ask her. Let’s wait for her to finish taking care of Beatrice and we’ll talk to her brother too, ask for permission and—Oh, yeah, we don’t ask permission for the man in the family here, forget about that” he said blushing.

“I quite like it” Morgana said.

They all started walking together towards the small cottage.

“What?” he asked.

“Being an independent being, not belonging to man just because I’m a woman” she answered, Gwen looked down trying to hold her tongue and not agree out loud. “If something were to happen to me, you’d be the one responsible for me, everything I do you can control when we’re back at home. Not here, for here a woman is not less than a man”

“You’re not less than me in any situation, Morgana” he said. “You’re better than me in a lot of things, including politics, which is something I was raised to take care of. My father is the one with gender roles so strict, not me. We are equals and I’ll make sure everyone knows it when I’m king”

“So… you’re not force me into marriage?” she asked.

“I can’t do much about it for now” he confessed. “If you’re still unmarried when I’m king, then you’ll be free to marry whenever and whoever you want. For now, all I can do is try to convince my father otherwise, but we both know he doesn’t need much convincing since you’re the most precious thing he has – one word from you and you can change the world in the blink of an eye” he laughed bitterly.

Morgana bit her own lip. She knew it was true that, although she wasn’t exactly Uther’s daughter (publicly) she was still somehow his favourite child ever since she was taken into his care, she’d win from Arthur in any other day. Whenever Arthur would misbehave he’d be punished severely while the only thing she’d get was a scolding and a small ‘don’t do this again, please, it’s for your own good’, Uther would even sometimes pretend it wasn’t something so wrong when she was the one to do it. Arthur hated that his father would constantly say that he’d do this things to make sure he was a good king and a good man while he was more lenient with Morgana because she was a woman and women don’t do bad things because they are bad, they do it because a man told them to or a wicked soul would whisper in their ear – but Arthur knew Morgana could be really bad by herself when she wanted to.

“I guess you’re right”

“But I guess you’re right too. When married, Merlin will not own Beatrice and I guess that’s something you’d like” Arthur said. “I might change a thing or two when I’m king about women’s rights”

Gwen smiled discreetly. Arthur could be mean and childish, but he was learning so much just by a simple stay in a small village – it was easy to forget Arthur was still twenty-one going to twenty-two, he was still a young man learning to be an adult. Gwen was proud of the man he was becoming right under her watch.


	7. Beatrice and Arthur, One Thing in Common

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Arthur have an awkward moment when they don't know each other very well. It doesn't take long for them to notice they have a lot more in common than they think; one of those things: Merlin.

**1 st December – AUTUMN**

Morgana was simply shocked when she saw Beatrice in a dress. She thought that young girl couldn’t be more beautiful, but there she was in a dress of a very deep blue colour and tight around the breasts and in the arms before leaving the body with a flowing skirt. Her hair was down, going down to her waist like dark serpents. Gwen was quick to help her with her – very – small bag to be tied in the horse Annie and Hunith had come on, Beatrice smiled to her before going to say her last goodbyes to her family.

Arthur helped Morgana up the horse as Merlin helped Gwen. Arthur got on his own horse and waited.

Will let go of Beatrice and Hunith hugged Merlin before Merlin went to hug Will – they had forgiven each other after a long talk while Beatrice slept – as Beatrice was engulfed by her mother’s arms and sobs.

“Mum, calm down, I’ll write you many times” she promised.

“Oh, my baby is leaving me” she cried.

Annie was happy Beatrice was going to try to be happy with someone she loved for so long, but she was sad she was growing up so fast and moving away to where she wouldn’t be able to reach and help.

“Mum,” she moaned into the hug as she was being crushed.

“It’s alright. I’m alright,” she said letting go of the girl. “I have something for you” she reached for the back of her dress and took something from her belt, the belt loosely in her waist now, “It was your father’s. He’d write on it every day, it was sent back with his armour after he passed. I never opened it, I was never brave enough to see his last thoughts before going to the battlefield, but you have always been braver than me, haven’t you?” Annie smiled sadly. “This is yours now, I’m sure you need his advice to be brave as you go on your own journey, he’d be proud of you” she kissed her daughter’s cheek before looking at Merlin. “I’m trusting her to you, take care of her like you always did”

“I’ll make sure she’ll be back in one piece” Merlin joked.

“And you better come back on a single piece too, young man. And if don’t dare marry without us there” Hunith scolded playfully. “Now you must be going, we don’t want to get you any more late to go back to Camelot, it’s long ride”

“Alright” Beatrice said. “Bye!”

“Do you all have enough food?” Annie asked trying to get one more moment.

“We do, Annie, thank you” said Gwen, smiling at the mother that was dreading her daughter's goodbye.

“Good, good” Annie said hugging Will. “Bye, everyone! Happy birthday, Beatrice!”

Merlin helped Beatrice up the horse and soon after went up his. With quick waves they left Ealdor.

The start of the journey was a bit uncomfortable for some.

Beatrice was quite happy, quietly appreciating the ride for the little times she was able to ride a horse was in the company of interested gentleman she had no interest in, but was too polite to send them all away; without company of her brother she had never left Ealdor for more than a few hours and there she was riding further and further away to come back only in a few months. Merlin was quite happy too, he was in bliss that Beatrice had actually agreed to marry him and beating himself up inside for not asking before and for all his fear now that he knew he had nothing to fear; but his mind was really busy trying to find a way to tell Gaius that the woman beside him was his fiancée and they were to marry soon although Gaius hear nothing but storied from her where she was never mentioned as a fiancée. Morgana was a bit uncomfortable as she knew that the girl riding beside Merlin was to be her Lady-in-Waiting and they were going to spend loads of time together now, but she knew almost nothing about her besides her name and that she was a sorceress, besides that she was happy Merlin had found someone he truly loved. Gwen was trying to ignore her heartbreak and be happy for her truest friend was finally openly in love, she was also trying to figure out how she was going to work from that moment on now that Beatrice was involved on it too. Arthur – more than anyone else – was simply uncomfortable, he wanted to speak and joke around with Merlin as they usually did, but he had nothing to say even after he searched his mind for something petty and rude, but nothing came out; he truly feared losing his best—no, his only friend to someone he didn’t know.

Beatrice looked at Merlin, they smiled to one another.

“Oh, no” she complained in a whisper, everyone heard and looked at her, but she didn’t look troubled, she was smiling. “I have your mother’s favourite song in my head and I hate this song”

“Oh, I hate it too” said Merlin.

Morgana took as an opportunity to initiate a conversation.

“What does it talk about?” she asked.

“It’s a ballad called Barbara Allen, it’s just…” she stopped for a moment as she looked for a good word. “It’s just sad, really. I guess that’s why I don’t like it”

“It’s wholesome though” Merlin discreetly disagreed. “I don’t like it, but it’s romantic”

“It doesn’t make it any less sad” she said.

“Is it in English?” Morgana asked. “The song you sang before wasn’t”

“Oh, yeah, it’s in English. It’s quite a recent song, I heard it from a knight that was travelling with his bard, they spent the night over in the village when I was fourteen and as payment they helped for a day in the crops and the bard played some songs that night. One ballad and then we danced a bit” she giggled, she looked around and tried to make the conversation a bit more inclusive by teasing Merlin because she knew Arthur was waiting for a moment to talk too. “Merlin almost fell into the fire that day” she told.

Arthur laughed as he turned around to look at the girl.

“Does he have two left feet when dancing?” he asked trying to find an opportunity to tease his friend.

“Not really, he’s a really good dancer, but one of the boys pushed him into it” she told. “I think it was Young Jimmy”

“It wasn’t” Merlin said. “It was Matthew’s son”

“Oh, that’s right!” she said nodding to herself.

Arthur looked between them.

“Won’t you tell why you almost got yourself killed when you were sixteen, Merlin? Because I’m dying to know and send Matthew’s son a letter asking why he didn’t manage to do such a favour to humanity” Arthur teased.

“Don’t be a prat, Arthur, it wasn’t anything serious” Merlin said.

“You kissed his sweetheart, it was serious. Will had to jump into the fight _you_ started to get you out because you were losing” Beatrice said laughing. “You’re good in a lot of things, Merlin, but fighting isn’t one of them”

“You kissed his sweetheart?!” Morgana exclaimed. “That’s such a terrible thing to do, Merlin!”

“I didn’t know they were together. I wasn’t exactly known for keeping up with all the gossip in the village, I was usually running around with Will and Bea, I didn’t have the time to stop and know who was sleeping with whom. Besides, she was the one to kiss me” Merlin excused himself quickly. “You were there, Beatrice, I don’t know—“

“You seemed to like it very much” she said. “You didn’t complain”

“Well, it was Beltane, I was drunk and I had no idea what I was doing” he said.

Gwen laughed on her own.

“I don’t I’ve ever saw you drunk, Merlin” Gwen said. “And you drank quite a lot in the commemorations back in the castle”

“I can hold my liquor” he dismissed. “But not nearly as well as Beatrice can. Never have I seen a girl that size drink so much and wake up without a hangover in the next day, I thought it was impossible, but then I saw her drinking a lot in her fifteen years name day”

Arthur blinked confused.

“Fifteen? Is there something especial about it?”

“Sort of, I was recognized as a grown woman that day” she said dismissing.

Merlin understood that she didn’t want to talk about the bloody state she found herself at that morning. It took him a while to remember that it wasn’t common for women to discuss about it within the Christian community, so he kept quiet.

“Well, why don’t you sing the song you were talking about, Beatrice? I’m sure it’s a lovely song” Arthur said kindly.

Beatrice looked around as she took a deep breath to start singing the song she wasn’t exactly found of.

“ _’ **Twas in the merry month of May, when green buds all were swelling, sweet William on his death bed lay for love of Barbara Allen. He sent his servant to the town, to the place where she was dwelling, saying ‘you must come to my master dear if name be Barbara Allen’. So slowly, slowly she got up and slowly she drew nigh him and the only words to him did say, ‘young man, I think you’re dying’**.” _She took another deep breath. “ _ **He turned his face unto the wall and death was in him welling, ‘goodbye, goodbye to my friends all, be good to Barbara Allen.”** _She fixed her posture in the horse. _“ **When he was dead and laid in grave, she heard the death bells knelling and every stroke to her did say ‘hard hearted Barbara Allen’. ‘Oh Mother, oh Mother, go dig my grave, make it both long and narrow. Sweet William died of love for me and I will die of sorrow. And Father, oh Father, go dig my grave, make it both long and narrow. Sweet William died on yesterday and I will die tomorrow’**.” _The sweet song was slowly turning more and more tragic and the new companions seemed surprised by that, while Merlin would mumbled the words he would constantly hear being sang around the house by his mother. “ ** _Barbara Allen was buried in the old churchyard, Sweet William was buried beside her; out of Sweet William’s heart, there grew a rose, out of Barbara Allen’s a briar. They grew and grew in the old churchyard, till they could grow no higher, at the end they former a true lover’s knot and the rose grew around the briar”_**

It was a simple song, not many keys to change and quite a monotone voice was needed to sing it, but Beatrice had pulled that really well.

“She’s right, Merlin, it _is_ sad” Arthur said.

Merlin laughed and that brought the entire group to laugh with him.

The sun was starting to slowly disappear. Morgana and Gwen were quick to prepare themselves to go to sleep, they were already asleep but they had already ate and were preparing the place they were going to sleep on, Merlin had already fixed his own bed and was away gathering more wood for the fire.

Arthur and Beatrice were sitting beside the fire in silence. Arthur was watching the fire occasionally glancing at Beatrice who was silently reading the journal that was given to her, Arthur was aware that if Beatrice noticed him watching she could take it somehow wrongly – he wasn’t interested on her as a woman, he was interested in her as Merlin’s woman. Unfortunately to him, Beatrice wasn’t nearly as dumb as he took her for being; she was reading the journal with attention, but it didn’t mean she was aware of how attentively he was watching her.

“You know… I’m not going to hurt him, if that’s what you’re worried about, nor I plan on harming anyone unless necessary” she said calmly as she turned the page.

Arthur looked away from the fire to look at her again. Beatrice didn’t look away from the journal in her hands, but now she had a small smile on her tight closed lips. When she finally looked up to him and smiled he wished she didn’t because now he could understand Merlin – Beatrice was beautiful, way prettied than most princesses he was used to meeting; her eyes in innocent and smart blue as she watched him back fearless and composedly, her smile was discreet and small and everything in it was like she knew every single secret he had and her dark long hair was like waves of the night sea hitting against the white sand she called skin. And yet he was terrified of her.

“I’m not worried about him” he said.

“If you say so” she mumbled looking back to the journal.

“I’m being serious!” he exclaimed.

“And I said ‘if you say so’, sire” she dismissed. “I don’t mean any harm to anyone at all. Camelot is safe”

Arthur nodded and looked back at the fire.

“You and Merlin…” he started, she closed the book and looked at him. “You two are friends since you were children, right?” she nodded. “You all always lived in Ealdor?”

“Merlin was born in Ealdor. My father and my mother met somewhere else, my father a knight and met my mother in another village; when he was called to fight for the king he made my pregnant mother move to Ealdor because it was the farthest away from the battle, she had my brother in Ealdor. My father came back and stayed there for half a year before he left again… he didn’t come back this time” she explained.

“You never met him, I’m sorry about that” Arthur said. “I never met my mother either, she died during childbirth”

Beatrice looked at him.

“I sometimes feel sad about not having him around, but I feel even worse when I don’t really miss him” she said, “Will, Hunith and my mother would always tell me stories and it’s nice to know he cared and loved me, my mother and my brother, it’s really nice to know he _wanted_ to come back and meet me and all the plans he had for me and Will, but… I don’t miss him; I’ve never had a life where he was present. How could I miss someone I never had?”

“I understand you” said Arthur. “People are always telling me that living without my mother must have been hard, but I never met her and I don’t know any different. I guess it’s like Merlin told me when we were in Ealdor, he didn’t find life in Ealdor difficult because it was all he knew and had. A simple life was all he wanted; food in the table and a roof over his head… that was enough”

Beatrice nodded. It was indeed their simple life that they dreamed about when they were children – a wife or a husband, food, children and a roof in the small Ealdor village where everyone would take care of each other because everyone was family. It was surprising and scary to leave it all behind.

There was a moment of silence before Arthur looked at the journal in her hands, he pointed at it with the stick he had in his hands and was using to scratch the earth and form bad drawings.

“Found anything interesting in there?” he asked.

Beatrice sighed and looked at the journal.

“This was started when my mother told him she was with child,” she hugged it close. “He wrote it for me, he did the same for Will. I’m just old enough to read it now” she bit her lip. “It’s hard to know I can’t really change the ending of it. He keeps writing about all the things he plans to teach me when I’m older… he’ll never teach me anything. I hope I can know how he died”

“You don’t know?”

“It’s complicated. Officially he died on the battlefield by your men work, but there’s way too much gossip and whisper in court. At least that was what all the knights I met said when they find out I’m Daniel Oak’s daughter”

“Oak?” he asked.

“It was his nickname between the knights because he was so stubborn and hard-headed” she chuckled, “It’s silly”

Arthur half-smiled. She could be a sorceress, but she was a still a young-woman, fatherless and scared to leave her family behind, she was still Merlin’s everything. Arthur thought that, with a bit of effort, they could become good friends.

“Stubborn and hard-headed… reminds me of someone I know” he joked.

“Yourself, my Lord?” she joked back.

Arthur looked at her in surprise.

“He talks about me?”

“In all his letters” she said. “He said you remind him a lot about Will in one way or another. Will’s relationship with Merlin was completely different than with me, they would joke around and Will support was way more explicit. Will, with me, was a smartass, teasing and positively aggravating all the time, but he loves me – he’d kill and die for me and I for him… he’s my brother and he cares even if he doesn’t say it out loud all the time” she explained. “Merlin says you are his Will, but without any blood being shared”

“Merlin considers me his brother, then?”

Beatrice laughed as she nodded.

“Don’t tell him I told you” she teased.

A shuffling sound was heard as Merlin came into the small glade they were in with a good amount of firewood for the night.

“What are you two talking about?” he asked with a smile.

He liked to see Beatrice having a conversation with Arthur. He liked the idea of Arthur being scared of Beatrice or not being mad at him for hiding the ‘secret’… if only Arthur really knew the truth he’d never forgive him, but Old Shawna warned her lies could save lives and all he needed to do was wait for it explain itself.

“My dad and the nickname ‘Oak’” said Beatrice said lying easily.

Arthur glanced at her before nodding.

“Stubborn and hard-headed,” Merlin said nodding, “I believe that’s in the bloodline”

“Will is indeed stubborn and hard-headed” she said.

“I’m talking about you” he joked back.

They both knew that was a joke. Beatrice was stubborn, but not as much as Merlin, Arthur or Will – she was way more lenient. Will once said it was because she was a girl, Merlin disagreed and said it was because she was smart; she was stubborn, but knew how to pretend she wasn’t, just so she could get what she really wanted and Merlin was quite fond of her manipulation skills.

Arthur expected a few insults or a glare, but Beatrice just laughed.

“I believe Prince Arthur is much more stubborn than me, I mean, he’s here, right?” she said. “I’m sure your father didn’t agree with you being here, saving a small village in the next kingdom just because the mother of your manservant asked for it, am I right?”

Arthur looked away.

“Yes” he mumbled.

Beatrice laughed again before rubbing her eyes.

“I believe I’ll go to sleep now. Call me if you want me to take over the watch” she yawned. “Oh, I don’t think I can stand anymore. Goodnight, guys”

“Go to sleep, Beatrice, you deserve it” Arthur said.

She had fought. She had lost someone important. She had used a great amount of power – or so Arthur thought. She deserved to sleep for the night.

“Goodnight, love” Merlin said.

Beatrice kissed his cheek before going farther away from the fire and closer to Morgana and Gwen but not exactly lying beside them. It took her less than five minutes to fall asleep. Arthur wondered why Merlin hadn’t go to sleep with her.

“Won’t you go to sleep too?” Arthur asked.

“In a few” Merlin answered. Arthur looked at Beatrice, Morgana and Gwen sleeping.

“In all the times I imagined the end of this adventure, you getting an fiancée really wasn’t one of those ends” Arthur said, Merlin laughed, “I’m happy for you, Merlin”

"I am too, Arthur" Merlin said watching Beatrice finally doze off.


	8. Camelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To Beatrice, Camelot was far different than what she imagined. She should've learned by now that not everything is as it seemed.

**3th December – AUTUMN**

The difference between the uncomfortable and awkward atmosphere that was constant around the group in the start of the journey seemed easy to notice, they were quite friendly now. The group became naturally talkative as they all found out a subject they all could talk and have fun: Merlin.

Although Merlin was getting a bit annoyed about being teased and his childhood stories shared, he kept quiet because he knew it was Beatrice’s way of making everyone entertained. She was quick to observe that Morgana and Gwen tended to like more fun stories about nice summer days where Merlin took little Beatrice to the seashore with Will and Hunith or something like that, while Arthur seemed to enjoy a lot stories where Merlin would get embarrassed much like the day when he tried to woo a beautiful lady that took shelter on the village after her group was attacked and got rejected because the lady was more interested in Beatrice than any men.

Beatrice’s – Merlin’s, actually – magic was never mentioned in those stories.

It was bit after they woke up, got breakfast and continued their journey that they got to an area with spaces between trees. The wood was ending.

“Camelot is just up ahead,” announced Arthur to the group, “Are you excited to see it, Beatrice?”

“More than I thought I’d be” she confessed.

She was excited to see where Merlin lived, she was excited to see Gaius – who she had seen only once when she was three and he came to visit his niece, Hunith – and she was excited to see the place she was going to live in now, because if Gaius didn’t accept her she’d have to find a house where she could live. But Beatrice was terrified at the same time, one word from anyone and she knew Uther would not hesitate to get her head off her shoulders, but at least it was her head, not Merlin’s. If there was something obvious to anyone that would get a second glance at her, it would be that she’d put her life in danger at any moment just to make sure the people she’s getting herself in trouble for is safe. She had never been so close to danger before and she was terrified, but she wouldn’t back down and she wouldn’t let Merlin ever get the blame.

Right after they got out of the woods it was clear to see.

Large walls surrounded a big city, there was smoke coming out of houses and from the big castle at the very top of the hill and there were people coming in and out through the two big doors were four guards were standing, two of each side of the big doors.

The group rode closer.

“My Lord!” exclaimed one of the guards, he ran closer to Arthur’s horse. “Are you alright? His Majesty is so worried about your and Morgana, my Lady” he looked at Morgana. “I’m so glad you two are back. Any injuries that are in need of treating?” he asked, Arthur shook his head. “Then I must fulfil my duty by escorting you to the castle right away, my Lord and my Lady”

“Oh, Sir Leon, c’mon, please!” said Arthur looking quite defeated. “I can ride by myself”

“Forgive me, my Lord, orders from the king” he said getting the horse’s reins and pulling it.

Sir Leon was guiding the horse through the crowd, the group followed right. Nobody was saying anything, but it was clear that Sir Leon was curious about who was Beatrice, but he didn’t have the right to ask – if she was with the prince, she was his guest and he was responsible for her safety and well-being, he didn’t have any right to question that.

The more they walked, the more Beatrice would get nervous. The castle was growing more and more right before her eyes and she didn’t know how to react to that, so she would just stare at that place. The place where in her worst nightmares she watched Merlin get beheaded, burned and tortured – she hated seeing it and knowing it was actually real this time, fortunately nobody there seemed to in danger.

“We’ll go talk to my father, you are dismissed. Get rest, you all had long and tiring days” said Arthur when they got to the square before the doors of the palace. “Merlin, just make sure the horses are given to the stable boy before going back to Gaius, I’m sure he’s worried about you and you surely will have a lot to talk to him about” he looked at Beatrice and smirked before dismounting.

Merlin jumped off the horse right away and mumbled something that made Arthur chuckle, Sir Leon was watching the scene quite curiously as he noticed Merlin was quick to help the unknown girl off the horse before helping Gwen, Arthur dismissed the questioning look as he helped Morgana off. Beatrice helped Merlin by holding the reins of Arthur’s and Morgana’s horses and leading them to the stables. Merlin was right in front of her, leading in silence. He looked over his shoulders sometimes as if to make sure she was still there. Beatrice wasn’t exactly known for her long attention-span to her surroundings, especially when she was distracted about new places; a great listener, but it was scary to let her loose around a lot of people.

The stable wasn’t very far from the castle, so it was pretty easy to follow Merlin right into the place.

“Red!” he called out.

A young skinny boy, no more than twelve or thirteen, peeked from the other side of the horse he was brushing. He smiled bigly when he saw Merlin. It was obvious where his ‘Red’ nickname had come from: he had the reddest hair Beatrice had ever seen, his skin was white and freckles covered his forehead, nose and cheeks – oh, yes, his cheeks were very red as if he was making a lot of effort.

“Merlin!” he exclaimed happy. “Hi!”

“You alright?” Merlin asked.

“Yes, yes” the boy said. “How is your family? I heard about your mum coming in and out of town in a rush, you followed her. Lady Morgana and Gwen went after you, His Highness was worried” Red told him.

It took a moment to Beatrice understand that ‘His Highness’ meant Arthur.

“I’m alright” he said. “Here, more work for you” he smirked at the boy.

Beatrice expected the boy to groan for having four more horses to take care of, but he only smiled and only then his eyes fell on the woman standing a bit behind Merlin. His smiled fell for a moment, but not for sadness – surprise was evident in his expression.

“Merlin, who is she?” Red asked in a small and shy voice.

Merlin smiled a bit. He was waiting for the boy to see the girl.

“That’s Beatrice, my fiancée” he told the boy.

Red got even more red on the cheeks as he went to the other side of the horse in a second, he was cleaning his hands on his also dirty trousers with a big excited smile on his face as he walked towards Beatrice. He reached out a hand. For a moment, the boy feared the girl wouldn’t take his hand – she was beautiful and clearly clean – but she didn’t mind and shook his hand with enthusiasm.

“Hi” she said. “Nice to meet you”

“It’s a _pleasure_ to meet you, I’m Ellon, but everyone calls me Red, obviously, I mean—“ he pointed to his hair and Beatrice laughed amused for the boy. “Look, I—I probably shouldn’t say it, but Merlin can’t stop talking about you when he’s sad and—“

Merlin was quick to laugh awkwardly and pull the boy away from the girl, his arm covering the boy’s mouth. Red laughed too, he was expecting this. Beatrice laughed more because everyone was laughing then because she thought something was funny… Merlin had been sad in Camelot, Merlin never mentioned sad parts of his life in his letter – but then again, neither did she mention anything about the thieves in hers, she couldn’t blame him. At least now she knew Merlin had spoken of her to people (even if not to the prince), she was happy he wasn’t ashamed of her somehow.

“Alright, alright, don’t make me blush now, Red” said Merlin

“What? It’s true!” he said pushing the man’s arm away. “And don’t do that again, you stink! And your shirt doesn’t taste any better than you smell, ew!” he complained spitting in the ground.

Merlin was about to argue and disagree.

“Don’t,” Beatrice said, “you do stink” she backed the boy up.

Red smiled in victory and Merlin playfully glared at them both.

“I’ve been betrayed!” he exclaimed dramatically.

“Don’t make this a big deal, darling, all you need to do is wash yourself” said Beatrice dismissing his drama. “Now, move along, we have a lot of things to do and so does Red here”

Red nodded and jumped to get the other two horses she was still holding.

Merlin and Beatrice walked away side by side, Merlin’s fingers bushed against the back of her hand before his hand intertwined to hers, the girl chuckled for his innocently bold move. Almost nobody in that place knew he was engaged, but there he was holding hands with a girl in public; not that they minded at all.

“What is the story behind that kid?” she asked. “You don’t usually get along with children”

Merlin looked down knwoing she was right, but he hadn't done it because he somehow _liked_ Red, it was more for the terrible memories that overflowed him.

“His father was everything but an actual father to the boy. Beating him, torturing him, throwing him in the streets for days before letting him go back in the middle of winter, not a penny on his hands, the boy would starve for days” he told. “His mother died when she gave birth to his younger sister, baby and mother died. He had no one. Neighbours called for Gaius when he almost died, his father was away in a drinking spree through the kingdom and didn’t even notice the pneumonia” he hesitated for a moment. “He was supposed to die, but I saved his life. I cured him… with my gift” he mumbled, she nodded showing that she understood his words. “I couldn’t let him to starve and be tortured again, Bea”

“What did you do?” she asked feeling something at the pit of her stomach.

The image of Merlin trying to deal with the father's body made Beatrice nervous.

“I threatened his father with magic. He didn’t come back, he thinks there are demons in his house and ran away before spending more than half an hour in there after the boy was cured. So I took him into my care, in one way or another” he told her. “He doesn’t live with me or anything, he lived alone in his own home, but he he’s a strong boy and can take care of himself… I just help a little. I found him a job in the stables, he likes animals and he’s good with them”

Beatrice nodded.

“So you have a ward now?” she teased.

Merlin laughed and shook his head before stopping for a moment and thinking.

“Well, perhaps I do” he said after thinking.

“Good, I like a caring man” she teased again.

Merlin laughed again, this time louder.

Gaius stared at the girl at his door with his mouth hanging open.

When he heard Merlin talking about this pretty girl from his village, his best friend’s little sister and his own friend too, he would roll his eyes and think she wasn’t all that much – Merlin, to him, was just a young and inexperienced boy in love, of course he would be head over heels for his first love. But now he understood Merlin. She was indeed very pretty. Smart blue eyes, mysterious dark hair and fair white skin mixed with the slight blush on her embarrassed cheeks matching her lips.

“Hi” she said a bit uncomfortable by the surprise in his face.

Slowly the surprise faded and Gaius smiled happier than he has ever been. Merlin, oh young Merlin, was happy and growing up. He was becoming a man.

“Fiancée?!” he exclaimed in surprise. “Don’t get me wrong, dear” he said turning to Beatrice, “I’m very happy you’re here and you’re more than welcome to stay with us. But you, Merlin, you never cease to amaze me!”

“I’ll take that as compliment” Merlin mumbled more to himself than to anyone else in the room, but everyone heard.

“Don’t, it wasn't” Gaius said. “I just don’t know how come she could follow you into Camelot when most of the time you’re barely escaping _another_ death sentence”

Beatrice muffled her laugh, but too late – a snort was loud and clear and she gave up muffling her laugh and proceeded to laugh loudly.

“I’ll say it’s because Merlin is a charmer. Besides, I grew up with him, the idea of almost dying seems too familiar to scare me off” she joked. “I don’t think you remember me, but hello again, I’m glad to find you in good health”

Gaius suddenly remembered the curious little girl waving at him as soon as he got down from his worse years back, she was holding Merlin’s and Will’s hands as they walked towards him with Hunith and Annie right behind them. But now that he remember, it was clear to see the smart eyes had changed very little.

“Oh, yes, but I remember people calling you—“

“’Bunny’, yes” she laughed. “You see, my teeth didn’t get much better, but at least they didn’t grow with me”

And that was for sure. Her teeth were smaller now, but perhaps it was because she was bigger now. Yet her front teeth were still a bit big, a bit crooked - it was charming still.

Merlin watched and Gaius and Beatrice started chatting away, small-talk at first about the tiring travel and how cold the weather was becoming and rapidly. Everything was going fine… until Beatrice say she was seventeen, then Gaius froze midway of getting her some water and bread and Merlin just _knew_ he was in trouble by some law he did not know.

“Seventeen, you said?” Gaius asked.

“Yes, I did say it” she answered. “Is there something wrong about that?”

Gaius looked at Merlin before going back to the task of filling her a goblet of water and giving her a plate filled with bread and some ham, she smiled and thanked him. Merlin made his way to the table too and sat beside her, she smiled at him.

“No exactly a problem, dear, just a… difference of laws between Ealdor and Camelot, that seems to happen a lot” he said trying to reassure her. “In here, you’re still seen by the eyes of the Law and the King as a child and you need your father’s approval to be here, especially if accompanied by an unmarried man, even if that man is your soon-to-be husband”

“You mean—“

“That you cannot be with Merlin if not chaperoned if you do not want your reputation to fall” Gaius explained. “And you cannot marry unless with your father’s approval in writing”

“I care little for my reputation” she said.

“You should care, or at least pretend to care for now” Merlin said. “You are to be Lady Morgana’s Lady-in-Waiting, one mistake and your reputation falls down the hill, which means you can be considered a bad and devilish influence to her – you’ll be lucky if you’re just sacked and not punished”

“What am I do to, then?” she asked annoyed. “Spend another year unmarried?”

Gaius tensed up.

“Is this relationship unlawful? Is your father against this union?” Gaius asked worried.

“My father is dead. I never even got to meet him” she said explaining him. “What am I to do? Can my mother send word? She’s educated enough to read and write well, I’m sure she’ll manage to write a short letter”

Gaius thought for a moment.

“I must consult with Geoffrey, but I do believe this would be impossible, my dear chi—“

Knocks on the door made them both fall in silence.

“Yes?” Merlin asked loudly.

The door was open to reveal Gwen, she smiled to them, but her smile seemed professional and not friendly.

“Excuse me, forgive me for the intromission, but King Uther requires our presence” she said. “All of us” she added looking at Gaius.

Merlin looked at Beatrice fearing for her, she was the one with magical powers to Arthur, Morgana and Gwen – he needed a way to tell Gaius without alarming him or getting yelled at (again). All of them left Gaius’ Chambers and started walking through the corridors towards the Throne Room where the Council was to be reunited to see what to do about Arthur’s lack of obedience, of course nothing would happen to the prince for he was going after the group to ‘make sure Morgana, the poor and generous Morgana, was alright after she left to follow a servant in need because her heart was too good and too pure’, Uther did not dare to disagree… Until he heard about the new girl, who was to be Lady-in-Waiting to his ward, so he gathered the Council to see if she was appropriate for the job.

 _Talk little, smile and be polite,_ Beatrice would say to herself in her mind as the double doors were open. She fixed her posture, head held high, eyes fixed on the king to make sure to show she was not scared of him.

The entire group stopped and bowed, she looked down and made a quick and decent – but not quite grand – feminine bow to the man in crown. Gwen quickly made her way to stay behind Morgana.

“Gaius, my old friend,” Uther greeted barely glancing at the stranger in the room.

“Sire” Gaius greeted back.

Uther looked at Merlin up and down, but said nothing before looking at Beatrice. She was looking back at him, eyes big and firm. Her posture was straight, but not tense – it was like she would always meet kings, she was falsely relaxed.

“And you must be Beatrice” Uther said with curiosity.

“I must be, my Lord” she said.

Uther's eyebrows shot up. Her voice was much different from what he expected; her voice was not as high as he imagined it to be, her face still had some childish expressions, but her voice was coming from a grown woman. It was confusing for a moment, but soon it wouldn’t be as weird.

“My son said you were offered the position of Maid-in-Waiting of my ward, the Lady Morgana, is it true?” he asked, she nodded. “You must understand I need to see you’re compatible with the Court Manners and a proper match to take care of her”

“I do understand, my Lord” she said firmly holding his eyes on hers.

Merlin watched the scene in silence. There Beatrice goes trying to make everyone like her, even the king that could kill her just by a small word. Arthur was also watching fearing magic was involved on her eyes, he worried she was enchanting his father, but there was the same amount of curiosity and hesitation in his eyes than usual, so he calmed down.

“Tell me about you” he said.

“My name is Beatrice, I’m from Ealdor. Youngest child of a knight and a dressmaker in Cendred’s kingdom. My father was killed before I was born and I lived my whole life with my mother and my older brother” she told him. “I know how to read, speak and write in English and Welsh, my Lord. I can dance and sing, I also heard multiple times my needlework is not completely terrible. Also, I lived for years with Hunith, Merlin’s mother, Gaius’ niece; therefore I’m not completely ignorant towards healing plants, herbs and ways”

“You said you’re the daughter of a deceased knight” said Uther. “Tell me his name”

“My father’s name was Daniel, but most people called him Oak, my Lord” said Beatrice.

Uther froze on his throne and then got up in a jump, Arthur had a hand over his sword’s holder in the same moment, ready to kill Beatrice when she moved a bit farther away from the wide-eyed king that was coming down the stairs with his eyes locked on the girl.

How didn’t he notice why the woman on her knees begging for help seemed somehow familiar to him? Annie – that was a common name, but her face was too pretty to forget. How didn’t he notice why he knew those blue eyes firmly staring at him like he was nothing but a man? How come he didn’t see it was _Daniel’s daughter_ right in front of him?

“You—“ he mumbled he was less than five feet away from her now. “You are his daughter”

“My Lord?” she said confused and a bit scared.

Merlin was by her side in a second, the scared tone on her voice impossible to miss. Beatrice looked at him as if to ask if the man’s reaction was something odd or common, but the confused and hesitant actions of Merlin answered her right away. The king had never acted like that before.

“Your father, girl, I knew him; I knew him well” he said. “Your father saved my life in the battlefield when I was at war with Cendred all those years ago. He was killed for treason right in front of me and I couldn’t do _anything_ ”

Beatrice froze there.

All those years wondering, all those years of her mother crying and not knowing the difference between the truth and unfounded rumours of a gossip-filled court in Cendred’s castle, all those years came down at that moment. The truth was finally out and had just been showed to her, and yet she didn’t feel anything right away. For a moment, she felt guilty for feeling so numb towards her father’s death, then she felt angry at herself and then angry at the king that had his life saved and yet was such a terrible person. And then she felt scared as she started to wonder why her father would put his life at risk for someone like Uther Pendragon. And then she felt happy. Happy her father’s death was finally revealed.

She wanted to say something. Beatrice wanted to yell at Uther and ask why he couldn’t have done anything about it or why he never went after Annie to tell her the truth – a truth she deserved, a truth that was more than a _right_ to her. But her lips wouldn’t move, her mouth was open and no sound would leave. Everything around her was weird, it was like being underwater, everything was slow and warbled as she looked around trying to find something – no, someone, she needed someone, she needed her family to tell them she had finally figured it out and that mother needed to stop crying in the middle of the night and that Will should be proud his father was fighter against Cendred until his last minute.

“Beatrice?” there was a voice whispering in her ear.

She turned around only then noticing someone was holding her shoulder because she had stumbled. It was Merlin, looking at her with wide eyes.

“I’m alright” she said trying to calm his panicked state.

“You’re pale”

“I’m alright” she insisted.

Uther watched the two.

“You must be tired from the travel,” the king said, “Gaius, can you shelter her for tonight and—“

“She’s living with me now, sire” said Gaius quickly.

They needed to deal with this one subject of conversation before ignoring all the trouble again.

“But you have a grown man living with you” Uther said.

Merlin wanted to say it wasn’t a problem and that Beatrice was his soon-to-be wife, but he didn’t dare to say anything to the king at that moment, all he was focused on was how Beatrice was slowly regaining colour on her cheeks.

“Yes, indeed, but Beatrice and Merlin are engaged” said Gaius. “They are to be married in the summer. But you see, there’s the situation where Beatrice is seventeen, but doesn’t have a father and I don’t think I’d dare to throw her in the streets until her brother answers the letter”

“Do not worry about, I am to make an exception. She’s is to live with you until we decide anything else” Uther said dismissing the age. “Go on, boy, take her to rest” he said to Merlin rushing him away. “Beatrice, you are invited to join me and my family for supper. We have a lot to discuss”

It was clear the invitation wasn’t being extended to neither Gaius nor Merlin, although Beatrice hated it she knew she needed to accept the invitation and take every bit of information from Uther to write her mother and brother about her new discovery.

“Yes, my Lord” she mumbled still a bit dizzy from shock.

“Alright” he turned around. “We’ll keep on treating all the subjects the Court and Counsellors have gathered for me today, please, Lord Rinny go on”

Merlin discreetly helped Beatrice to walk away. When they were finally away from the Throne Room with Gaius walking right behind them Beatrice’s knees gave out and she stopped before kneeling on the ground.

“Bea!” Merlin exclaimed trying to help her up.

“No! Just – just give me a minute” she said. She put her hands over her eyes and sighed deeply “Oh, for all the Gods, I can’t believe this just happened. After all those years wondering, now I know… Now I finally know! My father finally can have come disclosure, Merlin. He can finally _rest_ ” her voice sounded tired, but it was happy and excited nonetheless.

Merlin smiled and kneeled in front of her.

“Everything is going to be alright now” he agreed.

She hugged him. He hugged her back without hesitation.

Gaius smiled to himself.


	9. Daniel's Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oak is much more than just a traitor that saved Uther - he was much more, much deeper. He was a leader.

**Daniel’s Death**

“Do tell, Beatrice, how is life in Ealdor” said Uther.

Beatrice smiled to herself as she was flooded with stories she wanted to tell about her home-village. Slowly, she started to find words to describe how simply happy she was in there, as she did that, she looked at the dark simple grey dress she was wearing – it was simple and a bit old, but it was her favourite dress and her best one.

“Well, it’s weird— I mean, it’s different from here; that much I can say just by seeing the little I saw already” she said. “Camelot is so modern! I saw pipes for the very first time today, it was nice to see water coming out of it, it brought water from such a faraway well to inside the citadel. I never imagined such a thing happening before coming here”

Uther watched her for a moment. If she was so surprised by something so simple, he couldn’t image the conditions she’d live with in Ealdor. It didn’t take long for him to notice how little food there was in her plate, she was slowly eating the bread, the ham and the three slices of cheese; he noticed she didn’t even look twice to the cow’s meat.

“Eat more, help yourself, Beatrice” he insisted.

“I think I ate enough, my Lord. My stomach won’t take much more” she said.

When one’s is used to eating little, it’s hard to eat more.

“You look a lot like your father” he commented.

Morgana looked up from her plate to watch the way Uther was looking at Beatrice, it was much like the way she was used to him looking at her. It was obvious Uther felt guilty for her father’s death and responsible for the girl’s life after losing him.

“How did you meet him?” she asked. “Don’t get me wrong, my Lord, but my father was not from noble birth and he really didn’t want to be in Cendred’s army, I don’t see him making political meetings”

“Far from that, girl, I’m sure he didn’t know who I was when I first met him, but you’re wrong about one thing: he was the one behind many political meetings. He was a rebel and the most famous one, his face was never known though, so when I put myself between some of Cendred’s rebels he was there; a great guy, intimidating to some” he told her. “When I got into that small shed the meeting was happening he was there, his wife and son were there too; his son was no more than a babe. I remember he was very hesitant when I came in because he didn’t know me, but it was quick forgotten when he found out who I was. There would be a battle in a few days and he promised to be by my side”

“And he was?” she asked.

“If there’s something I understood about your father in the little time I knew him was that his words were never to be taken from granted. He was a true knight, although was not from noble birth he’d port himself in a gracious and chivalrous way, if he was still alive I’d make him my knight in a blink of an eye” he told her.

Beatrice imagined for a second a beautiful man, the image she’d usually get whenever she’d imagine her father – black hair, bright blue eyes and a gentle, but charming smile. She imagined that man kneeling in front of Uther as he was proclaimed an important knight, she imagined Will smiling proudly and saying one day he’d become knight too and she imaged her mother crying in happiness and cheering loudly, she imagined herself beside Merlin as they laughed and joked around during the boring ceremony only to stop when it was Daniel’s turn and going back to joking around when it was someone else.

“Thank you for the kind words, sire” she said in a small voice, her imagination making her a bit sad when she came back to reality. “We never knew about—“ she stopped herself.

“Never?” Uther asked in surprise.

“My mother received the letter of his death, _killed in action_ , they said. If I remember correctly, they said he was killed in the battlefield by your men, but then some friends of my father said there was gossip in court about the truth behind his death. We thought about it, we wondered, of course… but we were never sure” she admitted.

To not know was probably way worse than knowing it. She was shocked, there was a lump in her throat, but Beatrice couldn’t be happier about it.

“I cannot imagine what you had to go through” Morgana said.

Morgana couldn’t imagine indeed, he knew how her father died – Uther told her, he was fighting beside him. She knew he was dead from the moment Uther came back to her alone, but she couldn’t bear the thought of not knowing for years.

“The disclosure is welcome, my Lady” Beatrice answered. “My mother will be really happy, I’m sure Will shall be proud of who our father was”

“Will?” Uther asked.

“My older brother, the babe you saw” she told him.

“He must be, what now? Eighteen, nineteen?” Uther wondered.

“Nineteen in spring, my Lord, to be married a few days after” she told him.

Uther sighed. Oh, he was getting old so fast. Arthur was already twenty-one, Morgana about to do twenty.

“About marriage… You said you’re engaged” Uther said.

“Yes, to Merlin, Father” said Arthur jumping into the conversation, “my manservant”

“Oh, yes, a good boy, very loyal to Arthur” Uther said nodding. “Grew up together?”

“Yes, my Lord. He’s my brother’s best friend and mine too. We were together from the very day I was born” she told him.

“I do believe you’re a bit too young to get married, you barely reached seventeen. But you’re not from Camelot and in Ealdor I’m aware it’s not against the law to marry after fourteen, am I right?”

“Fifteen” she corrected right away.

“Fifteen,” he corrected himself. “Well, there’s little I can do for you without your brother’s or father’s letter and—“ he stopped. “Unless, you’re not Christian”

“I’m not” she said. “I follow the Old Religion ever since I can remember, my Lord. Of course, I understand I must study your holy book for the job I’ll take on and I have no complains about it, but I’m also aware there’s no religion persecution in here… Camelot is indeed very progressive” she smiled.

Uther wanted to say they couldn’t give such a big position inside the Royal Household to a pagan, but he held his tongue back. Beatrice deserved that job, Arthur had told him about how she fought in battle side by side with men and how she would usually get food in the table of people in Ealdor. She was a pagan, but she was a good person nonetheless and Uther wouldn’t let his prejudice get in the way a debt he felt like he needed to pay.

“Progressive is perhaps a good word to describe here,” Uther agreed, “I shall remember it when we receive visitors”

Beatrice smiled at him.

“Well, since I’m not Christian?”

“Then I believe… purity isn’t priority” he said hesitating a bit and glancing at Morgana as if thinking she wouldn’t understand what that meant, Morgana held back a smirk and sipped her tea. “Then all I must ask is for no children until after marriage”

“Do not worry, sire” Beatrice said.

Arthur was very uncomfortable, but if there’s something he knew now about Pagans is that they care little for sex talks.

“Well, now, do finish your food now, Beatrice” said Arthur urging Beatrice to full her mouth so the talk wouldn’t get more uncomfortable.

She walked into Gaius’ chamber with a tired face on. The dinner had been delicious and it was more than she had ever wanted – she had found out so much about the father she always had, but never knew. A rebel, a charming leader, a promising knight; he was everything people never imagined him to be… and yet. But the supper was exhausting nonetheless and she couldn’t help but want Merlin’s arms and a good, warm blanket in that cold December.

Beatrice closed the door behind her and sighed before couching on the floor to get her breath back.

“How was your supper with the Royal Family, my Lady?” joked Merlin wiggling his eyebrows to her.

“Oh, please, don’t” she moaned in exhaustion. “I’m knackered” she confessed.

“Figures” he said smiling and walking towards her. “Come on, sit down on the bench, get up from the floor”

Merlin reached his hand out for her, Beatrice took his hand and let herself be pulled to a standing position before sitting down with Merlin in the bench near the table. As Merlin got a goblet of water for her she looked around the chambers.

“Where’s Gaius?” she asked.

“He took off to take care of something that happened in the kitchen, quite a large number of cooks got hurt – burns can be tricky to treat if not taken care of right away” he explained giving the water to her. “Do you want me to take your shoes off for you?”

She moaned as shook her head as she sipped her water.

“I can do it on my own, thank you very much” she said dismissing his help and putting the empty goblet on the table before leaning down and untying the shoes and taking them off, she wiggled her toes. “Now, that’s lovely”

Merlin chuckled.

“Do you want to go to bed now?” he asked.

Beatrice looked at him.

They hadn’t discussed properly the sleeping arrangements, but she was a bit too shy to start asking about it with Gaius being there. Now, alone with him, she was brave enough to smirk and joke around:

“Only if you are” she winked at him.

Merlin tried to laugh and roll his eyes, but the blush on his cheeks made clear that joke caught him off guard. Beatrice laughed a bit, starting to feel more relaxed by the minute.

There was no moment where Merlin made her feel uncomfortable, Merlin was simply everything she ever knew and she was familiar and comfortable with him – Merlin was home; going to his arms after a long and tiring day was the same of just hiding under the blankets in a cold day and his voice whispering sweet nothings in her ear was like the crackling of the wood that made sure to say that dinner was on the way. Merlin was more home than Ealdor because Merlin was to whom Beatrice’s heart belonged.

It wasn’t any different to Merlin either. He was in love with Beatrice ever since he was sixteen; at first it was a brotherly love, it was the feeling of wanting to make sure she was safe and happy for the rest of their lives and – ever so slowly – he came into the realization that he not only wanted her to be happy, but he wanted to make her happy. To him, Beatrice was home, too, she was the thing he missed the most whenever he had his eyes closed and the thing he wished and longed for whenever he was alone. Beatrice was his comfort and consolation. Beatrice was his one and only solace.

And although she was his solace, Merlin was a grown man and he wasn’t completely oblivious, he knew that even though he wanted her to be his solace she was still her own person with her own life and had her own feelings. And right now, it was clear something had happened.

“Tell me what you want me to know, or I’ll wait until you’re ready. But I want to help you, too, love” he said kissing her cheek after putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Father was very different from what I thought he was… well, from what everyone though he was, for that matter” she told him. “King Uther told me the most brilliant things. Father was rebel, he was one of the leaders, he was the face to the reunions and he was charming and strong – Merlin, he was traitor to Cendrid. He was Uther’s protector”

“Your father surely knew each side to fight” he said nodding slowly. “At that time, Uther was still a decent king”

Beatrice nodded to herself knowing very well that – although Uther was being nothing but kind to her – she shouldn’t let herself be fooled and that he was a starving-for-power tyrant and a maniac to the idea of free magic, nothing would change his mind, not even her. She wasn’t stupid enough to try to fix him. Uther had passed the point of no return.

“I have to write a letter for Mom” she said to him.

“Why don’t you write it tomorrow? It’s late and the candles will be done soon. Wash and let’s go to bed, alright?” he kissed her cheek again and caressed her hair a few more times before getting up and going to put the goblet back. “I talked to Gaius; quite a conversation I must say, but I sure do not wish to have it again, too many questions I did not want to answer and too many answers to questions I did not ask. Well, anyway, he said it’s only fair you sleep in my bed, as long as you’re comfortable with this arrangement, of course”

“I’m more than comfortable with it, it’s exactly what I expected, but I didn’t dare to ask out loud in front of Gaius. I know how much you value him and he’s Pagan like us, but he gravitates a lot towards Christianity and I didn’t want to make you embarrassed in front of him; I guess I can understand him, it’s hard not to gravitate towards it when you have to work for people with such faiths” Beatrice said. “I cannot understand it though, just one God—“

“Let’s not talk about it, Bea. You have quite a small mind about it and I don’t wish to discuss religion in the night, please”

“Small mind?” she exclaimed a bit offended, a bit surprised.

“Small mind, indeed. You don’t seem to understand people can have other religions beside your own and I understand you were raised inside the Old Religion only, but you seem quite angry whenever Christians are involved” he smiled and kissed the tip of her noise. “Now, get out of that dress and come to bed, please. It’s freezing and our blankets are waiting for us. Let’s get warm”

“I know a lot of ways to get warm!” she joked. Merlin glared at her. “What?” she joked again.


	10. New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice and Merlin start to try and get used to their new lives, Camelot seems like a dream come true... but with way too many rules for Beatrice's taste.

**4 th December – AUTUMN**

Beatrice thought if she was ever going to get used to it. Waking up with Merlin beside her was still something so seemly impossible and dreamlike that she had blink twice to make sure the Merlin that was slowly trying to get out from her arms to get dressed was indeed real and not only her imagination making cruel jokes on her semi-awake state again.

She inhaled the scent she was starting to get familiar with. It was _their_ scent.

Merlin, with the noise, looked over his shoulder as he put his trousers on, his bare back still. He looked at barely awake Beatrice and half-smiled to himself; the small confused eyes that were usually big and full of life, the big messy black hair usually so contained and her lips still a bit red from all the kissing from the night before. He wondered if his lips were the same still.

“Hi, I’m sorry, I was trying to leave without waking you up” he whispered, she whined and reached her arms out hoping he’d get back in bed with her. “I can’t. I must go, I need to work. I’m needed, this castle can’t work without me here” he joked.

“Too early for jokes” she complained in a hoarse, tired voice.

“Sleep in for today, you will only receive all the books you need in after lunch anyway” he leaned into her arms and kissed her forehead, she whined again not wanting him to go, he chuckled. “Sleep, it’s very early”

“Alright” she said closing her eyes again.

Merlin covered her with another blanket, the chemise she was using too thin to keep the cold out.

“I love you” he said as he promised to say every morning.

“I love you, too” she said in a whisper.

It didn’t take long for Beatrice to fall back asleep. Merlin put on his shirt and tunic before putting his shoes on and walking out of the private chambers they were sharing into Gaius’ chambers.

Gaius, who was very busy chopping herbs and seeing the measurements in the potion book he had opened in his table, looked up startled when he saw Merlin walking out of the room in silence. Merlin saw him looking and waved as he tried to fix his shoes on his feet since they were a bit uncomfortable.

“Good morning” Merlin said walking towards him to get a bowl of oatmeal before leaving for work.

“Good morning” Gaius said back. “Eat, Merlin, you’ll have a long day in front of you. I’m glad you left Beatrice to sleep in, I saw Gwen gathering the books with Geoffrey and I must say… thick and big books with small letters” he sighed. “That poor girl will have to work a lot and she must be rested. She had a long night—“

Merlin looked up startled when Gaius stopped himself and turned his back to him as if not wanting to show his face to him.

“I’m sorry?” Merlin said a bit confused.

“I got back a bit earlier than the hour I told you” Gaius answered blushing a bit. “I didn’t want to interrupt, so I was quiet, besides I saw some the herbs were missing. I don’t want to talk about it and I really don’t mind, boy, I’m really happy for you and her, but she had a tiring day and a tiring evening and she deserves sleeping a bit more” he touched Merlin’s arm and smiled. “Don’t worry about her while you work, I’ll take care of her”

Merlin blushed a bit and nodded. He didn’t really want to talk about his sex-life to the man that was closest to a father to him, but it was too late, in the embarrassing supper they shared as Beatrice was with the Royal Family was too deep into a conversation Merlin did not want to have – children and how they were made. Oh, no, not something you want to talk about with your uncle and guardian. Fortunately, Gaius was an open-minded man and was aware Merlin and Beatrice were young people in love that respected and longed for one another after so much time apart, he knew he shouldn’t be stepping in and making them go apart again.

Making love was no capital crime; they didn’t deserve to be punished by it. It was only natural.

“I got to go now, Gaius, I need to wake the Royal Prat” Merlin grumbled quite in a bad mood for having to go out. “I’ll see you later”

Merlin touched Gaius’ shoulder and soon disappeared out of the door.

Gaius sighed as he watched Merlin run through the corridors of the castle because –again – he was late before looking to the closed door that led to the bedroom where a tired, young girl was sleeping soundly. For a moment, Gaius couldn’t help but feel proud of Merlin. He was getting married soon, he was happy and the girl was a good, respectful and hard-working girl for all he knew; Merlin did well by bringing Beatrice back with him and not letting her get away like Gaius did with Alice when they were young and in love just like them. Gaius always knew Merlin was braver than him.

The man worked through the morning very well. He had all the herbs he needed since he asked for a young kitchen girl get it for him while Merlin was still away, he didn’t need to get out of his chambers for anything.

It was almost eleven in the morning when a very sleepy, confused looking Beatrice got out of the private chamber’s door with her most simple dress (an ugly elderberry brown with yellow discreet details) with her hair all pulled back in a simple braid.

“Oh, good morning, dear” Gaius said smiling to her. “Did you sleep well?”

“It’s been weeks since I slept this well, thank you very much” she said smiling back at him. “I think I overslept though. Do you know what time is it?”

Gaius was about to answer when the church bells rang only once at a distance, he smiled to himself when she looked around a bit confused to where that sound was coming from.

“Those were the church bells telling us it’s eleven in the morning,” he explained, “they ring every hour, but at six in the morning, twelve at afternoon and at six in the evening they ring three times to tell us the time. The Christians use this rings to pray, too”

“They have especial times to pray?” she asked confused.

“A lot of religions do” Gaius dismissed. “Here, dear girl, some food – I just rewarmed it for you, you’ll need energy today”

Beatrice didn’t dare to ask why, she knew her very first day of training for the Court Etiquette was going to be hard. She had so much to learn: posture, hierarchy, Ball Etiquette and religion. She knew it was going to be very hard for her, a girl that came from the countryside without any prior training in any of those matters.

The girl ate the oatmeal with taste, Gaius watched and knew that Merlin didn’t complain about the oatmeal because he had even less to eat in Ealdor, now that she was there, too, it was hard to imagine that girl having to go to sleep without any food in her stomach for a couple of days. Unfortunately, the malnourish was quite clear in her body – her collarbones were so apparent under the skin Gaius wondered if they wouldn’t just tear the skin apart. Gaius promised to himself he’d feed the girl so well that she’d never complain of hunger in her life again, just like he had promised to himself to do with Merlin.

Gaius suddenly knew that he now had a son and a daughter that he shared no blood with, but they were _his_ nonetheless.

There were Etiquette books for everything.

Beatrice only believed such a thing because she was seeing the various books over the already fixed bed Merlin and she shared. Gwen had dropped the books and soon left to finish her jobs for Lady Morgana who was kind enough to give her the day to read the books and meet her for tea after lunch on the next day to talk about what she had learned. But how could she read all those books in a few hours? How could she remember everything in there?

“Don’t worry, girl, Merlin still has quite a few slip ups and he’s here for a longer time than you” Gaius said when he saw the girl sitting in the ground in frustration, the door of the chambers wide open, he stopped at the door. “If you need any help, you tell me and I’ll try to help you. A few decades in here can teach anyone how to behave” he joked.

“Oh, don’t you worry, Gaius, I will most likely need you help” she said joking back and getting the very first book. “ _Table Etiquette”_ she read. “Well… here we go”

Beatrice studied hard everything there was in that book. Fortunately, Camelot had a liberal etiquette matter, but the other countries Morgana would constantly visit were much less liberal. The insane amount of eating tools and rules make her shiver for the thought she had just eaten with the Royal Family in the night before. So many silly rules she had to memorize.

Gaius had made Beatrice get up from the cold floor and made her seat in the table, he had given her some food for lunch already and yet she wasn’t eating, she was still too focused on the smallest book of the pile to get hungry.

“Beatrice, why don’t you eat and then write the most important things in this book right here?” he said getting up and getting the small book with yellowish pages, all blank. “But I must insist for you to eat”

“This is hard” she complained.

Gaius chuckled. Oh, she was just like Merlin – always complaining, but always working as hard as she could.

“I know it is” he agreed. “Most Ladies-in-Waiting were born and raised in those ruled you have to learn, but that doesn’t mean you are not as good as they are”

Beatrice got some worry in Gaius’ voice. She looked up and closed the book before putting it over the blank book and pulling the plate of food close to her.

Gaius smiled to himself and shook his head baffled as she peeked to the book and opened it again, eating and reading at the same time, he didn’t know why he expect anything different from her. Beatrice smiled, too, happy for making Gaius smile.

**_Table Etiquette_ **

  * Do not leave your spoon in your teacup.
  * Crack the top of your egg instead of peeling it.
  * If you have bacon or fish, have a separate plate for your bread or toast and butter, but if you have boiled eggs – which require very careful eating.
  * Don’t sip your coffee or tea with the spoon nor drain the cup.
  * Do not crumble up your table napkin. If you’re a guest, fold it up and if you’re staying in a big house where everything is done ‘en grand prince’ do not fold it up, just place it on the table; the servants will take care of it.
  * After eating, wipe your lips before drinking something.
  * Do not gulp liquids or bolt food.
  * Do not masticate or swallow audibly.
  * Don’t pile your food in your plate or grasp the eating tools as weapons – hold them as red-hot needles.
  * Do not crumble the bread by your side and do not drain the glass to the last drop.



Finishing the very first book and finishing writing the most important parts of it down so she could have a resume, Beatrice almost could feel her wrist aching for knowing she had more to learn still and a few more books waiting for her.

Fortunately, the next book she had was much easier to understand and she was happy for listening about the matter before, even if lightly. ‘ _Formal Dinner Placing Etiquette’_ , she didn’t have to write anything about it for everything was pretty obvious. Host at the head of the table, Hostess at the other head – Guest of Honour on the right side of the Hosts, if a woman on the right side of the Host and if a man on the right side of the Hostess; she was also happy to remember married couples never sat beside each other and all the table was intercalated between a male and a female. Beatrice was relieved she had heard people talking about it before, especially knights passing by and just staying the night.

Unfortunately, she had finished two of the four books she had when Merlin finally walked back into the chambers.

“Good evening” he said to the two people in the room, Gaius smiled and waved, Beatrice groaned something as she pulled the third book closer to her to start it. “Are you alright, love?” he asked.

“Tired and very late on the subjects” she explained quickly. “Do you know anything about _Noble Manners_ or am I to learn it alone?”

“Well,” he smiled to her and walked over to her to kiss the top of her head, “for your luck I am the Prince’s manservant and I’m aware of most of the rules”

“I pray do tell” she moaned. “I’m too tired to read this whole book”

Merlin looked at the book and then to the other book she had still to read.

“Alright, Noble Manners is not as hard as it looks and this book was the same I had to read and it just describes what I’m about to say to you in way too many words” he said. “It’s the basics, really. It’s standing up when greeting someone”

“Standing up and greeting,” she repeated, “alright” she nodded to herself and wrote it down.

“Next, it’s usually the lady’s privilege to extended the hand to initiate the greet the person by a handshake or something like that, unless the other person is older or has a higher rank – you _never_ start the greeting with someone of higher rank, let them come to you and let them talk to your first”

She nodded again and wrote it down.

“Next?” she asked

Merlin smiled a bit. Beatrice was adorable whenever she was focused on something, her tongue would show up in the corner of her mouth or biting her lip and her nose sometimes would move quickly, much like a bunny.

“Next,” he agreed thinking, “alright, so… The next one is the curtsying thing, you’re not bad at it. Get up” she did. “Left foot slightly behind the right, flex both knees… not so much, yeah, like that. Keep your back straight” he smiled with the graceful curtsy she had done. “Is there anything you _can’t_ do?” he asked before leaning to kiss her – he was quickly reminded they were not alone and only kissed the tip of her nose.

Gaius shook his head in shock Merlin was so lovey-dovey with her as he walked to where he was cooking Uther’s potion.

“Is there anything else?” she asked.

“For what I remember those are the most important ones. Usually you’ll get it better as you go along, there’s no reason for me to teach you something you’ll have to learn under pressure” he said. “Arthur made me learn Duel Etiquette in a single night, and I had to make sure his armour was useful and pretty – you’ll be fine”

She got the last book and showed it for him.

“Oh, please, I can’t believe it! ‘ _Clothing Etiquette’_?” she complained, she opened the book to look the first few pages. “Look at this, ‘ _Glove Etiquette’_ , how can gloves be important? How can you make mistakes using gloves?”

Merlin laughed. Oh, how lucky he was to be serving a man and how lucky he was for _being_ a man, or else he’d probably be the one having to learn all those silly things in such a short amount of time. But not for a moment Merlin thought Beatrice wouldn’t be able to balance everything out and do a brilliant job.

Merlin’s night was calm, he slept soundly beside the girl sitting in the bed with a candle. Beatrice’s night was filled with studying and her dreams were filled with hats, gloves and dresses she wasn’t sure how to wear.

**5 th December – AUTUMN**

Beatrice was quiet and very nervous when she knocked on Morgana’s chamber’s door.

She didn’t know why she was so nervous, she had gotten along just fine with Lady Morgana – perhaps it was the fact that she was there as her Lady-in-Waiting and not as her friend’s soon-to-be wife or a random girl that helped her around when she was in Ealdor. Yet, Beatrice forced herself to fix her posture like she saw in the books and put a small, discreet smile that didn’t show her teeth.

The door opened to reveal Gwen who smiled a bit at her.

“You’re here!” she said.

“Who is that?” Morgana asked from inside.

“Beatrice, my Lady” said Gwen.

“Come in, Beatrice” said Morgana’s voice.

Gwen stepped out of the way. Gwen was still feeling a bit awkward with Beatrice close by, she was still struggling to forget about Merlin and the stupid little crush she had on him but her mind started to travel to someone ever further from her reach, Prince Arthur would never – in any situation – want her. Oddly, some parts of Gwen were blaming Beatrice for the confusion in her heart and mind even though Beatrice didn’t even know what her presence made Gwen think about or feel at all.

“How have you been, my Lady?” Beatrice asked doing the curtsy as she was taught, Morgana smiled. “Well, I hope”

“You saw me yesterday, Beatrice, you know I’m fine” Morgana dismissed. “And when we are alone I ask you for no curtsies, please. It’s hard enough to hear Gwen calling me ‘Lady’ all the time, I’ll allow you to call me ‘Lady’, but remember you’re here as a friend to us, too”

Beatrice wanted to say friends were on the same level, but then she remembered the odd friendship between Merlin and Arthur.

“Well, I was told to come here for tea, my Lady”

“Indeed” Morgana agreed.

They had a long talk about how she was supposed to behave whenever in company of other people if not Arthur and Morgana herself. Morgana took a long time – perhaps too long – explaining some of the laws that involved magic, not that Beatrice really needed those because she was constantly saying that she’d ‘wouldn’t use any magic’; it was true after all, she wouldn’t use because she couldn’t.

But what Beatrice wasn’t expecting was the expectation of her dressing better.

“My Lady, I don’t have the money to pay for a better dress. If you give me some time, I can make one better, my mother taught how to, but—“ Beatrice started to say a bit shocked.

She had never imagined she’d have to pay to get to work.

“Oh, no, Beatrice, Uther told me to get you better dresses so you can blend in” Morgana explained. “The dressmaker will be here before supper, we’ll measure you today”

Gwen looked down as she poured more tea for Morgana, she couldn’t help but notice Beatrice didn’t drink any of the tea. Gwen wasn’t really happy about Beatrice’s presence at that moment – when she started working as Morgana’s maidservant she was fourteen and Morgana was twelve, she had been there for so long and yet Uther would _never_ let Morgana pay a _servant_ a dress, but of course with Beatrice would be different. He was treating Beatrice as if she was a noblewoman, too; inviting her for supper and paying her nice things. She wondered what was different about her.

The truth was that Uther still had a small part inside of him of the man he was when he was younger and a newly crowned king and that small part of him still felt very guilty for Oak’s death. Oak was a good man, a noble man at heart – nothing would ever make him forget the sight of Oak slowly dying, shivering in pain as he smiled and begged for his family to be taken care of; Uther had asked some of Oak’s companions to take care of them, now it was clear those man had run away with the money Uther meant to go to Beatrice’s family.

“What do you mean by ‘blend in’? Do Ladies-in-Waiting have a standard dress or something?” Beatrice asked confused.

“No,” Morgana answered, “it’s just that most of the Ladies-in-Waiting and Maids-in-Waiting are noblewomen of low ranks, they are usually very well dressed and… well, you’re technically part of me now; everything you do whenever we are together will reflect on me” she sighed. “It’s silly, really, but when we are away you are going to represent me in a lot of things – in parties and balls, mostly”

“Oh, I get it now” Beatrice said. “I can’t look as poor”

Morgana hesitated, but in the end she nodded.

“Well, as we wait for the dressmaker, why don’t you answer a few questions?” Morgana smirked. “How was your first night here in Camelot?”

Beatrice hesitated for a moment before answering diplomatic.

“The supper with you, His Majesty and His Highness was simply… marvellous, my Lady” Beatrice smiled, proud of her answer.

Gwen chuckled.

“Oh, c’mon, Gwen, help me here” Morgana said.

Gwen laughed louder, unable to help with the improper questioning.

“Oh, c’mon, Beatrice, tell me – how is it to sleep with a man?” Morgana finally asked straight-forward.

“Oh, Gods” Beatrice said baffled chuckling. “Are you seriously asking me this? Uther would choke me to death if he knew what you’re asking me”

“He mustn’t know, then” Morgana said, she looked at Gwen who had just stopped laughing who nodded as if promising secret.

Beatrice rolled her eyes and started saying:

“Well… I thought it would hurt way more in the first time, I mean, so many of the girls of the village said it would hurt like I was being ripped apart with a knife or something like that, but… no, Merlin would never hurt me” she said with a smile.

And Gwen’s pain went away for she knew she never stood a chance with him; Merlin’s heart was Beatrice’s and only hers. Gwen smiled thinking how lucky Merlin was and how lucky Beatrice was – they had one another until the end.


	11. Dreams Turn Into Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ATTEMPT OF ASSAULT - VIOLENCE
> 
> Beatrice was feeling so well, her life was simply amazing in Camelot, she was starting to get better on her job... but sometimes dreams can turn into nightmares very quick.

**10 th December – AUTUMN**

The new dresses were a bit hard to get used to.

Beatrice was used to use simple cut dresses made of very simple fabric materials, she had never used silk before and her whole dress was made of the finest silk.

“Uther told me that’s the dress you’ll use in the Ball we’ll host in Winter’s Solstice” Morgana explained. “I think you look beautiful in purple”

“Thank you, my Lady” Beatrice said still looking at the wool strings that made the details, they were almost grey-iron coloured.

Beatrice had gotten five dresses she’d have to use whenever she was away from Camelot with Morgana and a dress she was to use in the Ball in Camelot. Six dresses, all too expensive for her to pay on her own, but Uther seemed to like her enough to buy them all. The yellow dress was lovely, but so was the green one and the blue one, but nothing seemed to look better on her than the purple, the white and emerald-green dresses. Also, there was a fox-fur cape – she was very thankful for it all, but it all seemed… too much.

“My Lady, are you sure it’s reasonable for me to wear something so… expensive and fine? I’m not a noblewoman” she looked at Morgana and then to Gwen. “Can’t I wear something pretty and simple like Gwen? She always looks so wonderful and she doesn’t need to spend—“

“You’re not spending anything though” Morgana said. “Look, don’t worry about it. In normal days you’re allowed to wear your own clothes. Even Gwen has specific clothes for big parties and balls”

Gwen nodded.

“I got a beautiful red dress when I completed twenty-years-old, Lady Morgana was very kind to have it made in secret” she smiled to Morgana.

Morgana smiled back at her and laughed a little.

“I must admit it was hard to find a way to measure you without you knowing you were being measured” she confessed.

“I still wonder how you did it”

“Remember I told you put my dress on because I was too lazy to, but I wanted to see how it would fit someone’s body? Well, that was what I used. You’re shorter than me, but our bodies are not that different in the end”

“I should’ve imagined” Gwen said rolling her eyes.

Beatrice started to walk to behind the screen so she could change her clothes back to the simple grey dress she had walked into the room with.

“You can just change in front of us, you know? The door is locked, no one will just walk in unannounced” Morgana said turning her back to Beatrice to gather the clothes the girl had got and put it all in the bag.

Beatrice didn’t really mind changing in front of people, but she thought the other girls would mind so she was acting as prude as she could. But now, with permission, she took the dress off and stepped out of it in her chemise; she took the dress and gave it to Morgana who put it into the bag, too. She turned to walk back close to the grey dress when Gwen giggled.

“What is that?” Gwen asked a bit surprised, but seeming to find the scene funny.

Gwen was talking about the small dark spots in the exposed shoulder where the chemise had slipped off. Love bites Merlin seemed really happy to give Beatrice.

Beatrice pulled the chemise back into its place while Morgana and Gwen laughed at her. The girl was quick to get dressed again and she was thankful for that because when she was tying up the front of the dress, someone tried to open up the door, but it was locked so the person was stuck outside.

“Morgana!” said the voice outside, it was Arthur. “C’mon out, Father wants to have a picnic, which means we’re all going out now. Get ready in fifteen minutes”

Beatrice walked into Gaius’ chambers carrying the bag of dresses.

“Hello, again” she said to the man who smiled at her.

“Came back early today” Gaius commented.

“Morgana, Arthur and Uther went out for a picnic so Merlin and Gwen went, too. I was dismissed” she explained. “That’s a good thing though, I wanted to talk to Red; Merlin said something last night about the winter coming earlier than expected, I wanted to make sure he was alright – his house is quite cold for what Merlin said. I guess I could buy him some firewood, right?”

“Do you have money?” Gaius asked.

“I have some, Uther payed me for accepting the job” she explained.

Gaius looked at her sideways; Uther had never done that before, but he wouldn’t be the one to tell the girl that she was receiving a different treatment from everyone else, but Gaius couldn’t help but wonder if there was something else inside Uther’s mind besides the guilt.

“Well, if you think you can buy it for him” Gaius shrugged. “Why don’t you invite him for dinner with us? Merlin will probably not be here for it, anyway”

Beatrice nodded. She put her things over the bed she shared with Merlin and quickly put the only cape she owned since she was fifteen before waving Gaius a quick bye and leaving the castle as fast as she could.

Her first stop was in the stables. There were a three young boys there, probably around Beatrice’s age, they were all talking and laughing about something and too focused in each other to even notice Beatrice coming towards them.

“Excuse me,” she called out, they all turned to her, “I’m looking for Red. Do you if he’s still in the job?”

One of the boys looked her up and down.

“Why are you looking for the kid?” he teased. “I can do the job, whatever it is”

“Because he’s my friend” she said dismissing the uncomfortableness she was starting to feel under his oddly intrusive eyes.

“I can be your friend” the same boy teased.

The other two boys giggled and watched the scene unfolding in front of them.

“I don’t want you,” she said directly, “and I don’t want any of your mates. Do you know where Red is or not?”

“No need to be so rude, sweetheart” a second boy said.

“If you call me ‘sweetheart’ one more time in this patronizing tone, I’ll cut your tongue off” she said.

The boy was about to say something, but something in Beatrice’s eyes made sure to let him know she wasn’t bluffing about cutting people’s tongues off. By the calm she was using the sentence, he wondered if she had done something similar before – if the answer was yes, he wouldn’t be surprised at all. Beatrice could be very scary and intimidating when she wanted to.

Boy #2 and Boy #3 seemed to understand messing with Beatrice was too dangerous, so they got quiet. Boy #1 didn’t seem to get the memo.

“Oh, dearie, don’t worry about them. My friends aren’t really educated to talk to ladies so beautiful as yourself” the boy said winking at her.

When his friends didn’t laugh of his horrible attempt, the boy looked back at them. They were still watching the scene in silence, but they were very serious on the face now. Boy #1 was very confused about what was going on.

“Beatrice?” said a confused voice a bit away from them.

Red was walking towards the group with a confused and curious look on his face.

Beatrice turned to look at him, she was quite relieved he was away from work already. She smiled at him.

“Hey, Red, I’ve been looking for you” she walked to him. “I’m here to get you some firewood and…” she leaned down a bit to get around his height although he wasn’t much shorter than her, “… what do you think about staying for dinner today? Gaius and I would really like that, Merlin probably won’t be here tonight, I guess he’ll attend to Arthur all night” the boy smiled.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Beatrice asked when Red started to put his coat on to get out on the cold night. “It’s pretty dark already”

“I’ll accept it” Red said shyly.

Red was still a young kid, even though he worked like an adult and lived alone like one, too. Many people seemed to forget about that as they do dirty jokes near him, but Beatrice seemed very aware he was not much older than twelve and he really liked it. He was happy Merlin had brought her with him back to Camelot. She also seemed to understand he was quite scared of the dark that would take over the street of Camelot at night.

Beatrice smiled to him and then to Gaius. Gaius nodded and waved at Red who, before Beatrice was there, would eat with him and Merlin sometimes in the winter; Gaius was really happy Red and Beatrice seemed to be getting along well, he knew how the boy was important to Merlin.

They left. Walking mainly in silence through the streets, they were quite happy about the supper and the bond they were slowly building, when they got in front of Red’s small cottage, Red quickly said goodbye to Bea and got in, happy to warm himself with his blankets and with the fire he’d start.

Beatrice turned around and started to leave.

**(TRIGGER WARNING: ATTEMPT OF SEXUAL ASSAULT – there’ll be another warning when it’s over)**

The sound of her shoes against the ground seemed comfortably comforting… until she heard someone else’s shoes stepping in the ground. At first she didn’t really mind it; people are allowed to walk around, but something inside her seemed to put her in state of attention.

 _Well, there’s nothing wrong about being safe,_ she thought as she doubled her walking speed.

The person doubled their speed, too.

Beatrice glanced over her shoulder. It was only one person; the person was tall and broad – a man, clearly. Something freed all the adrenaline that flood her system, her heart started pounding as if ready to explode in the preparation for an escape as her eyes started to look everywhere, wide in the dark, looking a way out. Run or find a weapon? If he attacks, what should she do? Should she already scream and alert people around her of what’s going on? And— The houses started to get more and more spaced between each other as her started to get closer to the castle. The idea of actually starting to be alone with that mean started to throw gasoline in her spark of fear in her belly; she wanted to run, but her legs seemed heavy, dragging through the streets.

She made a wrong turn, she faced the wall of the castle wondering where the door she was sure was there went.

The man chuckled.

Beatrice stopped where she was.

She couldn’t run, she’d have to fight.

“Hey, dearie” said the voice. “Do you even remember me?” And she did. It was the man that seemed to be the leader of the group of men that were hanging out outside of the stables. She looked around. He was alone. “I asked you if you remember me, bitch, _answer me!_ ” he said angrily.

Beatrice flinched by the angry, almost spit-like tone being thrown towards her.

“I do” she answered, her voice no higher than a whisper.

“Good, good” mumbled the man more to himself than to her. “Tell me your name, dear”

She looked around again, she started praying for all the Gods for protection. She was alone, she was scared.

“Beatrice” she answered.

“Well, Beatrice, my name is Allard” he said, the man took a step towards her.

Beatrice cowered away from him, her back hitting the wall. _She was alone, she was scared._

“Don’t come any closer!” she warned in a loud, demanding voice.

Allard seemed to find that funny because he laughed a bit, as if her attempt of looking strong was clearly a façade. He took another step. _She was alone, she was scared._

“Oh, yeah? If I do, what will you do?” he smirked. “Cry?” he teased. “Don’t worry, I love the crying”

“You won’t like what will happen if you keep coming closer” she warned, but her breath was becoming erratic.

It was clear her helplessness – she was a small girl; she was strong and she’d fight, but Allard was almost 6’1’’ (around 186 centimetres) and he was used to working with stables, he was clearly stronger. _She was alone, she was scared._

That was the moment she took the decision. She’d fight to her death, she’d kill him if she had the opportunity – she was leaving everything that happened from that moment on in the hands of the Gods and her own strength; if she was to die, she’d die fighting like she was taught to do. It was more than her dignity and pride in stake; it was her sense of self. The Beatrice her mother raised would never _ever_ not fight against violence or injustice.

“Pray do tell, what will you do, dear?”

“Don’t call me ‘dear’ or I’ll kill you” she threated.

“I’d like to see you try” he took three steps, she was shaking. “I do love the feisty ones”

 _She was by herself, she was terrified._ But she was decided.

Allard moved another three more steps in a single step. She tried to run through the left, but he held her arm and pulled. Beatrice was suddenly out of the ground, falling until her back hit the ground with a loud thud, she lost all air from inside her lungs – shocked she struggled to inhale sharply.

“No! Stop it!” she screamed.

The man laughed, pushing her down and straddling her down so she would stop moving. He tried making her hands useless by pining them down, but she was stronger than he thought she was by her size, adrenaline pumping on her veins. Her right hand slipped from his control and her punch on his face was strong, his face turned in shock.

“You bitch!” he roared trying to get her hand again.

But by then her left hand slipped from his control again, with that she scratched his face – she could feel parts of his skin gathering under her nails as she dragged them through his left eye and over his nose. He screamed in pain and punched her face.

Beatrice, in pain, flinched and put a hand over her right side of the face as it throbbed under her touch. She groaned and whimpered, her eyes filling with tears of pain. She tried to push him away with her left hand while yelling for someone – _anyone –_ to help her as he started to push her skirt up and his hand wondered her legs’ skin.

**(TRIGGER WARNING DONE – Result: a punch on the face and an aching arm after he grabbed her – no other physical harm done)**

Her begging for help was attended, just not by the way she was expecting.

It was a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach while the rest of her body got suddenly hot, too hot. She felt herself grow bigger and bigger, rounder and rounder but her body hadn’t moved. Beatrice was lying tense in the ground as her eyes flashed silver, an invisible circle pushing Allard away from her so harshly that he flew several feet on the air before falling with a loud thud in the street.

Beatrice suddenly felt the circle becoming tighter and tighter before going back inside of her. The girl levitated from the ground and her body slowly was put standing on the street.

For a moment she stood there, shocked, scared and… surprised.

Beatrice had just done magic.


	12. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice deals with the aftermath of the trauma she suffered.

**11 th December – AUTUMN – 12:33 AM**

It was like Beatrice’s brain was stuttering her next orders as she stumbled over Allard’s unconscious body. The streets were still dark, but not for Beatrice, because for the shock everything seemed to move slowly, the stars and the autumn moon seeming shiny enough to guide her through the still unfamiliar street. At some point she started to speed walk, too scared of thoughts catching up to her – for that she started running; running as fast as she could, her heart pounding as if every shadow was following her.

The conscious and logic part of Beatrice’s mind was telling her to go back to Gaius, to tell him what happened and hope he could give her something to make her heart stop trying to leave her body through her mouth. The emotional, terrified little kid inside of her told her to go to the person she loved the most and hope he’d just hold her for a moment… no, she didn’t want him to hold her, she wanted him to listen to her – she didn’t want to be touched, not even by him.

She ran through the corridors of the castle – something inside of her mind found it was weird there weren’t any guards around the Royal Chambers, but her she didn't really think of it.

She stopped in front of the double doors, she froze and held her breath. _What will I say? Will he believe me? Will he keep me safe?_

“Arthur, is really late, you should sleep” said the familiar voice inside.

 _‘Go in!’_ she screamed to herself.’ _Go in! Tell him!’_

Beatrice hated asking for help, she hated being depended on someone, but… how could she take it alone? She was assaulted, the man that attacked her was outside and free and, to make everything worse, she had just performed magic even though she had never done it before.

Beatrice hated asking for help, but she needed help.

The girl knocked on the door.

“Who could it be? It’s late” said Arthur’s voice.

“Well, not late enough for you to be in bed” said Merlin’s voice, there was movement inside of the room. “It must be important”

Beatrice stood there, hurt and bruised and bleeding, unable to breathe and unable to think properly.

_Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_

The door opened. Merlin looked at her and his face went pale as he stared at her, mouth hanging open and breathless.

“Beatrice, what happened to you?”

The girl in front of him had a teared dress, her chemise showing underneath the rip in her thigh’s height, her right side of the face was red and swollen, her bottom lip had a cut from where blood was dripping out and was painting her chin and tainting her dress. Her hair was a mess and she was standing awkwardly hugging herself.

She did not answer.

Merlin opened the door further and she walked into the room.

Arthur was sitting on his chair behind his desk, but in the moment he saw Beatrice’s state he shot up, eyes wide in shock as he walked towards her.

“What happened to you? Who did this to you?” Merlin asked again.

Beatrice ignored them as she tried to gather her thoughts; trying to find the words to describe the sheer terror she had just gone through was way harder than he thought it would be. But now she at least felt a bit safer than how she felt outside, alone and terrified of every corner and every shadow.

“Beatrice?” said Merlin again.

Arthur touched Merlin’s chest, stopping him from stepping closer to her.

“Why don’t you seat in the bed, Beatrice?” Arthur said in a gentle voice.

 _‘Think. Speak. Think. Speak. Help’_ her mind repeated again and again as she walked to the bed and sat in the very corner of the feet.

Arthur’s bed was big, way bigger than Morgana’s which was the biggest bed she had seen till that moment. His bed had also pillar-like wood pieces that kept heavy curtains on the top of the bed. She hugged the wood.

Arthur had dealing better with the situation than the terrified Merlin who had tears in his eyes as he started to cry as he watched Beatrice just sitting there, unresponsive to the world around her. Arthur had seen women after they suffered the type of violence he immediately recognized in Beatrice’s behaviour before – besides that, he was less emotionally attached to the girl, he had the outsider look. He remembered the same eyes on a girl a couple of years before that was on her knees in front of his father, begging for her attacker’s death, begging for something to hold onto to feel some type safety. A few days later, she killed herself – jumped into the river without knowing how to swim. He feared the same would happened to Beatrice now.

“Give her some time” Arthur mumbled to Merlin as he walked to the desk again and got his cup before filling with water, he had never imagined himself doing such a work for a girl without titles. “Here,” he said, “drink some water for now. We’re here. We’ll listen to you”

It took almost a whole minute to Beatrice to say:

“I think I killed him” she said.

“Who?” Merlin asked.

“The man… I was taking Red home and he… he works on the stables” she told them. “Allard… he’s bleeding – I scratched him, his eyes got really red…” she looked at Merlin. “I did magic”

In front of Arthur, Merlin’s reaction had to be tamed and not at all surprised. Or at least was what he thought he needed to be, but didn’t manage to – Merlin’s eyes went wide as apples as he stared confused at the girl.

“What?!” he asked.

“I tried to fight when he held my arm, I was so scared… but I tried to fight, I _promise!_ ” she said, scared someone would say she hadn’t fought hard enough, scared Merlin would me mad at her.

Arthur looked at Merlin, hoping he’d answer, but Merlin was frozen.

“I know you did” Arthur answered, jumping into the conversation before glancing at Merlin hoping his manservant would just get his reactions back. He needed Merlin to do something. Beatrice needed Merlin to be there. “What spell did you use?”

“None” she answered. “I just… felt it and then he flew, and then he fell down” she looked to Arthur now. “I think I killed him”

“Where did it happen?” Arthur asked.

“I was walking back to the castle, I took a wrong turn and I ended up against the walls” she answered. “I don’t know” she thought for a moment. “I scratched his face” she added, repeating.

Arthur nodded, not wanting to say she had said that already. He walked to the door.

“I’ll tell the guards. Keep her in here until she’s well enough to walk back to your chambers” he said to Merlin, the servant nodded. “Beatrice?” she did not look at him, she was looking at Merlin. “I’ll deal with it, I promise you’re safe now”

She nodded slowly.

Arthur left.

Merlin waited for a moment, making sure Arthur was away from the room before saying:

“What happened?” he asked.

“I was almost assaulted. My arm is hurting” she confessed. “Red is home safe, though”

Merlin didn’t want to say he didn’t care about Red at the moment, he felt mean enough just thinking it, but he nodded before saying:

“We need to go to Gaius, he can check that lip of yours and your arm” he looked at it. “Do you think you can let me just check if it’s broken?”

Beatrice didn’t answer at first, it took her long seconds of deliberation before nodding.

Merlin slowly approached her as if she was some kind of wounded animal before palping her arm lightly. The bone seemed fine.

“I don’t think it’s broken” he said.

“That’s good” she mumbled, nodding to herself.

“That is good” he agreed. “Dear,—“

“Don’t call me ‘dear’” she said harshly.

Merlin stopped dead on tracks.

“Bea,” he said, “the magic… how did you do it?”

“I don’t know” she confessed. “I didn’t try, Merlin. He was on top of me, his hands on me and I was so scared and suddenly it was like there was circle growing from inside of me, pushing him away from me and then… he was flying and falling” she stopped for a second. “I really want him to be dead”

Merlin didn’t know what to say. He knew she wasn’t a violent person in real life – she had a lot of empty threats going on as a defence mechanism since she was little, especially with Will, but she wasn’t someone that would easily wish someone death upon someone. That man had scared her a lot.

“Me too” he said.

She looked at him, looking into her eyes.

That night was a mess for everyone that was directly involved with Beatrice and what happened to her.

Arthur made sure that the criminal was thrown in jail without any ceremony or medical care even though the man had a huge cut on the back of his head and that he was still struggling to keep awake from, beside the claw marks on his face. Arthur saw then how hard Beatrice had fought him off.

When Arthur escorted Merlin and Beatrice back to Gaius’ chamber, the older man was still awake and very worried about how Beatrice was taking so long to come back, but in the moment she walked in with Merlin and Arthur beside her he suddenly knew what had happened. She was bleeding and there was a big bruise starting to become dark on her cheek, yet she didn’t let him touch her. Merlin was the one to take care of the bruised and the cut under Gaius’ hawk eyes, Beatrice didn’t seem to be scared of Merlin. She knew Merlin’s touch enough to not be scared of it. Although she didn’t really want him to hold her and squeeze her or feel his weight over her, she was happy she knew it was him in front of her. His simple presence seemed to be very comforting somehow.

Beatrice slept that night after crying for three hours straight. Merlin didn’t sleep at all, he just sat on his chair and wrote a long letter to his mother and Aunty Annie – there was so much guilt suffocating him, he had promised he’d keep her safe, but she got hurt nonetheless.

Uther was quick to decide Allard deserved death, even without judgment.

So on the very next morning, Uther called for Gaius and asked him to take care of Allard, but Gaius – for the first time in a long time – publicly refused the king’s orders. Uther did not ask again and just said that three in the afternoon, Allard would publicly lose his head.

Of course, he still had to have a judgment… just for procedure's sake.

It was nine in the morning when Allard was brought into the Throne Room in front of everyone, including Beatrice, who was standing in the corner of the room holding Merlin’s hand behind Gaius. Allard was thrown to the ground by the guard that did not help him sit down again.

“Allard of Camelot, from the stables, you are under arrest for attempt of assault of a girl who is engaged to Merlin, Gaius’ ward, Beatrice of Ealdor, Morgana’s Lady-in-Waiting. For that violence, you will pay with your death” Uther said coldly watching the boy struggling to keep his tears from running down his cheeks. “Today, you will be executed in the square at three of the afternoon”

“What? No!” Allard screamed looking around. “That bitch… she’s a witch! A sorceress!” he said. “She was the one to hurt me! She hurt me!”

Beatrice flinched behind Gaius; she turned so small on the sides that she was almost completely behind Merlin at this point.

Uther got up from his throne.

“This is a very serious accusation, boy, you better be quiet now if you can’t prove it!” he screamed to the man in front of him, the man turned into a boy, cowering in the ground as Uther walked down the steps and stared the at the man. “Can you prove it?”

“Her eyes turned silver! Shining, witch-like silver!” the boy said, eyes watering. “You _need_ to believe in me, my Lord”

Uther scoffed. He was knowledgeable enough in magic to know that their eyes would turn gold, not silver.

“No, I don’t. You know why?” he stared deep into the boy’s eyes. “I am the king and in my kingdom violent people, disgusting people like you are dirt – dirt I step over. Beatrice is not a sorceress. Your execution is set and will not change” he looked at the men around the room, Council members, all of them. “The trial is done and my decision is still death” he looked at the guards. “Take him away!”

Allard was being dragged away when his eyes met Beatrice’s.

“You damned witch! You deserve to die, not me! You seduced me with your spells and now you’re killing me!” he screamed. “You’re killing me! You’re killing me!” his eyes started to spill tears as she struggled to not let the guards take him away. “It’s your fault; it’s all your fault! You’re a witch, you dumb cun—“

The heavy double wood doors closed, muffling the sobbing and shouting coming from the terrified boy.

Beatrice hugged Merlin, finally feeling safer.

Allard was going to die, she was eager to watch his head fall off his shoulder.

Two in the afternoon, Gaius and Beatrice were sitting in the table on Gaius’ chambers in complete silence.

Gaius could see how nervous and anxious the usually cheerful Beatrice was as she watched the book of Ball Etiquette again, she was pale and the bruise on her face seemed to be worse than he imagined it should be after he used the leeches. It wasn’t as swollen, but it was very dark and the cut on her bottom lip seemed to make the skin around it very rough. Beatrice hasn’t changed the page of the book for around half an hour now. Gaius knew she was too lost in her own mind to even remember where she was at the moment.

As an older man living in Court for decades, he was aware of that type of violence could take people into a dark, scary place inside their own minds. The first time he was issued to help with a similar situation was when he had just gotten there, it had happened with a young boy – no more than eight, the father had used his body in such a violent manner that the boy almost died; the worst case was not as long ago as he wished it to be, it was just a couple of years before Merlin had gotten there and it happened with an adult woman, a kitchen-girl… she did not survive.

Of course, Gaius would never say to Beatrice that she should be happy that she was alive at all. He knew she was dreading the fact she was _indeed_ alive. But he knew things could have been much worse. For one, Beatrice wasn’t in risk of pregnancy or had any lacerations in her intimate parts. Besides that, Beatrice wasn’t alone like many people that suffered that were – she had Merlin, she had Morgana, she had Gwen, she had Arthur… for all the Gods, she had Uther ready to kill that man and Gaius ready to help him to kill him himself. Beatrice could be easily taken home if she wanted it, but he was very happy that she felt safe enough in the castle. She had asked for help from Arthur and Merlin right after it happened, she let Merlin touch her to take care of her and she let Gaius get close enough to wrap a blanket over her shoulders.

Because Beatrice was so focused on her own mind, Gaius decided to keep his research.

Research for what, may you ask? Silver eyes.

In all his years inside the magical community, he couldn’t seem to remember a single person saying something about eyes turning silver when doing magic. But then again, he had to keep reminding himself that Beatrice wasn’t supposed to have magic at all, she had never trained it before… just like Merlin wasn’t supposed to do magic without incantations, but now he had two very impossible people and their magic into his poor, old hands.

Gaius wondered if someday he’d have a bit of peace.

He opened the very last book of magic hidden in his chambers.

_Simple Emotion Related Enchantments. Protection Spells. Light Magic. Shadow Magic. Magic of the Gods – **silver.**_

Gaius froze when he saw the small scribble in the corner of the page, it was almost unreadable, but when he forced his eyes enough it was clear: it was written **_silver magic._** Of course he’d have never heard of it, that book wasn’t his, it was Alice’s.

“I found it” he whispered to himself, more surprised to actually find something than happy.

Beatrice’s eyes left the book.

“What did you find?” she asked confused.

“Silver eyes” he answered. “It’s called Magic of the Gods” he was reading the paper in front of him. “No wonder no one heard about it before it. It’s really rare”

“But how could I have performed a very a rare type of magic if I’ve never tried any type before?” she said still a bit distant. “It makes no sense, Gaius”

“I’ll try to find more about it. I have only two pages of the subject here” he closed the book. “But we’ll read it in a bit”

“Won’t we read it now?”

“No…” he hesitated. “It’s time to go to the square”

Beatrice seemed to go back to her own body as she rose from her chair in a second. She looked almost happy about Allard’s death – that scared Gaius a bit, but when Merlin opened the door (he had been making sure everything would run down smoothly before picking Gaius and Beatrice up) and he saw that strong, determined look in his ward’s eyes he knew that Merlin also was happy about that man’s death.

Gaius couldn’t help but think if it was a bit wrong to think about how much _he_ wanted Allard dead. But when he saw the bruise on Beatrice’s face again, all fear and guilt seemed to leave his body in a second.

If there was something he learned with Merlin in Camelot was that nothing and _no one_ hurts the people he like and leaves unpunished.

The people in the square were all gathered looking at the small stage in the very middle of it, they all wanted to watch the head of someone as sick as Allard falling and seeing his terrified face forever frozen on his face. The only person crying for the boy that was going to die was his mother; the rest of Camelot was cheering, screaming and laughing as the boy was dragged from prison to the public eye.

Merlin, Gaius and Beatrice were standing in the very corner of the square, Beatrice was standing over a few pieces of wood that seemed to form a platform and her hands were on Merlin’s shoulders. She could see everything very well – she wasn’t blinking, she wasn’t looking away. Nothing could ever make her lose the sight she had wished seeing since the very first moment she noticed someone was following her in the night.

Allard was crying hysterically when he was made to kneel down.

Uther got up from his chair and waved at the people screaming in the square.

“We are here gathered for the punishment by beheading of Allard from the stables for attacking a young woman who works in the castle, for trying to make unwanted advanced on her, also, during trial he accused an innocent woman of being a sorceress” Uther said. “If there’s something that we do not allow here in Camelot is magic and such violence. Allard is sentenced for death”

People started to scream and clap. Beatrice looked away to see Allard’s mother crying and falling to her knees; no one helped her up, part of her felt bad for his mother for she wasn’t guilty for the monster that was about to die. Beatrice looked back to Allard who was now sobbing and shrieking in absolute terror – now he knew how Beatrice felt when he held her down, punched her and screamed at her.

Beatrice scoffed watching him crying like a baby. Now he wasn’t nearly as brave as he was when he attacked her and she was loving watching him falling apart.

Part of her thought it was wrong to wish him the worst things there could be in the Otherworld, but nothing seemed to put on her conscious that she was a bad person. She was only wishing bad things to happen to a terrible person. Beatrice _refused_ to feel guilty about wanting some type of revenge.

Her ears were overwhelmed by drums and cheering. Ever so slowly, Beatrice blocked the sounds and all she could focus was on the silent crying boy as the axe was raised over the head of the man holding it.

It was like everything went slow for a moment, there it was: her revenge.

She started to pay attention to everything around her. The breeze smelled like fresh bread, there wasn’t a single cloud on the sky and the air was freezing cold. Merlin’s muscles were tensing underneath her hand and Gaius’ eyes were glued to her, not daring to look at the boy that was about to die.

And then everything became quick, as if one of the time spells Merlin usually did with time had just ended.

The head fell off in a single move from the very sharp axe and the very strong man holding, there was a desperate and hurtful wail coming from the mother lost in the crowd and there were many people screaming in cheerful commemoration for the death.

Beatrice slowly looked away as the blood flooded the floor of the stage. She thought she’d feel much better, but although she felt safer and somehow fulfilled, she wasn’t satisfied with that. With a painful moment of silence still lost in her thoughts she realized that she’d forever have to live with the feeling that whenever she was walking alone someone would follow her.

She wondered if in the future things would be better for young girls. In 1000 years from that moment, would girls stop being followed? In another 1500 would girls still fear being touched without their permission? She hoped they would all be safe so they didn’t have to go through what she had to go through. Beatrice knew things could be worse, that he could have gotten _all_ he wanted, but although it didn’t happen she was still scared and she was still ashamed – she wasn’t raped, but she was violated either way.

Revenge wasn’t near as satisfying as she thought it would be.

Beatrice saw the teared eyed Red standing alone, looking at her and putting two and two together as he realized that she was the one that was attacked on the way back home from walking him home.

Beatrice tried to open her mouth and talk to him, comfort him somehow, but he turned around and ran as fast as he could.

**15 th December – AUTUMN**

Beatrice’s physical recuperation was faster than Gaius expected to be. Almost five days had gone by and the big, dark bruise on her cheek, lip and jaw seemed to be going away and was in a sickly pastel green colour now and the bruise on her arm seemed to be almost going away, too. But her mental condition was still far from good and he was very thankful for Uther and Morgana giving her some days off from Court Education so she could totally focus on her healing.

Gaius knew Merlin was being a good addition to the healing process. They had gone back on sleeping on the same bed and, although sometimes Beatrice would cry at night and he’d listen from his own room, he knew that Merlin was trusted enough by her to comfort her alone. She had also gotten back confidence enough to walk around the castle if accompanied by Gaius or Merlin, sometimes they’d see Arthur on the way and Arthur would be more than happy to smile big at her and ask coolly how she was doing, as if he knew nothing about what happened.

Beatrice was glad that people were usually treating her as if nothing happened, Merlin and Gaius – who lived with her – seemed to be the only ones that were aware how much she would suffer at night. She started sleeping with a candle on the side of the bed, she had never thought she’d be terrified of something so natural as the dark, but sometimes she’d wake up shaking and jumping off the bed, struggling to breathe. Merlin started to leave a candle on the side of the bed, her nightmares seemed to be not as violent.

But Beatrice was bored.

Oh, gods, how bored she was.

Fortunately, Gaius seemed to catch on to that and quickly found something for her to do: search about silver magic, Magic of the Gods.

“Demigods?” she asked to Merlin and Gaius almost laughing of the absurdity. “I’m not a demigod”

“Maybe not, but… Old Shawna did say – more than once – that the Gods like you” Merlin said, he turned to Gaius. “When we were praying before Old Shawna’s death the candle answered to her; there was no wind, no breathing close to the flame and yet it moved, danced around as if it answered to her”

Gaius nodded in deliberation, his eyebrows moved as he tried to think.

“You might not be a demigod, but it’s clear that you’re a protégée to them” he said looking up from the books. “Not even all the demigods can perform silver magic, usually only daughters of Hecate or…” he smiled to himself, “…protégées from Artemis”

“Protégées from Artemis, I never heard of them” Beatrice admitted.

“Never have I” Merlin said.

“It’s very rare, as I told you two” Gaius said. “Artemis’ Protégées are always women; they are usually blessed by her right after or during birth and usually had very difficult births. Did you?”

“I mean, I guess I did” she said. “We don’t talk a lot about the day I was born in my house, it was the day my mother found out about my father’s death – Will was still very young, he remembers a bit of everything, but… not much”

“The birth was very difficult” Merlin stepped in to talk. “I heard Old Shawna talking my mother when my mother was still training with her, she often used your birth as example to teach her – apparently, she was born almost purple, couldn’t breathe. Old Shawna took care of her and she was fine after a few minutes”

“Was Old Shawna a High Priestess?” Gaius asked.

“Not that I’m aware of” Merlin said.

“She wasn’t” Beatrice answered, too. “But she had magic, her mother had magic, too”

“Hereditary magic is very strong. Even if she wasn’t a High Priestess, she was powerful enough to ask favours from the gods” Gaius answered. “If she asked for your life, then Artemis must have liked you quite a lot to agree to that. It wouldn’t be surprising if she started to take care of you” Gaius thought for a moment. “If Artemis likes someone, usually all the other gods like that person, too. Artemis is a very hard Goddess to satisfy”

“And little old me did it?” Beatrice asked with a sharp humour on the question.

Merlin chuckled.

“Look, I’ve always knew you were amazing, but that wasn’t something I was expecting” he said.

Beatrice rolled her eyes at him with a small smile. She somehow looked tired as her smiled dropped a bit.

“There were other protégées, right?” she asked. “Of course, I don’t want to assumer I am one of them, but… if I am, I want to know. How can I know?”

“There are some protégées, such as Iphigenia, or that was her name before being turned into Hecate” Gaius said. “The protégées rarely know they are protégées, my dear girl, you just need to trust yourself and trust the gods. They’ll protect you; they’ll lead you to the right place”

Merlin nodded to himself, agreeing completely with Gaius.

It wasn’t hard for Beatrice to trust the Gods, she was a very loyal person to them and she was very religious, but it was hard for her to just let go completely of the control knowing that there was magic running around her – magic she did not know how to control or how to access.

And Merlin knew how terrified Beatrice probably was to let go of control. He knew many of her weaknesses: Beatrice was overly controlling and he knew she could be very possessive, overly conscious of her image and reputation, she was competitive, stubborn, Beatrice hated asking for help and was extremely sensitive to critics. Merlin knew many of her imperfections: there was a small birth mark on her left side, right over the hip bone where the white skin would turn pinkish in the shape of a waning crescent moon; he loved to kiss that mark, and there was also her slightly crooked teeth he thought to be so cute – she was his ‘bunny’.

He loved her faults even if she tried to hide every single one of them because someone (yes, Will, he _is_ talking about you, you fool) someday pointed at all of them. He could still remember how upset little fourteen years-old Beatrice was as she cried, unable to answer something after Will’s long mean commentary during a trivial fight. Beatrice was now trying to swallow down her jealousy whenever she felt like someone she loved wasn’t paying enough attention to her, she would constantly try to make people like her and be good, generous and helpful so Will would never call her selfish again, she was still very self-conscious (obviously), but now her stubbornness could easily be mistaken for determination.

“You’ll be alright” Merlin said putting a hand on her shoulder.

Beatrice flinched. No one moved for a second as she faked a smile.

“I know I will” she said. “You’re with me, therefore I’ll be alright”

Gaius looked away, something inside of him too sad to pay 100% of attention to the scene.

Beatrice was starting to put herself together, she was trying to be her old self, but Beatrice was still scared and she was starting to get through her trauma. She wasn’t some type of emotionless magic creature, she was human and humans get hurt and take time to heal.

Beatrice slept the whole night and held Merlin’s hand as she slept.


	13. Noblewomen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice is healing, which means she's finally ready to meet people.  
> The problem is that noblewomen have a very particular way of fighting, and Beatrice is not as good at it as she thinks she is.

**20 th December – first day of WINTER**

Beatrice’s first day of work was much more difficult than she expected it to be. Not because Morgana was a difficult boss or anything like that, it was just the look of people seeing her walking around for the first time.

People in the castle didn’t seem to remember who Beatrice was, for ever since the attack she had been in Gaius’ chambers helping him in everything she could without leaving or inside her own chamber studying more etiquette and the Bible, although the last one was much more boring to learn about than what she expected. Now, with Beatrice walking around with Gwen helping her take Morgana’s laundry to the Laundresses (who didn’t seem to like Beatrice’s presence very much, Gwen said it was because some of them were very interested in Merlin before they were aware of Beatrice’s connection with him, Beatrice almost asked if Gwen hated her too). Now that Beatrice was familiar with most of the castle, she was very happy to know she barely had any tasks whenever they were in Camelot since Ladies-in-Waiting were very much only very busy in presence of guest or whenever being the guest. Gwen was very happy to know Beatrice was far from lazy as she watched her quickly try to help her with her tasks.

“Now that the laundry is being taken care of, we need to get Lady Morgana’s dress to repair” said Gwen. “I usually do the repair myself, but King Uther insisted to take that dress to the Mistress of Wardrobe since _he_ was the one to tear the dress. Of course, he didn’t mean to, but he felt bad for Lady Morgana’s favourite’s dress”

Beatrice nodded putting the, now, empty basket on the side of the room and going with Gwen to the cupboard where the dress was hanging, a big tear on the side of the skirt showing – it was a beautiful white dress with golden details on the bust, sleeves and on the very end of the skirt, as if the person had been walking over gold and dirtied the end of the skirt.

“It’s beautiful!” Beatrice exclaimed in surprise, a bit too loud.

Morgana, who was still in bed, moved and open her eyes.

“Time to wake up already?” she asked.

Beatrice’s eyes went wide as she felt the guilt poking her. She had just woken Morgana up by exclaiming.

“Not yet, my Lady” said Gwen. “You may go back to sleep, if that’s your wish”

But Morgana sat up in the bed, her nightgown looking as pretty as any other dress she owned. She smiled a bit, trying to settle her messy dark hair away from her face as she looked around still sleepy.

“I might as well get up already” she said.

“Forgive me, Lady Morgana” said Beatrice. “The dress was just so beautiful that it surprised me”

Morgana looked at what dress Beatrice was talking about and nodded, agreeing completely.

“Uther gave me to me a couple of years ago to wear in the banquet Duchess Payne gave, apparently there was rumour her younger brother-in-law seemed interested in me so Uther was hopeful I’d take interest in him and wear my very best dress” Morgana said stretching, she moaned. “Too bad it was just a rumour, he was really interested in Gwen and he thought _she_ was the King’s Ward” she chuckled. “I guess I can see that, she’s just as pretty as any other noblewoman”

Gwen blushed deeply.

“You’re too kind, my Lady” she smiled to Morgana and Morgana smiled back at her.

Morgana walked to the window and opened the curtains, she inhaled deeply.

“Such a beautiful day!” she said smiling. “What do you two think about going out for a ride today? We could go have a picnic by the river and call the other women. Beatrice, they are so excited to meet you”

“Why would they want to meet me?” Beatrice asked.

“Have you seen yourself? It’s hard to miss your presence” she smiled.

 _Especially after everyone knows you’ve been attacked and survived,_ Morgana added mentally.

Beatrice nodded with a grave face, as if knowing what Morgana had just thought. Of course, Beatrice was not able to read minds, but she knew what Morgana was thinking for she was thinking exactly the same things. She feared this type of thing the most. She feared having her whole self diminished to someone else – being by marriage, being by another person’s act; she didn’t want to be Beatrice, Morgana’s Lady-in-Waiting, or Merlin’s sweetheart or _his_ survivor.

“Alright, then, I’ll send a Page Boy to your friends, my Lady” said Gwen. “I’ll talk to the Cook”

“I’ll seek Uther’s permission” Morgana said nodding.

“I’ll see that the horses are ready before lunch” said Beatrice having little other option to what to do. “If you want, my Lady, I can take the dress to mending on my way”

“That would be great, Beatrice, thank you” said Morgana.

Gwen smiled thankful too and gave the dress to Beatrice.

While Gwen helped Morgana get dressed, Beatrice walked out of the castle holding the dress. She walked by the knights training session only to feel herself being stared at.

“Merlin, isn’t that your sweetheart?” asked someone.

There were laughs. The sword noises slowly died down as Beatrice stopped and turned around to see the men looking around to look for her and stopping once they saw her walking.

Arthur was the first one to wave. He was very happy to slowly see Beatrice out of the castle for the first time since the attack; her bruises had been healed and the cut was barely noticeable even up close. Merlin dropped his duties to walk towards her, Beatrice smiled to him.

“Hi” she said.

“Hi” he answered as he stopped in front of her. “You left before I woke up” he commented.

“Oh, yes. Gwen told me to get up a bit earlier today, she gave me a tour through the servant’s part of the castle and showed me all the shortcuts I could take” she explained. “We’ll have a picnic” she said.

Merlin smiled at her.

“Morgana’s picnics are famous around here. I hope you have fun” he said kindly.

“Her friends want to meet me” she explained, nervous.

“No need to be so nervous, Morgana’s friends are… conservatively excited to meet you for a good time now” he said.

Beatrice understood what he meant by that – be careful with what you say, they are from Camelot, but they are good people in the end. She smiled for the subtle warning and nodded.

“I need to take this dress to the Mistress of the Robes” she said. “I was told she lived nearby, but… where is nearby?”

Merlin chuckled and pointed at the left.

“Three houses down there” he told her. “It’s pretty big, it’s easy to see” Beatrice nodded to herself. “If you need anything else… I’ll be here for the whole day” Merlin said in a subtle complaint, Beatrice laughed; she knew he wanted to offer to walk with her, but didn't want to suffocate her, so he just stood there. “Let me go back to work then”

Merlin started to walk away from Beatrice.

There was usually an awkward aura around them whenever they were talking since the attack. Merlin hadn’t try to touch Beatrice in any type of way, getting to the point of offering to sleep on the ground in hopes of not making her uncomfortable – it was quite wholesome, but Beatrice was starting to heal and was unable to find a way to show she was ready to go back into his arms (slowly, but ready to start nonetheless).

So she did something spontaneous.

“Merlin!” she called out.

Merlin turned around to her again and smiled. Beatrice walked towards him and stopped right in front of him. Merlin looked at her for a moment, confused to why she called him and wasn’t saying anything. She called him with her finger – something she did quite often since he was much taller than her and sometimes she needed to whisper something to him. Merlin bend down a bit, still confused.

Beatrice smiled to herself before her lips touched his in a cast, but meaningful kiss.

Surprised, Merlin stood there for a second before kissing her back still careful with the response he was getting from her.

Some of the knights screamed, whooped and laughed. Arthur called them out right away, knowing exactly why Merlin was so surprised by the kiss – it had been days since Merlin had last touched Beatrice, and not for once he said it out loud to anyone. Merlin was too kind to ever complain about something like that, all Merlin ever talked about was how much he cared and loved Beatrice, he'd never break her trust or privacy saying something about being touched starved by his own fiancée. Although Merlin hadn’t said anything to anyone in fear of exposing or humiliating Beatrice somehow, it was easy for Arthur to recognize the things Merlin tended to do whenever upset about something – no matter how trivial the matter, whenever upset Merlin would actually be a good servant, something that Arthur wasn’t used to seeing him being. It was hard to miss.

Beatrice stepped back.

“I got to go. I got to work” she said smiling.

Merlin, baffled, nodded and smiled.

Beatrice turned and almost ran away.

Sir Leon squeezed Merlin’s shoulder as they both watched the girl walking away happily. Leon smiled and pulled Merlin with him back into the training grounds so he could finish polishing Arthur’s armour.

Merlin missed several spots, his mind far from the armour in his lap. Arthur did not complain.

Beatrice stopped dead on her tracks as she stared at the stables a hundred feet in front of her. Last time she was there, _he_ was there. It was like that place had initiated a domino effect she did not want to be part of. Also, Red was there and ever since he saw her hurt face he did not speak with her again, Merlin didn’t say anything to her, but when he thought she was asleep he once mentioned to Gaius that Red had literally ran away from him when he saw him walking down the hallways of the castle.

It’d be the very first time he’d _have_ to face her.

Since that _man’s_ friends were sacked, he was pretty much the only one that dealt with people and not only horses – he was the closest one to the Master of Horses, which meant that little boy was pretty much an authority inside the stables now. Red would _have_ to face her now because she was there as Morgana’s representative, not as Beatrice.

When Red finally head the steps and peeked out of his place with Maximus (Morgana’s horse), his eyes went wide.

“Beatrice” he mumbled to himself.

“Hi, Red” she said with a small sad smile. “How have you been?” he did not answer, he just looked at her unable to find syllables. “Well, I’m here for the horses to be prepared to take Lady Morgana, some of the other noblewomen, two kitchen girls and Gwen and I. I believe His Majesty will send guards, but I guess they prepare their own horses, am I right?”

Red kept looking at her, just staring frozen in his place.

“Fifteen horses will be enough, boys, prepare them right away!” said a man’s voice.

Beatrice held herself back from flinching as she looked at the second store of the stables to see a man standing there, watching all the five boys (all from Red’s age to young adults around Beatrice’s) working and seemed to be very interested in the conversation Beatrice was having with Red at the entrance of the stables.

“Yes!” Red said loudly.

The other boys left all their duties to start the preparations of the fifteen horses. Red did not go back to work as soon as Beatrice turned around to go back to her Lady, actually he got out of the horse’s square and ran after her to grab her hand. As soon as he grabbed her, she flinched away from him. Red pulled his hand back and stared at her again.

She looked at him, waiting for his words.

“I’m sorry” he mumbled, eyes wide and glued to her. “It was my fault”

Beatrice just stood there as she thought how to react to his words. And then Red fell apart and he started crying.

It was easy to forget Red was just a child, but now there wasn’t a stable-boy in front of Beatrice, there was a young and upset little boy crying his heart out because he felt guilty for someone getting hurt by the hands someone he had no control over. Red put his hands in front of his eyes, covering his tears from view, his shoulders shaking with each and every sob he was having. He seemed to need comfort, he was shaking as if he was ready for punishment.

And Beatrice hugged him tight.

Red froze in a tense position for a moment before he hugged her back. It was easy for strong Beatrice take Red’s feet out of the floor in the hug; he was no more than 150cm (4’10’’) so Beatrice was quick to let him trap her waist between his legs and supported his whole weight (which, unfortunately wasn’t much) and comforted him as a child should be comforted.

Under the tent there were several blankets scattered around the floor, the girls were sitting over them, some of them with blankets over their shoulders. It was already pretty cold even though it was the very first day of the winter, but everyone was enjoying it.

Beatrice was struggling to remember everybody’s name. She was quite happy Red was brought together to take the place of one of the kitchen boys, who was sick. Gwen was also a really good person to have around.

“So… Beatrice, right?” said a voice, something superior on it made Beatrice almost flinch. “How have you been dealing with the palace’s life?”

Duchess Nia Lupu, Duke Ian’s wife, was clearly someone Beatrice did not want befriend. Morgana seemed to share that opinion by the sharp look she gave to the other women. The message in those eyes was clear: _don’t mess with my Lady-in-Waiting._

“Thigs seemed to be going fine”

“Now it is, am I right? I heard about some… trouble” she teased.

Many other women in the group seemed to not like the way that conversation was going.

But Beatrice wasn’t going to back down.

“Men usually bring that, am I right?” Beatrice joked. “Trouble, I mean. I’m sure you’d know about it, your husband seems to make trouble for a lot of other women”

Morgana’s eyes went wide. It wasn’t exactly a secret that many women (especially the younger ones) felt very uncomfortable around the almost fifty years-old man married to the very young twenty-years-old woman who wanted nothing but his money.

“I mean, your soon-to-be-husband seems to go around many other women, too” Nia teased.

“Well, Your Grace, Merlin had not a single complaint from any woman in the whole castle and is friends with many people. From Lady Morgana and Prince Arthur to any laundress in the castle. Everybody loves him” _contrary to your husband._ Beatrice smiled a bit.

Morgana looked at her. Beatrice was learning quickly how to fight like a noble lady, but she was much less subtle than she thought she was and – if she didn’t learn how to control it, then she wouldn’t survive much longer. While men learned how to kill with swords and anger, women learned how to kill with poison and sweet lies out of the tip of their tongue. Never let them learn what you’re against and what you’re for.

“That is true” Countess Lowri Evans said, remembering how even her brother Count Carwyn seemed to like Merlin, even if a little bit. “Merlin is quite loved by everyone. He’s nice, he’s sensitive—“

“Handsome!” Lady Sara Rhees added.

All twelve noblewomen laughed a bit, most of them giggling, although Nia was laughing more out of politeness than anything, her smile did not get to her eyes.

“Aren’t you… worried, then, if Merlin is ever _so_ loved by everyone?” Nia jumped into the conversation again, not missing the opportunity of striking.

“Oh, no. I trust him” Beatrice shrugged. “And he trusts me”

Morgana nodded.

“When we met, Beatrice had refused more than six marriages proposals because she loved Merlin. Merlin didn’t have a single woman here in Camelot” Morgana said, Gwen nodded. “And, well, Bryn tried very hard” Bryn Lewis was completely in love with Merlin for quite some time and Merlin – even since he was publicly with Beatrice – seemed to be running away from her because he knew she’d start flirting with him and touching him… even if he didn’t give her permission to touch him at all.

Bryn didn’t seem to like the way people were giggling about her because she blushed.

“It’s been quite some time I don’t try anything!” she tried to comfort Beatrice, even though everyone knew it was a lie.

“Because he’s been running away from you” Sara said rolling her eyes.

“He has not!”

“He clearly has been running away from you like one runs away from the Devil” Rhian Bloyd said pushing her big, dark curled hair over her shoulder. “God’s good, for Merlin is taking all your advances lightly. If it was someone like the Bach twins you’d be in a convent years ago”

Beatrice glanced at Morgana in confusions. _What the hell is a convent._

The Cecil twins laughed between their whispers to each other before the tallest one turned to Beatrice.

“Beca Dee has a crush on him, too” Heledd said, Eris giggled.

“I do not!” Beca exclaimed blushing deeply.

“Does too!” Bethan Firth said. “I will never forget the day you started crying when he started talking about his pagan ways to you and you came to me saying your parents would never agree to a pagan marriage”

“I don’t think you all would know how to deal with a pagan. There’s always a pan missing and all the jars move around until you find them under your pillow. They are always using them for their rituals and you can never find anything… but they will worship the ground you walk on, you Goddess!” Mari Pryce said winking, she was married to Iago Pryce, a very pagan man.

People started laughing, this time Beatrice and Gwen couldn’t keep themselves in silence. Red even joined in laughing too, very lowly as he filled Beatrice’s cup with wine. When people started to stop laughing, they looked at Beatrice as if waiting for a confirmation.

“Not far from the truth”

People went back to laughing.

Beatrice started being called to go out with the women from that moment on.

Nia didn’t like it at all.


End file.
